tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-89362338609974952782024-03-14T07:26:54.372-07:00JennySays...JennySayshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05068398508858068543noreply@blogger.comBlogger523125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8936233860997495278.post-9930796155626983312020-04-21T12:48:00.001-07:002020-04-21T12:48:10.488-07:00TOOLBAG TUESDAY<span style="font-size: large;">I bet there are a lot of guys excited about quarantine dating for the simple fact that they don’t have to pay for a first date.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">LOL</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">(Baller move: Getting restaurant delivery to a girl’s house, and then having a zoom date.)</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">But let’s be real. No guy is doing that.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">It’s hard enough to get a guy to pay for half your happy hour-priced tacos.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">There are several ways guys justify this cheap dating behavior, many of which I’ve written about:</span><br />
<em><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></em>
<em><span style="font-size: large;">-“Girls just meet guys online to get a ‘free dinner’ and I just want to make sure you’re not one of them.”</span></em><br />
<em><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></em>
<em><span style="font-size: large;">-“I lost my debit card a week ago when I was drunk so I don’t have any money.” (<a href="https://jennysays-hellofools.blogspot.com/2014/05/toolbag-tuesday_13.html">Read more)</a></span></em><br />
<em><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></em>
<em><span style="font-size: large;">-“Don’t women want to be treated equal??” <a href="https://jennysays-hellofools.blogspot.com/2015/11/toolbag-tuesday_18.html">(Read more)</a></span></em><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">LOL</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">(The last one is my personal favorite.)</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">The thing about these excuses is that—while they are all hilariously bad—they <em>reek</em> of an element of <em>“I would pay but…”</em></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Like, I <em>would</em> pay but I want to make sure you’re not one of those gold-digging b*tches who is only in this for a free half a pizza!</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Or, I <em>would pay if I wasn’t a drunk mess.</em></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">I would pay, <em>but feminism.</em></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">LOL</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">But there are other guys who don’t even pretend to have a reason to be cheap.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Full on honesty!</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Take Anthony, this guy my friend Lacy met online and met up with pre-quarantine at a bowling alley.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">(OMG I DIDN’T EVEN KNOW I MISSED BOWLING ALLEYS UNTIL JUST NOW)</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">It was a seemingly adorable and creative first date.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">It was at one of those hip bowling alley/bar combinations that was open really late and a fun scene.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">So when Anthony asked Lacy if she wanted to meet him at 10 pm for their date, it didn’t seem unusual to meet up so late.</span><br />
<em><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></em>
<em><span style="font-size: large;">That’s when the alley started going!!! This guy was COOL.</span></em><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Lacy arrived about 15 minutes early and saw Anthony at the bar. Brown hair, red shirt. Not as cute as his online picture, but cute enough.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">They had their awkward hellos and Lacy was excited to get to bowling to break the ice.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Anthony hesitated.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">“Well...let’s have a drink at the bar first,” Anthony said.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">“Oh, we can drink while we bowl,” Lacy said, having been there before. “Servers come around, actually.”</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Anthony hesitated again.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">“Well...it’s ladies night at 10 pm so I’d like to wait until then, so you can bowl for free and I don’t have to pay for you,” he said.</span><br />
<em><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></em>
<em><span style="font-size: large;">SO I DON'T HAVE TO PAY FOR YOU!</span></em><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">“Seriously?” Lacy asked.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Anthony then laughed about being a “cheapskate.”</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">That’s why he wanted to meet up so late! Not to have a cool scene, but so he could get out of paying for her!</span><br />
<em><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></em>
<em><span style="font-size: large;">GUTTER BALL!</span></em><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">The bright side is, Lacy didn’t even have to remove her shoes before ending the date.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">This is the kind of guy who makes you want to be in quarantine.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">-Jenny</span>JennySayshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05068398508858068543noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8936233860997495278.post-39802718554160364392019-11-12T14:27:00.000-08:002019-11-12T14:28:16.551-08:00TOOLBAG TUESDAYAll the hope and wonder and excitement of a first date can be ruined by several sentences: <br />
<br />
<i>Do you think the waitress would want to go out with me?</i> (<a href="https://jennysays-hellofools.blogspot.com/2010/07/toolbag-tuesday_13.html)">Read more</a>) <br />
<br />
<i>I have a job interview, can I use your urine?</i> <a href="https://www.blogger.com/(https://jennysays-hellofools.blogspot.com/2015/08/toolbag-tuesday_25.html">(Read more)</a> <br />
<br />
<i>I once dated my girlfriend's stepmom.</i> <a href="https://jennysays-hellofools.blogspot.com/2013/12/toolbag-tuesday_24.html">(Read more)</a><br />
<br />
These are all true stories.<br />
<br />
I learned about one more <i>gem </i>this past weekend. <br />
<br />
My friend, Julia, said it was the worst first date she had ever been on, ever. His name was Joel, he was 35, and they met online. <br />
<br />
<div>
Joel was seemingly normal (they always <i>seemingly </i>are) over Bumble messages and texts on a real phone. He was in accounting and appeared to have it together. She agreed to meet him at this trendy tapas place that weekend. <br />
<br />
She was already nervous. It was her first date following a very long relationship. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Her first time getting out there, meeting someone new, all the feelings of anticipation: Will he look like his picture? Will he pay for the bill and not be annoying about it? Will they kiss at the end of the night? <br />
<br />
It turns out, Joel also had questions. <br />
<br />
Well, just one. <br />
<br />
<i>YA’LL</i>. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
HIS OPENING LINE. <br />
<br />
“So…am I going to have sex later?" he asked.</div>
<div>
<br />
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <br />
<br />
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <br />
<br />
Julia assured me that Joel wasn’t joking. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
It was especially <i>grotesque </i>because it was her first date in a very long time and she hadn’t even entertained the possibility of anything other than a goodnight kiss. <i>MAYBE</i>. <br />
<br />
Despite being mortified, she managed an amazing response: "Not unless you have another date later," she said.</div>
<div class="yj6qo ajU" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; cursor: pointer; font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; margin: 2px 0px 0px; outline: none; padding: 10px 0px; width: 22px;">
</div>
<div>
LOL</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<i>ZING!</i></div>
<div>
<br />
Julia said they just kind of sat there awkwardly in silence in the high-top table by the bar. </div>
<div>
"I’m going to take off,” Julia said and got up. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Joel didn’t try and stop her, didn’t say anything else.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Fifteen words total and the date was over!!<br />
<br />
Just her luck to get <i>this guy</i> after a decade of being in a relationship! <br />
<br />
Why couldn’t he have just been a guy who looked nothing like his picture?</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Why couldn't he have asked her for her urine?</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
LOL</div>
<div>
<br />
-Jenny</div>
JennySayshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05068398508858068543noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8936233860997495278.post-48057426503668323932018-05-23T08:47:00.001-07:002018-05-25T13:21:26.732-07:00Waiting for you, babe<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">We never thought she’d get here.</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">This wasn’t labor for 8 hours, like when I was there for my friend <a href="http://jennysays-hellofools.blogspot.com/2014/09/kirstie-alley-is-liar-and-other-things.html">Kristin</a>.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">This was 24 hours of labor. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Actually <i>24 hours</i> in the hospital, in a bed, hooked up to
monitors, waiting around.</span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">I was there with her husband, <a href="https://jennysays-hellofools.blogspot.com/2014/10/how-my-twin-sister-got-new-legs.html">Daniel</a>, the whole time,
