Valentine’s Day gifts you didn’t even know you wanted

It's Valentine’s Day again!!

And it’s time for another list of Valentine’s Day gifts!!

I know, errrrrrr, no one actually asked me to write a list of Valentine’s Day gifts for any of the years I’ve been writing these.

But there are a lot of clueless, scared people out there who need to get something for their significant other in FIVE DAYS.

TICK TOCK TICK TOCK.

This list follows my previous Valentine’s Day gift lists:

“Valentine’s Day gifts that sound lame but aren’t”

“Unisex Valentine’s Day Gifts”

“Valentine’s Day gifts under $50” and

“Oh shit, it’s Valentine’s Day in 2 days!!! 

(There’s bound to be something in one of those lists that will make your significant other take his or her clothes off on Tuesday!!)

I was having a hard time coming up with a “theme” for this year, so I thought about things I actually own or have experienced where I was like, I. HAD. NO. IDEA. I. NEEDED. THIS.

ME-TESTED!!!!

1.) iPhone air pods

Perhaps you don’t know anyone rich or fancy who got the new iPhone 7 and got the wireless earphones that come with it. TOO BAD FOR YOU. Once I put those little things in my ears I. HAD. NO. IDEA. that I could be so enveloped in music without huge earmuff headphones. They’re magical; no wires, so you can use them to work out without getting tangled in machines, crystal clear sound and bonus, it’s a great way to tune out your significant other. Ha.

2.) Amazon Echo (Alexa)

Perhaps you don’t know anyone rich or fancy who has an Alexa, BUT I DO, IT’S MY ROOMMATE. For the past four months I’ve been able to experience this much-nicer Siri basically be my electronic servant and answer anything I ask. You can ask her to stream WWOZ (I heart N.O.) or when the end of the world is. I honestly don’t know what life was like without her.

3.) Portable charger

So, if you aren’t rich or fancy, you probably have an old iPhone and it’s always dead. (I know...I'm psychic.) Make everyone's life easier with a portable charger! Yes, the secret here is to remember to charge your charger AND to remember to bring it with you. But this adorable charger fits on your key ring so that means you'll at least always have it whenever you have your keys. Baby steps...


4.) Groupon all-inclusive getaway

I used to be skinny

I know what you’re thinking. Booking a flight through Groupon?? Uh, ok idiot. But it’s legit! I swear! I went on an all-inclusive trip to the Dominican Republic in 2015 and it was one of the best vacations I’ve ever been on. And it was totally affordable for all you can eat and drink plus the flight and hotel on the beach for a week (like less than $100/day for all that) GO TO JAMAICA, MON. OR ICELAND. SHE’LL LOVE YOU.

5.) Hardcover photo book

Shutterfly lets you put up to 1,000 pictures into a book for $20 !!!!! Every time I go over to my sister’s house and see the photobook she made for her husband, I smile with every page turn. It's an easy way to shove your good time in people’s faces when they come over to visit. Keep it on your coffee table and everyone who comes over will look through it.

6.) Portable blender bottle

I’m in my 30s now and every diet book is all like, “MAKE SMOOTHIES!” “BUY PROTEIN POWDER!” “STOP DRINKING A BOTTLE OF WINE EVERY NIGHT!” Rude. I found that it’s much easier to make a smoothie when you can just blend it and take the bottle with you without having to do laborious things like "rinse it out" or "do the dishes." And it’s only $30! And you can get TWO water bottles if you choose the pink/blue option here. It is my most used kitchen appliance (aside from the wine key)

So there you have it. 

Valentine's Day gifts you didn't even know you wanted!!!

Valentine's Day gifts I didn't even know I wanted!!!

And, well, if all else fails, you can just take your own clothes off on Tuesday.

-Jenny

TOOLBAG TUESDAY

People submit Toolbag Tuesday stories to me pretty frequently and I laugh my ass off (just in case you were wondering...not all 285 posts are just about me...) 

