I’ve STILL (sort of, kind of) been watching you people

Happy New Year!!! 2013!!!! WOOOO!!!

I've decided that I like the way the number 2013 looks. It’s strong, and rugged, like how many pounds God can bench press or something.
Or the title of a movie about sweaty gladiators.

Anyway.

Do you remember how last year, I was all sneaky and had this invisible site tracker on this blog and saw how often you people read it and how you got to it?? 

And how my favorite part was reading everyone's dumb Google searches???

Well, guess what?? I'M STILL GOOGLE-SEARCH-STALKING YOU PEOPLE!!!

(Yes, unlike my fleeting obsession with Draw Something, Words with Friends and Voxer, this little piece of technology keeps on entertaining!)

Do you ever wish YOU could spy on people’s dumb Google searches?? Well then get yourself a big brother TRACKER and wait for the material to just roll in.

Year after year, I’m baffled by what people are searching for, and even more baffled that they're directed to this blog, which dispenses very little information.

As of today, 55,772 people have clicked on this blog in its three years of existence – averaging 38 people per day – and I can guarantee that 34 of them are looking for hair perms.

Hair perms!!! My most popular blog post of all time!

(Also, the post with the most unflattering photo of me. Wait, nevermind.)

Last year, my post about getting a shot in my ass for strep throat was the big winner (the combination of “butt shot,” “nurse” and “jenny” is still a porn reference but most people have figured out that my blog is not sexy) because this year, more people are trolling for the 1980s hair sensation!

More than even “Toolbag Tuesday!” Because people are still totally Googling “Toolbag Tuesday”!!!!

Goin global, y’all!!!

Over the past year, as I’ve done before, I’ve been collecting the funniest Google searches people have used so I can list them here and we can marvel at them together.

And, as was the case in years’ past, no one got any information from clicking on my blog.

Because WTF:

cartoon jesus is born

tag team pudding wrestling

high school bikini car

how to accidentally kill yourself

bacon tastes like rubber

surge soda

products that no longer exist

thriller outfit ideas

hot dog fingers

perms before and after

antibiotic shot on the butt pain making me laugh

I can get a shot for strep throat?

what days do you dress up for mardi gras

what ingredients are in a strep throat shot

Toolbag Tuesday blog

Toolbag Tuesday purses

I hate New York

how do I get tattoos of my twins

tight cold wave perm

nurse likes when she gives a woman a shot in her butt

!!

(Sorry, person from Alabama. You were no doubt disappointed. There weren't even any pictures on that post.)

Here’s to another year everyone!! Thanks for reading. May all of your dreams come true and may you never encounter a toolbag.

-Jenny

P.S. That perm was a complete disaster. Don’t do it! Don’t live in the 1980s!! Live in the 2013…with…sweaty gladiators. And butt shots.  

I've been watching you people (2011 edition)

Does anyone remember last year when I wrote about how I got a tracker on my blog without telling anybody?

And I got to see where you people are from?

And I got to see how long you spend reading this blog?? AND ALL YOUR IP ADDRESSES??

Yea, I still have it.

Hello loyal readers from Canada!! And hello new reader from Australia!!

Are you by chance good-looking??

Ha.

You people's locations are hardly the most fun part of this site tracker, except when little icons of your foreign flags pop up. They're so cute. (P.S. How would you say "Toolbag" in Burmese?)

No...the best thing about this tracker is seeing the the referring page for this blog.

It's mostly through Facebook (THANKS FRIENDS!!!) but almost daily, people are referred to my blog from a dumb Google search.

Yes, I get to read people's dumb Google searches!!

And I can say with confidence that 90 percent of the people who clicked on my blog from a Google search did NOT get the answer they were looking for.

...unless they Google searched "Toolbag Tuesday"...BECAUSE PEOPLE TOTALLY GOOGLE SEARCH TOOLBAG TUESDAY!!!

Maybe I'll make some T-shirts.

So, what did I do with these Google searches? I did the same thing I did last year. I put them all into a Word document...while laughing.

Yet, tragedy struck when I got laid off from my job and the four-page Word document with ALL the searches I had collected was deleted when I wiped out my entire existence from the work computer.

D'OH!!!

But there's never a shortage of material when it comes to Google searches!!! In between screaming at the Louisiana Unemployment Commission, I've been collecting you people's Google searches since July.

And, I've solved a Google search mystery!

A lot of people were getting to my blog by searching for PORN with the names "Jenny and Joy" (which happens to be me and my twin sister's names)...and that made me suspicious.

But then I found out that there is Japanese CARTOON PORN (um...what) involving a "nurse Jenny" and "officer Joy" and that's really what people wanted to see, not hear about the adventures of me and my non-Asian twin...

Shouldn't the nurse wear the gloves??

It didn't help that I wrote a delightful blog about having strep throat this year and used the words "nurse," "Jenny," and "shot in the butt" (purely medical terms people!!!) because now I get a ton of internet traffic from people searching for "butt shot of nurse Jenny."

So, in addition to disappointing Japanese porn-lovers, here's what people Google-searched for hoping to learn by clicking on my blog:

Is it a good idea to use two running backs from the same team

robin quivers see through shirt

funny made up country names for beer Olympics

Toolbag Tuesday (yaaaay!!!)

