How it’s going

It’s been three weeks since I moved from New Orleans to South Carolina, and it’s been hard convincing myself that I’m NOT really just on vacation.

Maybe it’s because I moved over Christmas, a vacation for everyone, and then it was New Years, a vacation for everyone and maybe it’s because all my things are still in boxes. Uh...that’s normal right??

Or MAYBE it’s because no one has PINCHED me yet!!!

Because — and I wish I could say this more succinctly — I LOVE being back here. 

So much so that I feel like God is going to play a sick joke and two big fingers will come down and pluck me away saying, “YOU don’t deserve this, silly little girl!!! Muhahahahaha!!!!”

(My New Year’s resolution to be less neurotic is *really* working out, guys)

I love that I live with and IP-SO FACT-O get to see my twin sister, Joy, in person every day.

And I can’t wait to go on (and blog about) Joy’s embarrassing moments new adventures after three-and-a-half years of being long-distance twins.

I love that my best friend Meredith also moved from New Orleans to South Carolina and we either talk or see each other every day. And how she’s going to teach me how to surf this summer.

And I love my new job here. LOVE!!!

(DON’T SNATCH ME AWAY, BIG FINGER!!)

I know I’ve only been at the job for six days, but LOVE. LOVE LOVE. LOVE.

I know! I hate me too!!! 

BEST VACATION EVER!!!

It’s really nice being in a functioning work environment with people who care about what they’re doing and care about the news print product.

And who buy popcorn for the break room.

And I get a window!! I haven’t seen the light at work in YEARS! Haha

(I’ve already been distracted by heavy rain, in case you were wondering.)

It’s also been easier than I thought getting back into the mix with my friends here. Not that I thought it would be hard, but everyone is still great and I still fit in. And my new roommate, (besides Joy) Marie, is fantastic.

I know, PUKE right!!!

But wait...don’t sign me off yet!!!

Three things have been hard:

1.) Missing my New Orleans friends

2.) Explaining my move to people and

3.) Sleep.

Oh man, sleep.

I have nightmare-d everything possible in the past three weeks, from feral cats clawing at my face, car brakes going out, my car wheels FALLING OFF mid-drive, and of course, the classic: trying to plead for help to a group of people and no one will listen.

PAY ATTENTION TO ME!!!!!!!!!!

(Hmmm. Maybe that’s not a dream.)

On missing my New Orleans friends: I MISS MY NEW ORLEANS FRIENDS!! 

I look at everyone’s Facebook pages and the contact list in my phone after I’ve had wine and get sad.

And yesterday when I worked out at Crossfit, (trial classes, don’t expect me to hashtag it like everyone else. Cult.), it reminded me of these workout classes I took at a martial arts gym in New Orleans where my friends worked out with me and I got a little choked up.

Really. Choked up. Right by the pullup bar.

And can we talk about the SAINTS and how no one gives a shit about them here??? 

I’m in stupid PANTHER land with stupid Cam Newton who is NOT Superman and NOT Clark Kent and shooooo I would NOT be his Lois Lane, even though I’m a reporter and wear glasses (AND HAVE A WINDOW!!)

I remember this story about how my friend was grocery shopping at Conseco’s in New Orleans and some lady employee came on the overhead speaker just to say WHO DAT WHO DAT WHO DAT really fast and then hung up. No specials on produce or anything.

Now when I say to people “BLACK AND GOLD SUUU-PA BOWL!” they just laugh at me.

And the explaining my move to people.

“I just moved back from New Orleans. No, I’m not from here, I just used to live here. I went to college here and then stayed for ten years. That’s why I say ‘moved back.’ I’m not, like, new.”

“I moved back to New Orleans three-and-a-half years ago, and now I moved back here.”

“I’m bi-coastal. Gulf and East.”

Ha

Well, I guess it’s not that hard to explain.

Ok so TWO things have been hard. (That’s what she said?)

Two ain’t bad.

Yay vacay.

-Jenny                           

I've been watching you people (2011 edition)

Does anyone remember last year when I wrote about how I got a tracker on my blog without telling anybody?

And I got to see where you people are from?

And I got to see how long you spend reading this blog?? AND ALL YOUR IP ADDRESSES??

Yea, I still have it.

Hello loyal readers from Canada!! And hello new reader from Australia!!

Are you by chance good-looking??

Ha.

You people's locations are hardly the most fun part of this site tracker, except when little icons of your foreign flags pop up. They're so cute. (P.S. How would you say "Toolbag" in Burmese?)

No...the best thing about this tracker is seeing the the referring page for this blog.

It's mostly through Facebook (THANKS FRIENDS!!!) but almost daily, people are referred to my blog from a dumb Google search.

Yes, I get to read people's dumb Google searches!!

And I can say with confidence that 90 percent of the people who clicked on my blog from a Google search did NOT get the answer they were looking for.

...unless they Google searched "Toolbag Tuesday"...BECAUSE PEOPLE TOTALLY GOOGLE SEARCH TOOLBAG TUESDAY!!!