waiting.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Waiting for my first niece. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">The niece from my <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">identical
twin sister, <a href="http://jennysays-hellofools.blogspot.com/search/label/Joy">Joy</a>.</i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!</span><br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiocMo9PSnM1PUEve9slUBlMTSsvF8FkXt6ElulUn4AyXOCofF1Z8z4Ur-VIeU3qS56BG4IbpeFCXzbCYCDz_ef47iCvDVbKx-YfeGFeuqjzxY_QWW0WUKqcOtpYoQ0mVrtLYE65_vwNll6/s1600/IMG_0594.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="769" data-original-width="1024" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiocMo9PSnM1PUEve9slUBlMTSsvF8FkXt6ElulUn4AyXOCofF1Z8z4Ur-VIeU3qS56BG4IbpeFCXzbCYCDz_ef47iCvDVbKx-YfeGFeuqjzxY_QWW0WUKqcOtpYoQ0mVrtLYE65_vwNll6/s400/IMG_0594.JPG" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">For nine months, I wondered if she’d look like me.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">For a month straight, I waited with my phone NOT on silent,
waiting for the call that Joy was in labor. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">We waited as her due date crept up. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Once we were at the hospital, we were all ready. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">And then she made us wait an entire extra day.<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">It was really fitting, I suppose, all this waiting because there
hasn’t been a baby in our close-knit <a href="https://jennysays-hellofools.blogspot.com/2015/07/all-in-family.html">family </a>for 35 years, since when Joy and I were born.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">No one had ever changed a diaper.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">This baby was significant. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Especially</i> to me,
because it’s my first time being an aunt. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">(Well, OK, I suppose it was significant to Daniel, too.)</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">But she was also significant to Daniel’s family,
because it was the only girl in that family for years.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">A tribe of boys all on that side.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">We waited.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">We waited for our whole lives to be different. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">From midnight to 5 a.m., things were slow and uneventful. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Then after on-and-off naps from 6-9 a.m., it remained...slow and uneventful.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">At 10 a.m., we got news that she was halfway to the point of
delivery.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">We put out the word to friends and family.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">And then we all waited.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">“I feel like she’s never going to get here,” Joy said at
1:22 p.m.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">We talked and chatted. We told jokes and watched bad
television. We perked up whenever the nurse came in, hoping she’d magically birth
the baby.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Everything was ready and in place at 7:30 p.m.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">But still, she didn’t want to come out.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">COME ON, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">BABY</i>! I
wanted to scream. <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">DON’T YOU KNOW HOW MANY
PEOPLE ARE WAITING FOR YOU, WAITING TO LOVE YOU??</i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">The candles that were distributed to close girlfriends to
light during Joy’s labor had long gone out. (Haha...<i>HIPPIES.</i>)</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">It was now 20 hours in labor.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">At 8 p.m., the nurse said we were done waiting for the baby
and told Joy that she had to push this baby out on her own, with no help from
the baby who was apparently allergic to the birth canal.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Joy had to make it happen.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Now, I don’t know if you’ve ever spent 20 hours in labor,
but imagine competing in a Strongman competition that you didn’t at all train
for. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">And then once you’re done, they tell you there’s a
last-minute event. Now it’s time to climb a mountain.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">“I would quit!”</i> I announced,
mainly to make Joy laugh. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">“Wait, do people quit?” I asked the nurse.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">She replied, “I’ve seen…lots of things.”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Ha</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">But Joy wasn’t quitting. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">No hesitation, she took every single ounce of her energy
both mentally and physically to get the baby that we had all been waiting for
into the world.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">It was more pride than I’ve ever had for Joy that instead of
breaking down and giving up about this situation, or deciding to quit pushing,
or even being bratty (which happens when someone doesn’t eat or sleep for 20
hours) </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">She didn’t give up once. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Not even for a second.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">I didn’t know that I was waiting to see Joy be so strong and so brave.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">AND SHE PUSHED (think sit-ups with a 20-pound dumbbell on
your stomach that is also thoughtfully pushing into a nerve in your back) for
three entire hours.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">THREE HOURS.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">...coming off of 20 hours.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">With each push we tried to make her laugh, tried to calm her
breathing in between. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Daniel and I tried to muster even a fraction of the
energy Joy was displaying.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">And then, in a very dramatic
fashion, she was born in the last hour of May 10, 2018.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">And we all cried.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><i>SHE HAD DARK HAIR! </i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">(That’s not why we were crying.)</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Elise Rose Farrae was the tiniest and cutest thing I had
ever seen and I instantly fell in love with her.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">“WE’VE BEEN WAITING FOR YOU!” we cried. “ALREADY MAKING AN
ENTRANCE, THIS ONE!”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjXXG5vlSwjjpvcDaPmkXG6Xn6BFoSTVB5rSpRyZQd895EAIHOsKqmhUnnHe66Jce9CxcRx04_2xva10ouD1-TSPTm66ZcfshoXzcTmsazh8Yu4Nxnwf7vWzgNEJIFO7sLvEm2N0uoMoPgY/s1600/IMG_0605.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjXXG5vlSwjjpvcDaPmkXG6Xn6BFoSTVB5rSpRyZQd895EAIHOsKqmhUnnHe66Jce9CxcRx04_2xva10ouD1-TSPTm66ZcfshoXzcTmsazh8Yu4Nxnwf7vWzgNEJIFO7sLvEm2N0uoMoPgY/s400/IMG_0605.JPG" width="300" /></a><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEheFZ2jtESExrue-ZqfZvUHJmaRCGjASvYHG94eQhGNcCWL0v8EbcnfTms3ofqO1QWDbLN4HgSEqu0Xi2Y76JCRR9h7EW5LOkAjZDXYkC9bbUlURJxQV-1xbGyyoKaDiETva_ABlhP9Hsp6/s1600/Elise.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEheFZ2jtESExrue-ZqfZvUHJmaRCGjASvYHG94eQhGNcCWL0v8EbcnfTms3ofqO1QWDbLN4HgSEqu0Xi2Y76JCRR9h7EW5LOkAjZDXYkC9bbUlURJxQV-1xbGyyoKaDiETva_ABlhP9Hsp6/s400/Elise.jpg" width="300" /></a></div>
<br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">The announcement went out to everyone waiting across
multiple time zones.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Joy made the assessment that the labor was long and arduous because
she had an easy pregnancy.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-size: large;">NO, JOY, IT’S BECAUSE WE WERE ALL WAITING FOR HER AND SHE KNEW IT.</span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Also, maybe because she’s a Taurus, who are known for their stubbornness. <i>(Aunt Jenny has jokes!)</i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">“Thanks for keeping us on our toes, precious one,” one
friend wrote back.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">The birth was beautiful and long and stressful, because
when you wait for something so long, you want her to be born as soon as possible.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">And now that she’s been in the world for exactly two weeks, I’m
learning that waiting for her to be born was just the beginning.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">I didn’t know that I was waiting to stare at her every
second I was around her. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">I didn’t know I was waiting for this odd, unusual feeling
like warm water being poured into my heart every time I see her.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<iframe seamless="seamless" src="https://getyarn.io/yarn-clip/embed/8bc24cf0-a43d-4c44-ad97-841b39252aa6?autoplay=false" style="border: none; display: block; height: 360px; max-width: 420px; width: 100%;"> </iframe><span style="font-size: large;">I didn’t know I was waiting to see Daniel be the most doting
dad in the world, connecting with his dark-haired mini-me daughter so immediately and
profoundly.</span><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvWpXo4z66Z17O5M3j7HII4xi4dC5ngIPnVlL-DZYAZ23m3Rlnx-Q_dLQK-W9vIN4d1nEsERm1qrxcATrW6utokwbGxtLzkeXfFhpXxxYEuqe8PM-1Ij7uIDNDgzh9xURnLouCuaFXGwKl/s1600/elise2.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvWpXo4z66Z17O5M3j7HII4xi4dC5ngIPnVlL-DZYAZ23m3Rlnx-Q_dLQK-W9vIN4d1nEsERm1qrxcATrW6utokwbGxtLzkeXfFhpXxxYEuqe8PM-1Ij7uIDNDgzh9xURnLouCuaFXGwKl/s320/elise2.jpeg" width="240" /></a></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><i>This is just the beginning!</i></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Now