But sometimes, these stories are funnier when you break it down into one sentence, rather than a full-on post. 

(Errrr...it's also easier to copy and paste when you're busy with other stuff...)

So today I give you a compilation!

Toolbag Tuesday condensed! Each one I got a chuckle out of....

- We finalized our divorce on the 17th, he was remarried by the 28th.

- I had just bought him dinner, bought him this amazing cat tree thing for his cats and offered to help with some of the vet bills because he doesn't make a lot of money. And the following day he said I was "being selfish" because I wanted to spend time with him when "I knew he had to practice for his music gig." LOL (Ed note: don't worry, girl, the cats know you're not selfish!!)

- The guy I was hooking up with went out of the country for several months and left me his fish to take care of, forwarded his mail to me and gave me some other things to keep safe. Then one day I sent him a sexy picture and he asked me not to do that anymore because his girlfriend wouldn’t think it was appropriate.

- …When he came back, he actually tried to get sympathy because his girlfriend had cheated on him while he was travelling.

- This guy I was sleeping with had talked about doing a movie and dinner. The day came and I didn’t hear from him until 20 minutes before the movie was supposed to start. I told him I didn’t think we had time for the movie, and did he want to just get dinner. He flipped out on me and started yelling saying, “what do you think this is, a date? Next thing you’re going to say is you have feelings for me!”

- He brought a date to a Superbowl party with all our friends the day after we had sex.

- I asked my boyfriend if he needed help moving out of his apartment and he gave me the task of snaking his bathtub drain which had a ton of long, obviously girl hair in it that wasn't mine and asked me to pack up a drawer where he kept mementos of all of his past relationships.

-The guys I've written about on this blog who said they're going to sue me. 

LOL

-Jenny

Send me your Toolbag stories!!! 

JennyJenny504@gmail.com

“OMG, it's Valentine's Day in 2 days!!!” gift guide

So, Valentine’s Day is happening on Sunday.

SUNDAY. This Sunday. Like two days from today, Sunday.

How is it already February 14?? I haven’t even decided on a New Year’s Resolution yet.

Restaurants are booked up! FLORISTS are at capacity with their orders!! (Really, this happens)

But never fear! The internet is here!

Below is a list of gifts you can buy your significant other RIGHT NOW and then pretend like you’ve had it for weeks. (uhhh pending internet access and a credit card.) 

Haha

This year’s gift guide follows my previous Valentine’s Day gift guides: 

-Unisex Valentine's Day gifts

- Valentine’s Day gifts under $50 and 

-Valentine’s Day gifts that sound lame but aren’t.

Mail subscription boxes

Mail is depressing. Bills, flyers, an outstanding dentist bill from the person who lived in the house before you....etc. Break up the UGH with a mail order box your love will look forward to every month! There is seriously a box for ANYTHING: food boxes, beauty product boxes, workout clothing boxes, BarkBox (for the pet lovers). Guys have Dollar Shave Club box, Bourbon-of-the-Month club box. (Howard Stern even talked about a new NERD box with comic books and dorky swords in it.) Just Google whatever they are into and then type “monthly box” behind it.

Anything from a SPA 

If you have a lady friend, you can never, ever go wrong with anything spa-related. Massages, pedicures, facials, waxes, scrubs, cleanses, hot stone anything. Call the best-rated spa on Yelp and get a gift card in any amount. Then say AHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

Groupon bucks

Anything you possibly need, you can find it on Groupon. Seriously, anything. Need a vacation? Book a Groupon getaway. Need a house cleaner? Find one half off. Like a restaurant? Spend $20 to get $40 worth of food there. Groupon is actually pretty handy. There are a ton of spa and salon services, massive deals on wine, home and lawn services, really any service from a local company. Get your lover a Groupon credit and they’ll be thrilled to use it towards whatever their heart desires.