JennySays

thriller dance arms

boyfriend goes zydeco dancing without me

twin tattoos

nurse ass shot

nurse patient butt shot

nurse put shot in my ass

gymnastics crab

the strep shot

nurse Jenny butt shot

jennyandjoy.com

mom biceps

salon permed hair

twin tattos

body wave perm before and after

"Wayne Campbell" catholic priest

grapes fancy dress

robin quivers nude

emma watson lipstick on teeth

my identical twin sister and I when we were babies

modern toilet paper holder

What are some Greek letters

grapes costume

what is colonel angus

Haha. That last one was quite a funny blog...you can read it here.

But, in all seriousness, thank you thank you THANK YOU EVERYONE from the bottom of my heart for reading!!!

27,614 people have read this blog since I started it as my New Year's resolution two years ago --- now averaging 40 people a day!!!

That's awesome!!!

Are you all bored at work too??

Thank you for letting me share my life and stories and I'm glad that at least some of you still want to be my friend in real life. Ha

I hope you have a great New Year and here's to a super bright future for each and every one of you!!

New Toolbag Tuesday suggestions welcome.

-Jenny

I’ve been watching you people

OK, OK. About six months ago, I put a tracker on this blog to see how many people read it a day and where you people are from.

Hello regular readers from Canada!!! I don’t know anyone from Canada but I want to visit your foreign land!!!

Really though. This tracker is like a nanny cam, only I don’t care if you curse at my blog while watching Jersey Shore instead of holding it and feeding it and burping it.

In the year I’ve had this blog, 8,971 people have read it, although many probably got here by accident and X’d out the page before even reading about the adventures of me and my twin sister, Joy.

Of the MASSES of readers, I can tell what “location” they are in, which is mainly New Orleans and the South Carolina town I lived in for ten years.

(No idea how the Canadian readers found it…perhaps it was this blog that drew you in???)

I also have some readers in Amsterdam, Japan and New Zealand, although I can vouch for friends in those countries (lucky bastards).

I know how long YOU PEOPLE spend reading the blog (average two minutes), and I know how y'all GOT to this blog, the “referring” page if you will.

(Mainly Facebook...thanks, friends!!! Are you bored at work, too??)

The referral feature is my favorite part of the tracker because at least once a week, people will get referred to my blog from a crazy Google search.
Yes, I get to read people’s dumb Google searches!!!!

Did YOU Google search something and land on this Web page? Was it “Toolbag Tuesday”?
Because people have totally Google searched Toolbag Tuesday!!!! It’s going global, y’all!!! haha

Now I’ve certainly Googled some crazy things in my day, like a video of a “chicken with its head cut off” to see if it really does run around…like a chicken with its head cut off.

(I was too nervous to watch the video, and never got the answer).

I’ve Googled COUNTLESS WebMd searches (including “hypochondria” and “paranoia”) and I’ve also Googled the name of the characters from the 90s TV show Salute Your Shorts recently to prepare for bar trivia, so I’m in no position to judge.

But I have learned from my site tracker that people search for things way more bizarre than Donkeylips and Camp Anawanna.

My favorite???

“who are the blonde twin sisters in the stouffer's lasagna commercial”

Haha... this was a Google search from someone in Norway. I have yet to see blonde twins in a Stouffer’s commercial, - or a Stouffer’s commercial, period – so this was a pretty bizarre search. (I'm pretty sure this post came up in the results.)

Sorry, Norwegin reader, it wasn’t me in the commercial. Good luck though.

Another Google Search winner?

“youtube jeans and feet twin sisters puking throwing vomiting in there toilet mouths videos”

(the domain location was unknown). WTF.

Another search, which no doubt brought up this classic Toolbag Tuesday post, was from an IP address in London from a medical research facility:

“peed drunk embarrassing”

(Let’s hope my blog is cited in a research paper about the subject).

So, what did I do with this information? I saved all the Google searches into a Word document so I could eventualy write a blog about it.

I’m like freaking WIKILEAKS y'all!

I don’t know what’s more surprising: people’s Google searches or the fact that this blog came up in the search results.

I highly doubt anyone who searched for these things found the answer they were looking for on this blog. At least for the first few:

pictures of little boys butts

masseuse "pinched my earlobes"

did michael jackson's nose fall off

boyfriend breaks up week before Christmas

in a relationship with nivea green facebook

saw you at the club hugged up with some tramp

pictures of men doing very unsafe things

what is cuhnal angus

hair perm pictures (a search from an IP address from Malaysia)

thriller dance costumes

man passes out in wheelchair at michael jackson video

emeril live audience

nola pride

nola garden flags

water meter doormats

bulimic

hot girls embarassed

consumer reports underwater mp3

toolbag tuesdays blog (YAYYY!!!!)

jennysayes

what were the dimensions of the cave the chilean miners were trapped in

he's in high school

chilean miners and new years' resolutions

stomach flu embarrass

new bar trivia names

earlobe nibbling

cookie dough

gelatotini

blog profile crossdress

cave size for the chilian miners

how did chilean miners get stuck there

i dont care about the miners

chilean miners cave blind

whole foods potato sack

worst halloween costume stories

products that no longer exist

annoyed at chile miners (haha).

And the final Google search, one from the fine country of Greece:

“Jenny and joy porn”

(No, that hasn’t been released, PERV.)

Really, though, thanks to everyone for reading my blog this year, from the bottom of my heart.

It’s the only New Year’s resolution I remember keeping, and it’s been fun to let everyone in on my life and Joy and my crippling neurosis.
And toolbags.

Stay tuned.

-Jenny