there’s another little person to carry on our family lineage, the first baby in 35
years.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">A baby I’ve waited my entire life to meet.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">And, I can't wait to see what life has in store for us, Elise.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">-Jenny</span><br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjrLRrPaDP041fQT0Tuqmvv_Gg1xRAiZllKdnHhuDG2xFSdA7dtbglxbTupsHq4-A79YWpwy_SF8gbcPj6a3CnV15lLBa52So8Y-AtVh77kEyyC-hrrXVByJhtS-4ZA9ceQfAF3xio8yFfu/s1600/IMG_0608.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjrLRrPaDP041fQT0Tuqmvv_Gg1xRAiZllKdnHhuDG2xFSdA7dtbglxbTupsHq4-A79YWpwy_SF8gbcPj6a3CnV15lLBa52So8Y-AtVh77kEyyC-hrrXVByJhtS-4ZA9ceQfAF3xio8yFfu/s320/IMG_0608.JPG" width="240" /></a><br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgR0ihnrWjqw4B42bilJSn809orRuZloX6lDD8kj51xJIobG4prmD-nCxlyaOSeORDwuUSijJpoY8QrXssiU4Rf57X-uhMbPQXEy700aa6GkpwDo3t7vlAjnMnkOjUX9ajk5Bhf-QriRW5K/s1600/NNTA9444.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1600" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgR0ihnrWjqw4B42bilJSn809orRuZloX6lDD8kj51xJIobG4prmD-nCxlyaOSeORDwuUSijJpoY8QrXssiU4Rf57X-uhMbPQXEy700aa6GkpwDo3t7vlAjnMnkOjUX9ajk5Bhf-QriRW5K/s320/NNTA9444.jpg" width="320" /></a><br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjB5tDNh0mxb6jdLRLgDlNuj2SYwCkGErLAHTBvcZad5o7k0Q-nzI7PYhS7ZsDY66Ip0k6nzwxnISIrBTNm-VHC4vB2L9JT4sJia9d0Xpf-ZJvCYAQvLh_yBVAK887gCq2agRcq0hhKArzi/s1600/IMG_0614.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjB5tDNh0mxb6jdLRLgDlNuj2SYwCkGErLAHTBvcZad5o7k0Q-nzI7PYhS7ZsDY66Ip0k6nzwxnISIrBTNm-VHC4vB2L9JT4sJia9d0Xpf-ZJvCYAQvLh_yBVAK887gCq2agRcq0hhKArzi/s400/IMG_0614.JPG" width="300" /></a><br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjsKK_VkckNPZ42gnrkAhYNZanKduBhOO_2qhDpb3PiSmX2OHRu9ltUFMqGMhgyS8VKaYGdVSrlAm1W0LJEZ4-rMCWp25JH0UbK2ennYsTNlKWI2gs-f32ha5hB3qEXhK66ywJfc-onHkDY/s1600/IMG_0640.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjsKK_VkckNPZ42gnrkAhYNZanKduBhOO_2qhDpb3PiSmX2OHRu9ltUFMqGMhgyS8VKaYGdVSrlAm1W0LJEZ4-rMCWp25JH0UbK2ennYsTNlKWI2gs-f32ha5hB3qEXhK66ywJfc-onHkDY/s400/IMG_0640.JPG" width="300" /></a><br />
<br />
<br /></div>
JennySayshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05068398508858068543noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8936233860997495278.post-51928427549086183842017-11-14T16:09:00.002-08:002017-11-14T16:09:33.076-08:00I'VE MOVED!!!Hi.<div>
<br /><div>
Sorry I've been gone from here.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
My twin sister, <a href="http://jennysays-hellofools.blogspot.com/search/label/Joy">Joy</a>, bought me a domain name for Christmas (OMG it's almost this Christmas) and I've been posting Toolbag Tuesday there since February.<div>
<br /><div>
I haven't ghosted you!</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Check me out at <a href="http://www.toolbagtuesday.com/">www.toolbagtuesday.com</a>.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Also, how <i>2016 </i>a gift was that??!?!?</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
XOXO</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I'll post non-toolbag stories again soon. Maybe.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
-Jenny</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
JennySayshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05068398508858068543noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8936233860997495278.post-45173929754019076932017-02-09T14:17:00.000-08:002017-02-10T08:07:14.686-08:00Valentine’s Day gifts you didn’t even know you wanted<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">It's </span><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Valentine’s Day again!!</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">And it’s time for another list of Valentine’s Day gifts!!</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">I know, <i>errrrrrr</i>, no one actually <i>asked </i>me to write a list of
Valentine’s Day gifts for any of the years I’ve been writing these.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">But there are a lot of clueless, scared people out there who
need to get something for their significant other in FIVE DAYS.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><i>TICK
TOCK TICK TOCK.</i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">This list follows my previous Valentine’s Day gift lists: <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><a href="http://jennysays-hellofools.blogspot.com/2013/02/valentines-day-gifts-that-sound-lame.html">“Valentine’s Day gifts that sound lame but aren’t”</a><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><a href="http://jennysays-hellofools.blogspot.com/2014/02/unisex-valentines-day-gifts.html">“Unisex Valentine’s Day Gifts”</a></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><a href="http://jennysays-hellofools.blogspot.com/2015/02/valentines-day-gifts-under-50.html">“Valentine’s Day gifts under $50”</a> and <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><a href="http://jennysays-hellofools.blogspot.com/2016/02/oh-shit-its-valentines-day-in-2-days.html">“Oh shit, it’s Valentine’s Day in 2 days!!!</a> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">(There’s bound to be
something in one of those lists that will make your significant other take his
or her clothes off on Tuesday!!)</span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">I was having a hard time coming up with a “theme” for this
year, so I thought about things I actually own or have experienced where I was
like, <i>I. HAD. NO. IDEA. I. NEEDED. THIS.</i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><i>ME</i>-TESTED!!!!</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraph">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">1.) <a href="http://www.apple.com/shop/product/MMEF2AM/A/airpods">iPhone air pods</a></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraph">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraph">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEghX7p0Pg_xmkZd29AuHqqJYY-zeKkDuKaAkUXTdQvCK74c9u5SitGS_DXLxdvZNf8HAD62Ydp9a-yf6hOcit4o9ym92trK3WiqxLF0hTVMWJ6muCYGAmiTlXmu7__Yn2qpIdopvkMS4uvI/s1600/airpods.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEghX7p0Pg_xmkZd29AuHqqJYY-zeKkDuKaAkUXTdQvCK74c9u5SitGS_DXLxdvZNf8HAD62Ydp9a-yf6hOcit4o9ym92trK3WiqxLF0hTVMWJ6muCYGAmiTlXmu7__Yn2qpIdopvkMS4uvI/s400/airpods.jpg" width="283" /></span></a></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraph">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraph">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Perhaps you don’t know anyone rich or fancy who got the new iPhone 7 and got the wireless earphones that come with it. TOO BAD FOR YOU. Once I put those little things in my ears I. HAD. NO. IDEA. that I could be so enveloped in music without huge earmuff headphones. They’re magical; no wires, so you can use them to work out without getting tangled in machines, crystal clear sound and <i>bonus</i>, it’s a great way to tune out your significant other. Ha.<br /><br />2.) <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Amazon-Echo-Bluetooth-Speaker-with-WiFi-Alexa/dp/B00X4WHP5E">Amazon Echo</a> (Alexa)</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraph">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraph">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHByCIOs-tIwl0xLHcvqBVHGUKALfiag_QMyXUU5ZnXxmztFRXhmXhXMVvE4ASPVYgsRq8EnN4-Ygxv4EtXC-y9U5tvkX8HGdAHdg8n_303-8u0cOe0Yb3-NcJ355SRY2m47aU7AaCs89b/s1600/alexa.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHByCIOs-tIwl0xLHcvqBVHGUKALfiag_QMyXUU5ZnXxmztFRXhmXhXMVvE4ASPVYgsRq8EnN4-Ygxv4EtXC-y9U5tvkX8HGdAHdg8n_303-8u0cOe0Yb3-NcJ355SRY2m47aU7AaCs89b/s400/alexa.jpg" width="400" /></a><br /><br />Perhaps you don’t know anyone rich or fancy who has an Alexa, BUT I DO, IT’S MY ROOMMATE. For the past four months I’ve been able to experience this <i>much-nicer</i> Siri basically be my electronic servant and answer anything I ask. You can ask her to stream WWOZ (<a href="http://jennysays-hellofools.blogspot.com/2011/05/my-radio-my-love.html">I heart N.O.</a>) or when the end of the world is. I honestly don’t know what life was like without her.</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraph">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraph">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">3.) <a href="http://www.target.com/p/buqu-power-bank-pina-yellow/-/A-50607488?ref=tgt_adv_XS000000&AFID=google_pla_df&CPNG=PLA_Electronics+Shopping&adgroup=SC_Electronics&LID=700000001170770pgs&network=g&device=c&location=9010525&gclid=Cj0KEQiA5vXEBRChycOl36LPn5EBEiQAJV2-bHKrwnq1sNuCVc4JdhSijObX9rN8dlVepn4tRA7SRPEaApsZ8P8HAQ&gclsrc=aw.ds">Portable charger</a></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraph">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEifwSpZH-H1CyY0OfPEBSSXWpcOLn5jdjyVtTc1JmsNBCooIY-OnQVbgKZ9CcmwOkJcnHb8Kx5mzyMqqErzsSmsYOAtOHXtWJdc24PMJFEiYX1exEk1a7iQhINtNpuTV8hqszV8p3a_Sl3l/s1600/powerbank.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEifwSpZH-H1CyY0OfPEBSSXWpcOLn5jdjyVtTc1JmsNBCooIY-OnQVbgKZ9CcmwOkJcnHb8Kx5mzyMqqErzsSmsYOAtOHXtWJdc24PMJFEiYX1exEk1a7iQhINtNpuTV8hqszV8p3a_Sl3l/s400/powerbank.jpg" width="400" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">So, if you <i>aren’t </i>rich or fancy, you probably have an <i>old </i>iPhone and it’s always dead. (I know...I'm psychic.) Make everyone's life easier with a portable charger! Yes, the secret here is to remember to <i>charge </i>your <i>charger </i>AND to remember to bring it with you. But this adorable charger fits on your key ring so that means you'll at least always have it whenever you have your keys. Baby steps...<br /><br /><br />4.) <a href="https://www.groupon.com/occasion/flight-packages">Groupon all-inclusive getaway</a></span></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiP1VcLFboqvsC5AmqV3fbxeKXVzeaiduVeMFo__Soei_t7__EysmUNBvJuJNBWB7Bx6nvKQHgvP-0Yq7_l_WlC6qhbAhGZ3NfL5YR-hdEfng0uQGB7ph1O0lGnEVHM1StM564LxrLdw1ap/s1600/DR.