Coffee shop gift cards

Paying coffee shop prices is depressing and you always feel guilty about it. But nothing beats liquid crack. Get your significant other a gift card to their favorite coffee shop and I guarantee you’ll see their mood improve for the entirety of the card amount. You don’t even have to go get a plastic card!!! A mobile APP lets you load a Starbucks card onto someone’s phone.

A sweet playlist

Remember when you liked someone and you made them a mix CD? Get on iTunes and download 15 or so songs and then burn it on a CD (all cars have CD players) and then take a sharpie, date it, and write something cheesy as the description. Tip: download music of bands you’ve seen together, sweet and sexy love songs and, if she was born between the years 1981-1987, Dave Matthews Band's “Say Goodbye.” LOL. (Not actually kidding)

Community-Supported Agriculture Box subscription

Food is always a good gift idea. Impress your lady or guy friend with a box of local fruit and vegetables! CSA boxes are weekly boxes of fresh, local produce from fresh, local farmers available in almost every city in the country. It supports local farmers (awwwww how romantic) and it’s the freshest possible produce you can find. If your lover happens to be a hipster, they will explode. Bonus: you may have all yours dinners cooked for you.

Print photos

Who doesn’t love to hold a photo in their hand??? Photo books or even just a few printed out are super cheap and super thoughtful. And easy! Depending on where you live, you either have 12 or 15 Walgreens stores within a 3-mile span. Their app and website lets you upload pictures straight from Facebook or Instagram. Take the one with the most “likes,” upload and go pick them up in an hour.  

And there you have it.

IT’S JUST THAT EASY!!!!

Valentine’s Day gifts you can get today!!!

Right now!! Without leaving your desk.

Way to think ahead.

:)

-Jenny

Five lessons Hurricane Katrina taught me

1. Buy real estate following a disaster. Houses in New Orleans are now being sold for HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA amounts of money, houses that you wouldn’t even walk by ten years ago. Empty lots have STARTING bids at $80,000 at auction. Think about that during the next major natural disaster in your town!

2. You don’t need home insurance. Katrina showed us that it doesn’t matter if you put money every year into home insurance, flood insurance, disaster insurance, etc. everyone got paid out (or bought out) from the government. And what didn’t get paid out, religious groups came down to fix it for free. ‘MERICA!!!!!!

3. Keep an ax in your attic. Before Katrina, I certainly didn’t consider the possibility that anyone would have to exit their house from the roof. And a roof does not have a human-sized door. Keep an ax in the attic so you can hack your way out in an emergency, or, you know, if a serial killer was lurking below.

4. Kids need therapy. When I was a newspaper reporter in New Orleans after the BP oil spill in 2010, I wrote an article about how BP was paying for therapy for all the children on the Gulf Coast who were traumatized by the spill. An excellent PR move and wholly important. And I’m sure there were some therapy programs for kids post-Katrina, but nothing that springs to mind. And now the “kids of Katrina,”—not the ones who were born ten years ago, but those who were impressionable 10-year-olds then who are 20 years old now—just may be EFFED up. I have no way to prove a correlation, but New Orleans has a major problem right now with teenagers and 20-something young people shooting, stabbing, terrorizing the French Quarter and beating people senseless for no apparent reason. I can’t help but wonder if these are children of the storm.

5. It forced you to care about your ex.  No matter how much you hated them in the end, after Katrina, you got in touch with your ex, asked them where they were, if they were OK and even asked them about their mamma. 

...Even if they were a toolbag.

-Jenny

TOOLBAG TUESDAY

Fun with lists!!

Because, as Shakespeare said, “Brevity is the soul of wit.”

Or, as Buzzfeed says, “We have successfully managed to limit your attention span to the length of lists."

(P.S. “You won’t BELIEVE number 4...”)

And, as I say, “I’m up to my ass in deadlines for work I actually get paid to do and don’t have a lot of time for toolbags right now.”

But, let’s just go with the brevity-soul-wit thing:

Below are my favorite one-to-two sentence descriptions from my friends who have submitted a Toolbag Tuesday story.