Maybe I'll make some T-shirts.

So, what did I do with these Google searches? I did the same thing I did last year. I put them all into a Word document...while laughing.

Yet, tragedy struck when I got laid off from my job and the four-page Word document with ALL the searches I had collected was deleted when I wiped out my entire existence from the work computer.

D'OH!!!

But there's never a shortage of material when it comes to Google searches!!! In between screaming at the Louisiana Unemployment Commission, I've been collecting you people's Google searches since July.

And, I've solved a Google search mystery!

A lot of people were getting to my blog by searching for PORN with the names "Jenny and Joy" (which happens to be me and my twin sister's names)...and that made me suspicious.

But then I found out that there is Japanese CARTOON PORN (um...what) involving a "nurse Jenny" and "officer Joy" and that's really what people wanted to see, not hear about the adventures of me and my non-Asian twin...

Shouldn't the nurse wear the gloves??

It didn't help that I wrote a delightful blog about having strep throat this year and used the words "nurse," "Jenny," and "shot in the butt" (purely medical terms people!!!) because now I get a ton of internet traffic from people searching for "butt shot of nurse Jenny."

So, in addition to disappointing Japanese porn-lovers, here's what people Google-searched for hoping to learn by clicking on my blog:

Is it a good idea to use two running backs from the same team

robin quivers see through shirt

funny made up country names for beer Olympics

Toolbag Tuesday (yaaaay!!!)

JennySays

thriller dance arms

boyfriend goes zydeco dancing without me

twin tattoos

nurse ass shot

nurse patient butt shot

nurse put shot in my ass

gymnastics crab

the strep shot

nurse Jenny butt shot

jennyandjoy.com

mom biceps

salon permed hair

twin tattos

body wave perm before and after

"Wayne Campbell" catholic priest

grapes fancy dress

robin quivers nude

emma watson lipstick on teeth

my identical twin sister and I when we were babies

modern toilet paper holder

What are some Greek letters

grapes costume

what is colonel angus

Haha. That last one was quite a funny blog...you can read it here.

But, in all seriousness, thank you thank you THANK YOU EVERYONE from the bottom of my heart for reading!!!

27,614 people have read this blog since I started it as my New Year's resolution two years ago --- now averaging 40 people a day!!!

That's awesome!!!

Are you all bored at work too??

Thank you for letting me share my life and stories and I'm glad that at least some of you still want to be my friend in real life. Ha

I hope you have a great New Year and here's to a super bright future for each and every one of you!!

New Toolbag Tuesday suggestions welcome.

-Jenny

New Year's resolutions

I've never kept a New Year's resolution.

Come to think of it, I've never given up something for Lent for the entire 40 days, either.

Wait, that sounds bad...does this make me a quitter?

Maybe I fail because I've made fly-by resolutions in the past that are impossible to follow through on, or I get waaay too busy to plant an entire vegetable garden in my yard...oh, wait, have you heard those excuses before?

You know those "tips" magazine writers give you for ways to keep resolutions? Tips like "be realistic" and "track your goals?"

Well, by February last year my realistic goal to "go to the gym everyday" was being tracked by another mid-morning scewdriver at Mardi Gras. ha.

Come to think of it, being from New Orleans, I have found it hard to maintain "healthy" resolutions through February (I blame King Cake).

As for Lent, the only thing I've been able to give up successfully is bunt cake, because no one ever offers you bunt cake, which makes it an easy dish to give up. Unless you are a wedding planner I guess.

Well, this year, Internet, I am aiming to change my pattern of failed resolutions!! I have decided to start a blog! Have you heard of this little thing called a "blog?" It's very 2010, I hear.
(Seriously, some people have made blogs for their dogs: "Monday. Ate grass. Tuesday. Pooped.")

My idea is to have a life/humor blog and regularly update it. The goal, or resolution, if you will, is to write more for fun.

See, my job is to write for a newspaper — which I throughly enjoy — but transcribing council members' quips and voting records and campaign finance reports isn't as, how would you say it, as creative as writing about different types of hangovers. ha

I mean, I do get to write about the occasional large shark tooth found in a neighborhood backyard or the man who turned his underground pool into a vegetable garden (which I will probably work into this blog because, damn, that's a lot of dirt!!)

I also live quite a social life as a 26-year-old living in Charleston, South Carolina with an identical twin sister. Oh, I got stories. Pictures too!

Ok! Resolution started! FIST PUMP! I feel better already. I'm really going to try and keep this one, too. I took some "tips" from the fine people at www.ehow.com, and have rationalized why this resolution will STICK:

1.) Aim low. My goal to write two entries a week. I hope Facebook doesn't miss me.

2.) Don't overload yourself. Ok, I will write one entry a week.

3.) Tell everyone you know. I have. Can you please tell everyone you know?

4.) Reward yourself. I will give myself one cupcake a month for regularly updating this blog. Other reward ideas encouraged.

5.) Wait until spring. HA! Sounds like they're on the Mardi Gras resolution train, too!

-Jenny