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiP1VcLFboqvsC5AmqV3fbxeKXVzeaiduVeMFo__Soei_t7__EysmUNBvJuJNBWB7Bx6nvKQHgvP-0Yq7_l_WlC6qhbAhGZ3NfL5YR-hdEfng0uQGB7ph1O0lGnEVHM1StM564LxrLdw1ap/s400/DR.jpg" width="400" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;">I used to be skinny</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">I know what you’re thinking. <i>Booking a flight through Groupon?? Uh, ok idiot. </i>But it’s legit! I swear! I went on an all-inclusive trip to the Dominican Republic in 2015 and it was one of the best vacations I’ve ever been on. And it was totally affordable for all you can eat and drink plus the flight and hotel on the beach for a week (like less than $100/day for all that) GO TO JAMAICA, MON. OR ICELAND. SHE’LL LOVE YOU.<br /><br />5.) <a href="https://www.shutterfly.com/custom-path/stylecatalog.sfly">Hardcover photo book</a><br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgo9BeLIXZ3o1__dWLCh_H8TO1ryBrW3_4ImkYucV-VijwnqAliA8PteRhRyCWilLkDDJlJfqq_GCDZOzbwJqPn3SKiMF_C-ckpAnG9kujfu_D_lfYh3F4K-J4ch5fZ-iipikxNCef8-sy4/s1600/photobook.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="296" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgo9BeLIXZ3o1__dWLCh_H8TO1ryBrW3_4ImkYucV-VijwnqAliA8PteRhRyCWilLkDDJlJfqq_GCDZOzbwJqPn3SKiMF_C-ckpAnG9kujfu_D_lfYh3F4K-J4ch5fZ-iipikxNCef8-sy4/s400/photobook.jpg" width="400" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br />Shutterfly lets you put up to <i>1,000 </i>pictures into a book for $20 !!!!! Every time I go over to my sister’s house and see the photobook she made for her husband, I smile with every page turn. It's an easy way to <i>shove your good time in people’s faces</i> when they come over to visit. Keep it on your coffee table and everyone who comes over will look through it.<br /><br />6.) <a href="https://www.bedbathandbeyond.com/store/product/oster-reg-myblend-blender/200934?skuId=18573202&mcid=PS_googlepla_brand_brand_&adpos=1o1&creative=45758750869&device=c&matchtype=&network=g&product_id=18573202&gclid=Cj0KEQiAw_DEBRChnYiQ_562gsEBEiQA4LcssupevGGNvZHTJx5SgmutO_LJ_l5qZHuPlo1RkyRnjvcaAqvW8P8HAQ#BVRRWidgetID">Portable blender bottle</a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraph">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQAIEdYZ9jOlctZtUMwzoCv6REpTLiF8-lcNF-1Q4NcTOXrDKX2m3COaMg-fRBet0xHbPiVnkbP2xXIB2Wn4IGsNx1As8HOT1-1-XcJ3GE2RALNNmupx0Y-byFtc6R225FAy_3_tNO5rBN/s1600/blender.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQAIEdYZ9jOlctZtUMwzoCv6REpTLiF8-lcNF-1Q4NcTOXrDKX2m3COaMg-fRBet0xHbPiVnkbP2xXIB2Wn4IGsNx1As8HOT1-1-XcJ3GE2RALNNmupx0Y-byFtc6R225FAy_3_tNO5rBN/s400/blender.jpg" width="400" /></a><br /><br />I’m in my 30s now and every diet book is all like, “MAKE SMOOTHIES!” “BUY PROTEIN POWDER!” “STOP DRINKING A BOTTLE OF WINE EVERY NIGHT!” <i>Rude</i>. I found that it’s much easier to make a smoothie when you can just blend it and take the bottle with you without having to do laborious things like "rinse it out" or "do the dishes." And it’s only $30! And you can get TWO water bottles if you choose the pink/blue option <a href="https://www.bedbathandbeyond.com/store/product/oster-reg-myblend-blender/200934?skuId=18573202&mcid=PS_googlepla_brand_brand_&adpos=1o1&creative=45758750869&device=c&matchtype=&network=g&product_id=18573202&gclid=Cj0KEQiAw_DEBRChnYiQ_562gsEBEiQA4LcssupevGGNvZHTJx5SgmutO_LJ_l5qZHuPlo1RkyRnjvcaAqvW8P8HAQ#BVRRWidgetID">here</a>. </span><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">It is my most used kitchen appliance (aside from the wine key)</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br />So there you have it. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><i><br /></i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><i>Valentine's Day gifts you didn't even know you wanted!!!</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Valentine's Day gifts I didn't even know <i>I</i> wanted!!!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">And, well, if all else fails, you can just take your own clothes off on Tuesday.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">-Jenny</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
JennySayshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05068398508858068543noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8936233860997495278.post-12270260846281421192016-12-06T12:26:00.000-08:002016-12-06T12:26:23.779-08:00TOOLBAG TUESDAY<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">It’s hard <i>not</i> to complain about everything lately. There’s
just so much material. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Trump’s Twitter feed. A five-foot-tall Christmas tree costing
$40. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">…The fact that my health insurance refuses to cover a typhoid vaccine from when I went to
<a href="http://jennysays-hellofools.blogspot.com/2016/09/toolbag-tuesday_27.html">Guatemala </a>because reimbursing customers for preventative health care is as foreign a concept as…Guatemala. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">(Also, complaining about having first-world problems.)</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">But, in these seemingly <i>DARK</i>
and <i>DISMAL</i> times, you know what is virtually
<i>impossible</i> to complain about? </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: large;">S-e-x.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Or…so you think.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">!!!!!!!!<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">!!!!!!!<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Apparently, there are GUYS out there who complain about sex,
and I don’t mean complain about NOT getting it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">!!!!!!!!!!!<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I<i> KNOW!!!!!!<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">My friend Margie told me this mortifying story about this guy
she dated, Griffin, who was nothing but a critic. UGH.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">They went out several years ago, when they both worked at a
restaurant. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Griffin didn’t exactly get a good life review himself, since we’re
on the subject of assessments.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">He was in his early 30s, lived at home, wasn’t in great
shape and he struggled with getting customers’ orders right. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">He also spent all his
free time at the restaurant bar.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">But Margie thought he was fun and harmless, so they went out for
a few months. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">One day, there was a throwback “drive in movie” playing somewhere
and they decided to go. Margie said in typical 1950s fashion, they totally did
the hanky panky, grab-ass or whatever the cool kids call it, all in the privacy of the car.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Margie said it was the first time they had ever been <i>that</i> physical before, and it
was all very exciting as Indiana Jones played on the big screen.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">And, well, she
didn’t do anything that <i>uhhhhh </i>Monica Lewisky hasn’t done before.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">No complaints from Griffin there.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Margie felt a little sheepish on the
way home about it, as most teenagers in the 1950s did, I imagine. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">But as she looked to Griffin for some sort of comfort about
it<span style="background-color: white; color: #545454;">—</span><span style="background-color: white;">Griffin, the</span></span><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"> guy who had absolutely <i>ZERO </i>going for him</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #545454; font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: large;">—</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: large;">he</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #545454; font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: large;"> </span><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">politely told her, "thanks
for going out with me tonight" and then added….<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">“That was the eighth best B.J. I’ve ever had in my
life."<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">EXCUSE ME?!??!?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">THE <i>WHAT-th</i> BEST????<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I don’t know what the bigger joke was, his B.S. line or pretending like he’s had eight B.J.s before.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Regardless, it was in poor taste, the <i>worst of the worst</i> in poor taste, and Margie ran out of his car <i>mortified, </i>5000% regretting her
decision.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">WHO THE <i>F</i> SAYS
THAT???? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">How about, <i>"Baby, that was amazing, I'll never look at the Ark the same way!"?????</i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><i>No, let's make up a rate system instead! Let's make the girl I'm dating feel **really good** about her life choices!!! </i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Gross. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">GROSS <i>EIGHT TIMES OVER.<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Now, how can we get him to contract typhoid…..</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: large;">-Jenny</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
JennySayshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05068398508858068543noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8936233860997495278.post-19800563023272414482016-12-05T15:14:00.000-08:002017-02-10T08:13:54.133-08:00A December to remember<div class="MsoNormal">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">My twin sister Joy said a co-worker came into her office
recently and asked how to pronounce her last name.</span></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">“That’s <i>weird</i>,” I
said. “Our last name is, like, one of the top <i>five</i>
most common names in <st1:country-region>America</st1:country-region>.