They may be expanded later into their own special posts, but just standing alone, they get the point across.

Just for clarification....

THESE ARE DON’TS.

Especially #4...jerk

1.) He lectured me in bed about how my apartment was a mess and I need to clean up my life while he himself has no place to live and has been a professional bed-surfer for three years.

2.) After four great dates and two sleepovers, he disappeared for a week and then texted me with a witty and urbane, "Hi."

3.) I invited my ex to my 28th birthday party. He texts back that he really wishes he could make it but has to work. He then asks me if I am seeing anyone. I say, "no" and then ask him why. His reply was "I'm engaged." WTF why do that do me the day before my birthday?

4.) After three months of dating, he didn’t get me anything for my birthday.

5.) I don't know how common it is to have a guy tell you a girl has cancer to get away with attempting to cheat with her.

6.) Follow up to the same guy from #5: He indicated I deserve to be punished because I told my friends what happened and made “everyone think poorly of him.”

7.) When the liquor shot set in, the guy I just met begins doing this nod thing towards the door and slurring "So, do you want to, like, go somewhere and...make out or something"

8.) This guy says two words to me at a party and goes in for a kiss without even being introduced. When I said, ummmm no, his response was, “So, you’re just going to reject me all night?”

9.) I would text him and say "I want to see you tonight." But he was too busy sitting at home with his cat and would see me the next day at his convenience.

10.) He tells me that for him to give me my stuff back I need to unblock him on Facebook because that's the NICE thing to do.

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

“What a piece of work is a man” -Shakespeare

-Jenny

Valentine’s Day Gifts under $50

Yesterday, I spent the day finding some kick-ass Valentine’s Day gifts that are under $50.

Because everyone uses the excuse that they're too "broke" for Valentine's Day gifts and that doesn't impress the lady in your life.

This follows my previous lists, "Unisex Valentine’s Day Gifts" and "Valentine’s Day Gifts that sound lame but aren’t.")

But even with a budget cap this year, these gifts feel more expensive than $50 so...lie about it.

Bluetooth speaker

Your boy or girlfriend will be the life of the party with a smashing new Bluetooth speaker. I know the awesomeness of the Bluetooth speaker having borrowed several over the past year. Sync your phone to it and hear your jams from the beach to the shower, while on the kickball field or any party. 

Concert tickets

This is a good one because you make memories while also giving a good gift. Two words of advice: If you don’t think you’ll be together in May, don’t get tickets for a concert in May. And don’t pick an all-ages show because you WILL feel old because every time the singer sings anything remotely familiar, you’ll see nothing but a wall of glowing iPhone screens.

Fishing pole

Yes, a fishing pole (rod + reel) that only costs $20 is going to be pretty crappy but GUESS WHAT IT DOESN’T MATTER IF YOU’RE ONLY CATCHING CRAPPIE. 

Fishing is a super fun activity, all you need is a waterway and a little bit of bait for a lively afternoon. Add a bicycle and bucket and you could be on the next cover of Garden and Gun Magazine. PLUS, you can play up a card about how you’re hooked on her....haha...(I’ll show myself out).

Cheapest dinner possible....but with great wine

It has come to my attention that my body can’t handle cheap wine anymore. It burns my throat going down, the hangovers are terrible and I have decided after careful consideration that I won’t get out of bed for anything less than $15 a bottle. Alternatively, cheap food is always in style. So take your $50 and get down on some frozen raviolis plus a packet of pesto or whatever else that costs no more than $10 and throw up $40 for an awesome wine that will get you both drunk without the pesky side effects of...you know...WANTING TO DIE.

A throw for the couch

You know those jokes about how girls are always freezing? Well, that one’s true. 

And with all these TV shows coming back this season like Vikings (or, uh, The Office episodes on repeat...for example), a throw is a perfect CHEAP warm and toasty gift that she’ll use everyday. Word of advice: Do NOT get something fleece, or with any sort of face on it, because we’re not in college anymore. Try something knitted, something wool-ish, something big that covers you both (wink wink.)

