Instead of writing about a toolbag yesterday, I spent the day trying to prevent a future toolbag by finding some kick-ass Valentine’s Day gifts that are under $50.
Because everyone uses the excuse that they're too "broke" for Valentine's Day gifts and that doesn't get ANYONE any face time the bedroom.
(This follows my previous lists, "Unisex Valentine’s Day Gifts" and "Valentine’s Day Gifts that sound lame but aren’t.")
But you know, even with a budget cap this year, these gifts feel more expensive than $50 so...lie about it.
Your boy or girlfriend will be the life of the party with a smashing new Bluetooth speaker. I know the awesomeness of the Bluetooth speaker having borrowed several over the past year. Sync your phone to it and hear your jams from the beach to the shower, while gardening (ed note: hahahahahahahaha), while on the kickball field or any party.
This is a good one because you make memories while also giving a good gift. And memories are fucking priceless. Two words of advice: If you don’t think you’ll be together in May, don’t get tickets for a concert in May. And don’t pick an all-ages show because you WILL feel old and get pissed off because every time the singer sings anything remotely familiar, you’ll see nothing but a wall of glowing iPhone screens.
Yes, a fishing pole (rod + reel) that only costs $50 is going to be pretty crappy but GUESS WHAT IT DOESN’T MATTER IF YOU’RE ONLY CATCHING CRAPPIE.
Fishing is a super fun activity, all you need is a waterway and a little bit of bait for a lively afternoon. Add a bicycle and bucket and you could be on the next cover of Garden and Gun Magazine. PLUS, you can play up a card about how you’re hooked on her....haha...(I’ll show myself out).
Cheapest dinner possible....but with great wine
It has come to my attention that my body can’t handle cheap wine anymore. It burns my throat going down, the hangovers are terrible and I have decided after careful consideration that I won’t get out of bed for anything less than $15 a bottle. Ha. Alternatively, cheap food is always in style. So take your $50 and get down on some frozen raviolis plus a packet of pesto or whatever else that costs no more than $10 and throw up $40 for an awesome wine that will get you both drunk without the pesky side effects of...you know...WANTING TO DIE.
A throw for the couch
You know those jokes about how girls are always freezing? Well, that one’s true.
And with all these new TV shows coming back this month like House of Cards and Game of Thrones (or, uh, The Office episodes on repeat...for example), a throw is a perfect CHEAP warm and toasty gift that she’ll use everyday. Word of advice: Do NOT get something fleece, or with any sort of face on it, because we’re not in college anymore. Try something knitted, something wool-ish, something big that covers you both (wink wink.)
Roku streaming stick
This genius device plugs into your significant other’s TV’s USB port and allows them to stream Netflix, HBOGo, play Pandora Radio and watch YouTube videos. And if you want to give her your Netflix password while you’re at it, I’m sure she’ll let you watch that documentary about the Dust Bowl (eyeroll). A Roku is exactly $50.
World Wildlife Fund Animal Adoption
If you have the kind of significant other who freaks out when you jokingly say that you’re going to poison the neighbor’s dog...I mean...for example...then this would be a great gift for that animal-lover/freak.
Adoption kits come in $25 or $55 amounts, and you can pick your endangered species and it comes with a photo of your animal, a gift bag AND a plush toy of the species.
And who DOESN’T want a plush toy of a hippopotamus, giraffe or a blue-footed booby?? :) Also think of the jokes if your relationship and the species both become extinct within the next year!
So there you have it. Gifts under $50 that she'll remember forever.
Here's to hoping you and your credit card survive this Valentine's Day.