What an <i>idiot!</i>” (Actually Census says it's number 65)</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Joy paused.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Then I paused.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">"OH <i>DUH!!!!!!"</i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">“Of course…your ‘married’ name.” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">(For the record, her new last name isn't even in the top 1,000
most common last names in the U.S.)</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">(I guess that coworker wasn't an idiot haha)</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">It feels like only yesterday that a such a major life-changing event
occurred, but in fact, it was a year ago. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">One year ago <i>EXACTLY</i>, in fact.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><i>A YEAR AGO THAT MY TWIN SISTER <st1:stockticker>GOT</st1:stockticker>
MARRIED!!!!!!!!</i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjg1hzw9tRGNOm7GqOSCHvx75_0kT6Uu4AnMY6W6svQq_4JZW5AuTc9T2fp_piuumyR2QkVSraNbUI5R9OKGGu5MoaUHn-sy7cO70ndVK8rH4FeEbTZoFYMTPaX9jkfhqORgn1k9sTj8Cx-/s1600/Joy+P+and+Daniel+F-Portraits-0052.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjg1hzw9tRGNOm7GqOSCHvx75_0kT6Uu4AnMY6W6svQq_4JZW5AuTc9T2fp_piuumyR2QkVSraNbUI5R9OKGGu5MoaUHn-sy7cO70ndVK8rH4FeEbTZoFYMTPaX9jkfhqORgn1k9sTj8Cx-/s400/Joy+P+and+Daniel+F-Portraits-0052.jpg" width="266" /></a></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhb0kt5dRixS6247Q8eHD2ln1MPdWGyMlaL368gwg1Ovjv47R3912-VT5NfLBFhb6RX-tyK-uyIFlOM4VucetE2zgEJjX7ZFlcBEzVP58h_PhEPzbCnOWH-YWn3lWkIrOg-nf4UB6jZ2SDj/s1600/Joy+P+and+Daniel+F-Portraits-0026.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhb0kt5dRixS6247Q8eHD2ln1MPdWGyMlaL368gwg1Ovjv47R3912-VT5NfLBFhb6RX-tyK-uyIFlOM4VucetE2zgEJjX7ZFlcBEzVP58h_PhEPzbCnOWH-YWn3lWkIrOg-nf4UB6jZ2SDj/s400/Joy+P+and+Daniel+F-Portraits-0026.jpg" width="266" /></span></a><br />
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">I know it’s hard for most people to remember what they were
doing a year ago. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">(I’m not real clear about what I was doing a <i>week</i> ago.)</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">But on this day<i>
exactly</i> a year ago, I know exactly what I was doing—getting scolded
by my mom for my makeup.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">“YOUR FACE LOOKS <st1:stockticker>TOO</st1:stockticker> ORANGE!”
my mom said, across the large, airy room at a rented beach house on <st1:place><st1:city>Folly
Beach, South Carolina</st1:city><st1:state>.</st1:state></st1:place> “IT NEEDS TO BE <i>BLENDED</i> MORE!”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">I took a sip of champagne (also met with displeasure by our mom haha) and apologized to the makeup artist for my whiteness.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Seven bridesmaids were all lined up to get our
hair and makeup done and I
felt like I was getting ready for the Academy Awards. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">We all wore gorgeous matching silky robes Joy bought us and
the day could have just ended right there and I would have been happy.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">But then, we looked out the window and saw the group of men
approaching. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">All wearing matching charcoal gray suits walking up the
wooden dock to the beach house, sticking out like sore thumbs against the sand
and the shore.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">“<st1:stockticker>OMG</st1:stockticker> there he is!” Joy
said, seeing her soon-to-be-husband for the first time that day. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">And then she
teared up.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">THE MAKEUP ARTISTS SHOULD
HAVE KNOWN NOT TO APPLY THE MASCARA YET. <o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">“Well <i>of course</i>
there he is!” I said, confused. “There they <i>all</i>
are!” </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: medium;">(</span><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">Some of the men included the husband/significant others of bridesmaids.)</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">But the married bridesmaids knew the
importance of this moment. </span><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">The moment you think about when you
agree to say YES to someone.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">And just for a second you forget about the wedding planning you've been stressing about for months and months.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Because all that matters is that there he is.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">And there you are. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">And there we ALL were.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgIwAHmFWBOmaqnSVujRd1gRbTp5t0FHaoPu7Oeq_WNw3vYRtQu8C_ZXhVKxxt9ryqV0MiJFVKetwA4pzZcYZgtMZH08hbiwV81boqaD-ROnUbjuMpPjnb0my2eR3g2be9KLeJWzfDQo8UH/s1600/Joy+P+and+Daniel+F-Portraits-0009.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgIwAHmFWBOmaqnSVujRd1gRbTp5t0FHaoPu7Oeq_WNw3vYRtQu8C_ZXhVKxxt9ryqV0MiJFVKetwA4pzZcYZgtMZH08hbiwV81boqaD-ROnUbjuMpPjnb0my2eR3g2be9KLeJWzfDQo8UH/s400/Joy+P+and+Daniel+F-Portraits-0009.jpg" width="400" /></a></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">(...errr some more <i>orange</i> than others.)</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">From that moment at the beach house, everything that
happened on December 5, 2015 has been etched permanently into my brain. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">The limo bus to the chapel, where I filled everyone glass
with exactly two sips of champagne. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Posing for every possible combination of
photos for the photographer. Waiting in the “bridal suite,” at the chapel, peeking out to see
all the guests arriving. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Even walking down the aisle, which felt like it was twice as
long as it was the night before. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Tearing up as Joy walked down the aisle with our dad.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEifealQkgZ-HU_gEpOiyQJ_LYKGvVX-ls9pzmxqkbPPPg0vIdz1MDCd9eKUfI9RZtVYMfLlk-D_bT8al3IjBB3c_B7qrARP8UQ_3eAAC4Q1pv1LNnfzcKiU4HIq6biRD940PP9Pmoua3Kp9/s1600/Joy+P+and+Daniel+F-Ceremony-0045.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEifealQkgZ-HU_gEpOiyQJ_LYKGvVX-ls9pzmxqkbPPPg0vIdz1MDCd9eKUfI9RZtVYMfLlk-D_bT8al3IjBB3c_B7qrARP8UQ_3eAAC4Q1pv1LNnfzcKiU4HIq6biRD940PP9Pmoua3Kp9/s400/Joy+P+and+Daniel+F-Ceremony-0045.jpg" width="400" /></a></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">...And then holding her
very heavy bouquet and realizing the terrible logistics of having to wipe tears
from your eyes while holding a bouquet of flowers in each hand. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">The entire thing was just perfect.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">And then, if the day couldn’t have gotten any better, I had <i>every single person I know and love</i>, to hang out with for the rest of the
night.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPOji6TMiCIkHg3G7HOEELHe0Etx9E4R7dNkYBVtYrp64OxWB7NA9nw0xfdbGZxdZptl-BIXJk8lCGnCC6bRvKn3pp0UUvrXmZQwzuOw-uiD-RHjnsiOHLJXHVi8KtALn1EbnLKVm8FaA5/s1600/Joy+P+and+Daniel+F-Reception-0037.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPOji6TMiCIkHg3G7HOEELHe0Etx9E4R7dNkYBVtYrp64OxWB7NA9nw0xfdbGZxdZptl-BIXJk8lCGnCC6bRvKn3pp0UUvrXmZQwzuOw-uiD-RHjnsiOHLJXHVi8KtALn1EbnLKVm8FaA5/s400/Joy+P+and+Daniel+F-Reception-0037.jpg" width="266" /></a></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: x-small;">Now, I don’t</span><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"> know if you’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing all
130(ish) people at a party, but it’s amazing. You’re never in a corner, never at a
table alone. No one turns you down for a dance. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Everybody tells you how great
you look (Lol). It was remarkable how many people I was able to catch up with in four very short hours. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">My maid of honor speech went over VERY well (<a href="http://jennysays-hellofools.blogspot.com/2015/12/tears-of-joy.html">thanks for asking</a>) and after an insane amount of BEAMING from everyone on both sides of
the new family, tons and tons of eating and dancing, memories and jokes, photos
and singing, pans and pans of shrimp and grits later, it was time for the
send-off.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">I arranged a boat charter captain to meet at the dock right
outside the venue so Joy and Daniel could leave the wedding on a boat. (Who
needs wheels?)</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">We added battery-operated holiday lights on both sides of the boat, just like
Cinderella’s carriage, only with…uhhh…different kind of horsepower.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhwQGqk4zNsE-GeRdVzTKr1CYXp9tB5nJ_4iKCAqrn4dtN7rPVotLmxIaCbsU0q4FxOg8ozN8iSLDKlTkrhIfOjovQMz52Jf3WTmDEJ4-GPXnhz6mrX0qnxD-1EvC258qrTb9K54bnCKIKv/s1600/Joy+P+and+Daniel+F-Reception-0334.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhwQGqk4zNsE-GeRdVzTKr1CYXp9tB5nJ_4iKCAqrn4dtN7rPVotLmxIaCbsU0q4FxOg8ozN8iSLDKlTkrhIfOjovQMz52Jf3WTmDEJ4-GPXnhz6mrX0qnxD-1EvC258qrTb9K54bnCKIKv/s400/Joy+P+and+Daniel+F-Reception-0334.jpg" width="400" /></a></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj63TIgV8SFQiUKjFIgYx6PThvFQliDper0plMIWP5hpwsfIYqSdLCRcvhyw6XqROMmG_zjXZMMUzdjDnT-Bo0kLGjb07aJy510sRwUu0LzqeavPimLWPOYKaraXcfPwsIocQ7iyMs-W_bk/s1600/Joy+P+and+Daniel+F-Reception-0335.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj63TIgV8SFQiUKjFIgYx6PThvFQliDper0plMIWP5hpwsfIYqSdLCRcvhyw6XqROMmG_zjXZMMUzdjDnT-Bo0kLGjb07aJy510sRwUu0LzqeavPimLWPOYKaraXcfPwsIocQ7iyMs-W_bk/s400/Joy+P+and+Daniel+F-Reception-0335.jpg" width="400" /></span></a><br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">And the saxophone played “When the Saints Go Marching In”
and the boat puttered away into the distance, capping off the best December 5th I’ve ever had in my entire life. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">And then, just like that, everything went back to normal.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Well, except Joy’s new last name.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">(Duh)</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">#hurrayFarrae</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">12.5.15</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">-Jenny</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEguBBCNjkhtFuCN3kN7RjWewbtH28kUg5edgh_tNfMqhgEUtJq8F3X2f3VJ8Kyb4SJfBN0sIYNufSY93lYsRR017cGxrWoBRUzFle7rDvcYOEr9TKEh3rENDnc96hj15G1FFiqe0wKqXb4_/s1600/Joy+P+and+Daniel+F-Reception-0303.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEguBBCNjkhtFuCN3kN7RjWewbtH28kUg5edgh_tNfMqhgEUtJq8F3X2f3VJ8Kyb4SJfBN0sIYNufSY93lYsRR017cGxrWoBRUzFle7rDvcYOEr9TKEh3rENDnc96hj15G1FFiqe0wKqXb4_/s400/Joy+P+and+Daniel+F-Reception-0303.jpg" width="400" /></a></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">(<a href="http://www.charlestonweddingphotographers.net/">Priscilla Thomas photography</a>)</span></div>
JennySayshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05068398508858068543noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8936233860997495278.post-52438682527598952462016-11-29T14:23:00.000-08:002016-11-29T21:25:54.804-08:00TOOLBAG TUESDAY<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">I really don’t know why toolbags just arrive in my midst, in front of my face, sitting next to me. Even internationally!</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">You may remember the pure <a href="http://jennysays-hellofools.blogspot.com/2016/09/toolbag-tuesday_27.html">delight </a>from the Netherlands who BERATED me in a tiny shuttle in Guatemala in front a lot of people about being a “dumb American” and not having international health insurance. (No one was discussing health insurance.)</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">That was toolbag #1.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">There’s a toolbag #2 I encountered. The same day.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">I must have blocked him from my memory because I just remembered him the other night. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">He was an American, a fellow Delta Airlines passenger in the Guatemala City airport. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">I got out of the shuttle and there he was, toolbag #2, waiting at the gate.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">I was reading a book, or looking at my phone, when he sat in the seat next to me and said, “We were on the same flight from Atlanta here last Thursday! I remember your hair.”</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">I was confused by this stranger’s opening line. I rolled my eyes up the ceiling to try and remember what day I had flown in to confirm.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">He was in his 60s and relatively attractive, given the decade in which he was born. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">It was a bit odd/creepy that he remembered my hair after spending an entire week in Guatemala, but I don’t know how other people’s minds work.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">His name was Barry and he was from West Virginia and had a thick accent and was very interested in chatting. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">We talked about what we each did in the past week—many different options because Guatemala is a large, wild, gorgeous place. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Barry said he went to Tikal, one of the largest Mayan ruins, like the Cadillac of Mayan ruins. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">I knew of it, and it was discussed among my friends as a potential destination, but was too far away. Plus I don't care about ruins.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Barry then pulled up his photos of Tikal on his iPhone and handed it to me to scroll through.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">“Did you go with friends?” I asked.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">“No, I met a woman there,” he said.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">“Oh.”</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Barry then unloaded his life on me—how for the past five years, he’s traveled to Central America every month to meet up with Guatemalan, Brazilian or Costa Rican women and pays for them all weekend long. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">He pays for hotels and meals, pays for their company and their attention.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Why he was telling me this was a mystery. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><i>Do I LOOK like someone who’d be interested in this information?!?!?</i></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">“I don’t even have to pay that much because of the dollar rate!!” he said, bragging. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">“I could spend as much on one nice meal in the states as I could for a whole weekend in Tikal!”</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">“Oh.”</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">So, they’re prostitutes?” I asked in a way that sounded less harsh than that.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">“NO! I don’t sleep with all of them,” he said. “They’re just grateful to have a <i>nice guy like me</i> spend time with them, because all the men in Central America beat their women,” he said. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">“Plus they like my blue eyes.”</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">It was the most bizarre conversation I’ve ever had with a stranger.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">I was uncomfortably scrolling through his iPhone photos of Tikal when I saw his “woman companion,” in a photo with him at the Mayan ruins.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">She was 20 years younger than him at least, an awkward photo of the two of them. She wasn’t smiling.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">“Well, she’s… pretty,” I said, coming up with nothing else, handing him back his phone.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">“Yea…she doesn’t have as many <i>curves </i>as I would have liked though,” he said, studying the photo. “You know, to feel something when you hug 'em. I like curves and a big ass.”</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">!!!!!!!!!!!!</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">!!!!!!!!!!!!!</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">(ED NOTE: <i>WHY ME????)</i></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">“I find these women on Facebook,” he told me, unprompted. “I have a friend down there who tells them who I am, and the next thing I know, they message me on Facebook."</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Then…OMG…HE OPENED UP FACEBOOK AND STARTED SHOWING ME PHOTOS AND ACCOUNTS OF THESE ‘ELIGIBLE’ WOMEN. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">All downward facing shots of boobs and asses and pouty lips and dark hair.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">“Look at THOSE curves,” he pointed to one woman. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">OMG.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">WTF </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">“Once, I had two women fighting over me,” he laughed. “I’m telling you I’m the <i>only nice guy</i> they’ll ever meet.”</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Barry was bragging about all this, with an air of authority like he was some sort of king. Picking out women as if they were chairs or a couch—this one is too big, this one just right. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">It was totally gross. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">And, why on Earth did he feel compelled to tell me, a <i>female</i>, about this operation? </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">“Now this one, <i>wow</i>, she was so beautiful, her hair was so black it was almost blue,” he said. </span></div><div><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div><div><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">(Ew another hair reference)</span></div><div><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div><div><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">“But then she showed up at the hotel with her kid. Her kid! What am I supposed to do with that?” </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">I had no answer. I felt like I was being punk’d.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">“And I tell you what, dental work down there is much cheaper too!” he said, ignoring my creeped-out face. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">“Look!” he pointed at his very straight, obnoxiously white teeth. “ALL CAPS. Only $600.”</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Lol</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">(ED NOTE: <i>WHY ME????</i>)</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">“Well, that’s a very…interesting life,” I said. “I’d love to go to Central America once a month…maybe not to meet strangers though. Excuse me, I’m going to go get a bottle of water before the flight.”</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">I never returned and only saw Barry again when I walked through the plane to my seat. He was looking down at his phone again, no doubt trolling/scrolling/creeping.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">In my mind, though, he was frantically researching how to replace his fake teeth after getting punched in the face. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">A gift from the Mayan gods.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">-Jenny </span></div>
JennySayshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05068398508858068543noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8936233860997495278.post-80415011108417143642016-11-22T13:01:00.000-08:002016-11-22T17:26:41.163-08:00TOOLBAG TUESDAY<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">I was reminiscing last night about writing term papers in
college, bragging about how 18 pages was <i>no
big deal</i>, when I remembered public speaking.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Public speaking was a really influential class for me,
because it was the first time, ever, I found <i>talking</i> to be terrifying. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">(And no, I’m not including all the terrifying conversations with
bouncers RE: My fake ID, breakups, talking my way out of trouble, etc. that I experienced
up to that point.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">This was just talking. About a boring, mundane topic. And it
was terrifying.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">I remember one poor girl in the class had a rash develop
during her presentation that crept up her chest onto her face. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">You could see its red, splotchy path moving up her upper body and taking over, like a storm cloud. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">I
remember nothing of what she said. That’s how much the rash took over the
spotlight.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">“Perhaps…you can wear
a </span><i style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">turtleneck</i><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"> for your next
presentation,” the professor concluded.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">I must have completely erased my memory of that semester,