Roku streaming stick

And if you want to give her your Netflix password while you’re at it, I’m sure she’ll let you watch that documentary about the Dust Bowl (eyeroll). A Roku is exactly $50.

World Wildlife Fund Animal Adoption

If you have the kind of significant other who freaks out when you jokingly say that you’re going to poison the neighbor’s dog...I mean...for example...then this would be a great gift for that animal-lover/freak. 

Adoption kits come in $25 or $55 amounts, and you can pick your endangered species and it comes with a photo of your animal, a gift bag AND a plush toy of the species.

And who DOESN’T want a plush toy of a hippopotamus, giraffe or a blue-footed booby?? :) Also think of the jokes if your relationship and the species both become extinct within the next year!

So there you have it. 
Gifts under $50 that she'll remember forever. 

Here's to hoping you and your credit card survive this Valentine's Day.

xoxo

-Jenny

TOOLBAG TUESDAY

Boys can be so MEAN. (FYI: I just realized that “mean” is really “men” with an extra vowel hahaha)

Also mean? Massive work deadlines that I’m under, so I CAN’T write a long Toolbag Tuesday story today with a moral and everything.

I know...I’m so mean.

But what I CAN do is post notes from Toolbag Tuesday submissions I’ve received that have NO moral.

The ones with a certain WTF quality about them...you know, where I don’t want any more information.

So without further ado, I give you: MEAN BOYS COMPILATION, TAKE 1:

1.) He dutch-ovened me on a one-night stand and then stole my shoes. (Ed note: hahahahaha I actually should get more information about this.)

2.) Immediately said "don't tell Britney about this" after we hooked up (Britney is my best friend.)

3.) I planned a very sexy celebration weekend for his birthday and found out at dinner that he had actually gone out for his birthday (on the actual day) but I was not invited.

4.) Flew back to visit my long-distance boyfriend for the holidays after almost six months away and asked him, “So what are we doing for New Years?" And he said, "As of now, I’m going hunting."

5.) He had a ticket to go to France and then broke the news the day before he left that he was actually going to visit his ex-girlfriend there. He promised they were just friends and he’d email me all the time. I got one email from him, of a photo of a busted statue from a museum with no subject, note or description. He never called me again even after he returned.

6.) Picked a fight with me because he said I “cut green onions wrong” when I was making us nachos and it made him question our entire relationship.

7.) Found out he was picking up men AND women on Craig’s List, only because I got a notification that he changed our Craig’s List password. He was using the same account we had used to sell our sofa.

8.) Hooked up with a guy and the next day had a mutual friend/co-worker of his find out if he liked me, and he told her that he was actually secretly in love with her and asked her out to dinner that night.

...I mean, can there possibly be a moral to any of these??? 

Other than....just DON’T do any of these things, because they're really, really mean??

It’s common sense, really:

Don’t steal your one-night stand's shoes.
Don’t pick up people on Craig’s List.

..And make your own damn nachos.

Got a Toolbag Tuesday story? 

Email me at JennyJenny504@gmail.com

-Jenny

TOOLBAG TUESDAY

Usually when someone tells you they got a job…a job in today’s economy…it’s welcome news.

Right??

No.

Not…always.

Not when the person who got this new job is the person you met online, who you were planning to meet for the first time at happy hour that evening.

Wait…so you...DIDN’T have a job an hour ago?

(So glad those dating filters are working out.)

But it gets much worse.

I met 30-year-old Tim online and we “liked” each other and made plans to meet at this cool new spot for happy hour. 

We were texting the morning of our date back and forth with mindless chit-chat when he revealed the following: 

1.) He doesn’t have a job

2.) “Woah” he got a job at a liquor store just now!

3.) He goes to the liquor store at 11 a.m. on a Wednesday

4.) He is going to be an hour late now because of this new, unexpected job.