because I can’t for the life of me remember what any of my three presentations
were about.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">All I remember is practicing my speech and being baffled by
the fact that my <i>18 pages</i> only
accounted for SIX speaking minutes and I had another nine minutes to figure
something out. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">…And then when I was actually talking to the class, I spoke WAY slower than practiced,
and 18 pages would have been perfect, but now I had 30 pages and therefore had
too much information.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">THAT SNEAKY BITCH SECOND
HAND.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Anyway.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">In conclusion, (haha get it) it wasn’t a class that needed
any additional stress built in to it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Which is why I remember how <i>mortifying</i> it was for my friend Aubry when she had to give HER
speech to the class, which included the hottest college soccer player…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">…who she had slept with the previous weekend after a few dates.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">…Who had not called her back.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">AWKWARD.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">The assignment was a “persuasive” speech about any topic, and
Aubry had decided to do her persuasive speech about taking the stairs instead
of the elevator.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">She outlined all her points about health, exercise, removing
the possibility of getting stuck in a metal box and how in most cases, taking
the stairs is actually faster.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">And she never got a rash, so I’d say the speech was a
success.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">I remember walking to class, Aubry told me how
embarrassed she was about the hot soccer player and how she had called and left
him a message on his answering machine (haha awww) but he hadn’t called her back. And
it’s been three days.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">“This is the first time I’m going to see him since I left
his apartment,” she said.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Aubry’s speech was the last of the class, and IN CONCLUSION,
she said, there’s no reason NOT to take the stairs if you’re going less than five
floors unless you are handicapped or incapacitated.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">When the class filed out of the room, everyone realized that we
were on the third floor.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">HAHAHAHAHA<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">There was a visible pregnant pause as the class considered
the elevator right in front of the classroom or the stairs down the hall.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">And in a show of solidarity, every person in the 20-person
class moved towards the stairs. Aubry beamed. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Except hot soccer player.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">“OMG,” Aubry nudged me as we made our way down the corridor.
“LOOK.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">I turned around. There he was: the <i>only</i> person from class to take the elevator. Waiting, as he pressed
the button to go down three floors. LOL<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">DICK.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal"><i><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal"><font face="times, times new roman, serif" size="4">It would have been a rude move for anyone in the class who wasn't <i>uhhhh</i> handicapped or incapacitated, but this was especially glaring.</font></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">She dated a guy who took the elevator after her “persuasive”
speech on taking the stairs.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Seriously.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><i>Dick.</i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">LOL<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">“Maybe he’ll get stuck,” I said. "</span><span style="font-family: times, "times new roman", serif; font-size: large;">Maybe he'll develop a claustrophobic rash."</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br></span>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">And have to wear a turtleneck.</span><br>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><i>Terrifying.</i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">-Jenny</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
JennySayshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05068398508858068543noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8936233860997495278.post-87875121628085609002016-11-15T13:29:00.001-08:002016-11-15T16:37:29.284-08:00TOOLBAG TUESDAY<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Of course I’d like to write post after post about how
horrible I find it that Trump won, but I know my place in Web land: I write
about douchebags my friends and I have <i>dated</i>,
not douchebags who were elected.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">But I honestly believe that if you voted for Trump, you need
serious therapy (AND need to travel abroad). <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Because you hate people you’ve never even met.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><i>How is that possible?</i></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Entire <i>groups </i>of people who have done nothing to you and have done nothing wrong.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><i><br></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><i>(Insert peanut gallery:
I DON’T HATE PEOPLE I’VE NEVER MET! I JUST DON'T HAVE A PROBLEM WITH MY WORLD LEADER HAVING THAT MINDSET!!!</i> <i>I’M </i>ACTUALLY A GOOD PERSON!!!<i>) <o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><i>Sure.</i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">You just told the world—and the next generation—that </span><i style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">that</i><span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;"> is OK.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">It’s heartbreaking.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Anyway. I’m exhausted. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Do you know who else is exhausted? People who have
mono.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Remember mono? Is mono is still a thing???<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">All I remember about mono from college is that it was
embarrassing to get because it was the “kissing disease” but also beneficial because
if you got it, you would lose ten pounds. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Because you’re too tired to eat and
your throat is swollen.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">According to WebMD, i.e. the <i>hypochondriac’s bible</i>, mono is mostly
found in teens and young (college age) adults. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Or very old people
who have compromised immune systems. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">But, it surfaced last week in a healthy 36-year-old man!!!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">…From Tinder.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Lol <i>kissing disease</i>.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">It was a very weird encounter between Greg, <i>the guy from Tinder with Mono</i>, and my
friend Melissa. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Greg and Melissa met online and then in real life and had a fantastic (and healthy) night together. And then Greg dropped the news that he actually lives three
hours away and was only in town on business. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">LOL<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">He agreed that they had a great night and a great connection
and that he’d come back to town the following weekend so they can recreate the
magic. Melissa was excited.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">But after texting for two days about how he was going to
book a room at a posh new boutique hotel downtown, Melissa called Greg on
Wednesday to talk about the weekend details and he told her some bad news.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">“I can’t make it,” he said. “I think I have mono.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">(<i>Uhhh</i> random
self-diagnosis.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">“Oh no!” Melissa said, wondering if now SHE had mono. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Then she added, playfully, “Who have <i>you</i> been kissing?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">That’s when Greg went off.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">“<i>NOBODY</i>! I HAVEN’T
BEEN KISSING <i>ANYBODY</i>, UNLESS YOU
COUNT MY <i>DOG</i>!” he said. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">“Or…except for <i>me</i>,”
Melissa said.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Greg didn’t respond.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">“Hey, woah, I was just joking…” Melissa said. “Because it’s called
the ‘kissing disease…’”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">(UHHH, also he’s on Tinder; let’s not pretend he’s not kissing
people, possibly college girls.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">“Well I don’t think it’s very funny!” Greg said. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Then...OMG...Melissa said he started YELLING. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">“I DON'T APPRECIATE YOU NOT BELIEVING ME!" he said. "So
I’m NOT going to come in town this weekend. I’m CANCELLING THE HOTEL ROOM!”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">LOLOLOLOL<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><i>"I don't appreciate you not believing me."</i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Umm. Believing what? That he got mono from his dog or that he wasn't kissing other people?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Now Melissa felt sick.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><i>Who was this angry person who went off on a joke???</i> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Was this how he acted
when he was sick? <o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><i><br></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Wait...<i>was there even a hotel
room booked?</i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Melissa froze. “Ok, well, feel better…” she said, truly disappointed. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">She
texted him a few times over the weekend with the soup emoji and everything but