5.) Oh and he lost his debit card a week ago when he was drunk

6.) therefore, has no money

7.) and has no car

8.) …Do I still want to meet up????

I KNOW! All super attractive points.

That’s the day I quit online dating forever.

Spoiler alert - I politely declined our meeting – “you shouldn’t have to rush out of your first day of work,” I wrote.

Ha

What a complete waste of time.

First, let’s address the fact that he was going to a liquor store at 11 a.m.

“I just got a job offer at a liquor store!” Tim wrote to me randomly after saying he was “taking it easy” that day. (uhhhh, unemployed)

Naturally, I thought he was kidding.

“Do a fireball shot!” I wrote back. “Show them you mean business!”

“Really! Dude just called me and told me I can start right now! Gotta do it!” was his response.

Uh

What?

The he wrote: “I had no clue I was going to just walk into a liquor store and be offered a job!”

I didn’t respond.

Was that supposed to be attractive????

Surely he was joking.

Then, a half-hour before happy hour I get a text:

“Hey I just got off now and I won’t have time to run back to my house and get money but I’ll gladly come meet you,” he wrote.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Aww how did Tim know that was EXACTLY what I wanted to do??? — Meet up with someone for a date who doesn’t have any money!

“What?” I wrote back.

“Long story,” he wrote. “Basically I lost my debit card being a ‘drunken ass’ so it’s a good thing I have cash at my house for emergencies but I won’t have time to go home and get it. I ride my bike.”

Oh.

He has a bicycle.

He’s a drunken ass.

He loses things.

That's not a long story at all. 

Ha

You know, there are men out there who would NEVER, EVER think about taking a girl out on a date if they didn’t have any money. Ever. Period.

Unfortunately, they are a dying breed.

Apparently taking a girl out on a date and paying for it is so…last generation’s economy???

I’ll be the first one to say, 'sure, I’ll get the tab,' with a boyfriend or someone I'm actually dating, but this was just crass. 

A first date. A blind date.

I have no money, but I’ll gladly come meet you.

Ugh.

Yea I'm sure he would gladly have met me and let me pay for myself and him. 

Tim kept digging his "I'm unattractive" ditch deeper with every subsequent text.

“Sorry…I wasn’t planning on getting a job today so I wasn’t able to go home beforehand,” he wrote.

Hahahahahaha

Wasn’t planning on getting a job today.

Perfect.

“Let’s just rain check it,” I wrote politely. 

I then made it MY job to delete his number AND my online dating profile entirely.

And then made myself a liquor drink.

-Jenny

Unisex Valentine’s Day gifts

Last year, I wrote a list of Valentine’s Gifts That Sound Lame But Aren't, and I decided to write another one this year with a unisex gift theme.

Maybe it’s because I keep getting Valentine’s Day gift offers in my email and most of their suggestions are hilariously terrible.

Various online websites, Bustle, SKYMALL want you to give the man in your life whiskey rocks (frozen square rocks that take the place of ice so his whiskey doesn’t get watery). And cufflinks.

But since you can just pick up rocks on the sidewalk and put them in the freezer and, who needs cufflinks?? I decided to come up with a list of gifts that I think are cooler and more meaningful and will get people to remember you (and your awesome gift) even if ya'll break up.

A really good knife

I never knew the power of a really good knife until I got one for my birthday this year and it’s the only knife that’s constantly dirty in my kitchen. I use it all the time and I don’t even cook that much!!! 

Who knew that a really good knife makes chopping tomatoes SUPER easy?!? It’s refreshing. 

The one I was given was a chef-style knife by Shun, if you want to splurge (Williams Sonoma). And it’s red!! 

(Bonus: if you happen to break up, you can always make “she put a knife in my heart” jokes.)

Inside joke art

Art is always good. Definitely local art. But a step better, get art made of an inside joke or phrase that can be put on the wall!! 

My friend in New Orleans does small chalk art, and many local artists can commission a piece with your particular phrase in swooping, fancy letters. 

For example, the first time I told this one guy he was special he said, “That’s why I keep a helmet in my trunk” and it was so funny and it was an ongoing joke between us for months. 

If I was still dating him, I’d get that phrase done in chalk on the wall. (Then again...I’m special.)

Rain boots

No matter where you live (well, except Los Angeles), it’s ‘GON rain at some point. 

Rain boots are way handy when a torrential downpour happens, when you go to a muddy music festival, a rainy Mardi Gras parade, or when you need to put shoes on and get something out of your car right quick.

My old roommate in New Orleans had awesome cheetah print rain boots and kept them by the door and I miss borrowing them. 

You can be fancy and get HUNTER boots like Prince William and Kate Middleton, but really, any rain boots (NOLABOOTS here!!) are good. 

And what guy you know HAS rain boots?? Start a trend! Walk in puddles together! Take pictures of baby ducks!

Pasta roller machine

Re-enact Lady and the Tramp! 

Also, who doesn’t love pasta??? (If you’re dating someone who doesn’t love pasta, re-evaluate.) 

This is a cool and cheap gift that someone can use for years. And they can make all kinds of pasta with it - spinach pasta, red pepper pasta, even scallop pasta (watch Top Chef New Orleans finale). Even better, YOU get to benefit from their newfound culinary skills! 

You can even beef it up (huh huh get it) by getting a jar of super fancy pasta sauce to go along with it, maybe even some sausage in your pants and a card with an innuendo joke.

Business cards

Give his/her entrepreneurial spirit a BOOST with specialized business cards!! Even just their name and “I do stuff,” “I fix computers” “I walk dogs”

Or even: “I make pasta”

Haha

Getting business cards is a useful way to show that you’re supportive of your significant other's skills/hobbies/LIFELONG DREAM. And it's cute to know that you spent time designing and customizing it.

And no joke, 250 business cards are $8 at Vistaprint through Feb. 11. $8!!! I can’t even buy lunch for that.

“Aloe-infused” socks

Ok, maybe this one is more for the ladies, but it’s been cold as sh*t lately and everyone has been wearing socks around the house (dramatic hand on forehead). 

And you don’t KNOW luxury until you know what it feels like to put your cold, tired feet into ALOE VERA-lined socks.

They make your feet feel so good and so soft that you can't stop wiggling your toes in them. It’s like walking on an oily cloud!! Uh...in a good way.

Bonus: they’ll make your feet look cuter for flip-flop weather. You can usually get them at local spas in their gift area, or, you know, WalMart.

Sunglasses

Because hers are cheap and his are dorky and probably have “reflective lenses.”

Hahaha

There are a ton of cheap name brand sunglasses these days (thanks Obama economy) and websites like bluefly.com and even Sunglasses Hut have super discounted Ray Bans and other names I don’t know because I don’t own nice sunglasses.

I suggest aviators, because I think everyone (male and female) looks good in aviators. 

And with this gift, you can also add an accompanying card like “you are my (sunshine emoticon)” or “Yo! Future so bright.”

Month at a weird gym

Haha that picture.

I feel like everyone (side note: my arms hurt) is trying to work out more (#30sproblems) and getting your man or woman a month at a gym is not only super awesome but also a forced way to get them to think about you every time they go to a class!!! (Uhh...I may have issues.)

A month at a “traditional” gym works, but even better are weird or specialized gyms to give people a taste of something new. 

Every girl I know (Me! Me!) would LOVE a month at a barre class place, for example. Guys might like a month at a kickboxing or martial arts place. (In New Orleans, Mid City MartialArts and Fitness is great). 

Even more off the grid, in New Orleans, sign her up for The Chorus Girl Project and watch her learn and perform a dance from the 1920s!!! (It’s a hoot.)

And there you have it. 

My unisex Valentine’s Day gift list.

SIX DAYS LEFT, YA'LL!!!

But don't worry. If all else fails, you can always just pick up some rocks on the sidewalk and put them in the freezer  :)

-Jenny