got no response. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Now, a <i>month </i>later, she hasn’t heard from Greg since.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">LOL<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Now, I know what you’re thinking: Maybe he died from mono-related
spleen-bursting complications!!! (thanks WebMD)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">No. Of course, his Tinder profile has been active since then. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Melissa’s feelings were pretty hurt when she noticed. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">WTF
did she <i>do??</i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><i>Why couldn’t he have been honest??</i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Why couldn’t Greg have said, “Look, I’m basically a sleaze, I have no idea what I'm talking about, I yell at people for doing nothing wrong and make them feel really bad about
themselves.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I don’t know, in today’s world, that type of honesty would
get him elected.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">-Jenny</span><o:p></o:p></div>
JennySayshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05068398508858068543noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8936233860997495278.post-62511491922454014042016-11-08T11:47:00.000-08:002016-11-08T12:08:19.931-08:00TOOLBAG TUESDAY<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">I normally hate making blanket statements, but do you know what
30-something females <i>DON’T</i> miss??<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">The Michael Jackson crotch grab.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">You know, the one where a guy puts his hand over his pants
crotch, cupping what is most likely a micro-penis??<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">…It’s not a good look.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">I’m sorry that I’m making you remember MJ’s douche dance
move, but that’s what a 50-something year-old guy did to me last week, when I
was hosting bar trivia.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">And there was no music playing.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Paul, a complete stranger, had been bothering me while I
hosted <a href="http://jennysays-hellofools.blogspot.com/2010/08/bar-trivia.html">bar trivia</a> for about a month. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">He was always at the bar by himself—a creepy sign—and he
kept trying to start conversation with me <i>while
I was speaking into a microphone</i> or trying to sort through and log teams’
answers on my laptop.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Week after week, he thought it was OK to come up to me and
personally tell me the answers to the questions I asked, engaging me in
conversation.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">And week after week, I threw a pad of paper and pencil at
him and said, “If you want to play, you’re going to have to write down your
answer on a piece of paper. You can’t just tell me what you think the answer
is.” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">It took him a few weeks to finally tell me that he “liked
me” excusing the fact that he was 20 years older than I was, at least, and excusing
the fact that I told him I have a boyfriend, </span><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">ThankYouVeryMuch.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">But Paul continued to bother me and run up to my table every
time I asked a question to whisper the answer in my ear.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">But last week, he graduated to Michael Jackson CREEP.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">The question I asked was, “what body part do you examine if
you use an 'otoscope?'”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Answer: The ear.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Paul, who was outside on the patio at the time, came running
back into the bar, a man on a mission.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">“I know I know!!!!” he said to me, as usual. Then he suddenly
grabbed his crotch, four feet from where I was sitting.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">“YOU EXAMINE <i>THIS</i>!”
he said, laughing.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">I believe my face contorted into the look of someone who was
hungover and about to puke, and who had just smelled rotten eggs. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">I <i>hated</i> that he
made me look at his crotch. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">What kind of man are you to have to <i>trick</i> a woman into paying attention to
that part of your body????<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Oh and <i>P.S. I could
have had him arrested, I'm sure.</i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">I stopped speaking to him instead, complete cold shoulder
that I learned from a police officer in fifth grade as a tactic to ignore
someone who would offer you drugs, as he stood there next to my table and
chair. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">“The correct answer is…<i>EAR</i>,”
I said slowly and loudly on the microphone to the 50 or so people playing bar
trivia. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Then, I added, “NOT YOUR <i>DICK</i>,
PAUL.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">And then I stared at him with my rotten egg smell face as the room got silent and he
turned red and got embarrassed.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">…And that’s how I got rid of Paul.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">(Drops mic.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">-Jenny</span></div>
JennySayshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05068398508858068543noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8936233860997495278.post-15428384114503211482016-10-25T14:30:00.000-07:002016-10-25T14:30:56.183-07:00TOOLBAG TUESDAY<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">There are a few <i>teeny
tiny </i>things wrong with taking up 90 percent of your first online date with
someone talking about your “bitch ex-wife.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">The obvious being, you’re not over it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">The second being, you clearly aren’t a very good judge of
character.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">The third being, it makes you look bad that your wife had to
go out and cheat with lots of people because she wasn’t getting what she needed
from you.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><i>(Hey-ooo)</i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">The fourth being, I DON’T CARE.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Now that I think about it, there really is nothing I care
about <i>LESS</i> than hearing about the
bitch ex-wife of a total stranger I met online. On a first date.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">But somehow, there I was, in early 2015, eating at an
Italian restaurant with Henry, who spent 40 minutes explaining to me in great
detail about the time he found out that his “bitch ex wife” sold her wedding
dress and engagement ring on eBay.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><i><br /></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><i>Who uses eBay anymore?</i>
I wondered to myself. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Henry added that “bitch” was “crazy” (aren’t ex-wives always
crazy??) and even though SHE cheated on HIM, which he knew for a fact because
he had her phone traced (ohhh…<i>boyfriend
material!!!</i> JK, LOL), she's been making his life a legal hell and he needs all kinds of lawyers.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Plus she shattered his car window with a beer bottle.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I don’t really know what Henry was expecting from divulging
all this information, or if he knew that I was uncomfortably darting my eyes to
the door to see if there was a similarly short, blonde female pointing a gun at
us.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">(You know, between checking her eBay bids.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Ha<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I suppose he thought that I’d feel bad for him or something.
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I hate to say it, but it wasn’t the first time a guy had
unloaded to me about a messy, baggage, unattractive EX on a first date. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">At least this time the ex wasn’t a legit crack whore.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">(I wish I was kidding.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">But no. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">At least with Henry, I didn’t need to confirm that
his ex who he had been reminiscing about for the past 20 minutes, who he had <i>lived with and SLEPT with,</i> was actually a
crack addict, and also a prostitute. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">“Only a prostitute to pay for more crack!!”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Oh, well, that’s <i>way</i>
better.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">WHY LEAD OFF WITH THIS
INFORMATION???!?!? <o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><i>HOW IS THIS A GOOD
IDEA?<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">WHO'S GOING TO GET EXCITED ABOUT EITHER ONE OF THESE GUYS???</span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Ugh.</span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">No bidding.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: large;">-Jenny</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
JennySayshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05068398508858068543noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8936233860997495278.post-46575991900636594972016-10-18T14:00:00.000-07:002016-10-18T14:00:54.065-07:00TOOLBAG TUESDAY<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">It started off as a typical conversation you’d overhear on any honeymoon.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">“Babe, you need to delete photos off your phone so we can
take pictures of Hawaii!”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Peter was driving at the time, in their rented car, <i>in Hawaii</i>, so he asked his wife of two
days, Greta, to delete his phone pictures.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">After a minute of looking through his camera roll in silence,
Greta spoke.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">“Do you want to keep pictures you have of text message
screenshots?” Greta asked.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">“No,” Peter said. “Those are probably from work, when I had
to reference an order number.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Greta paused.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">“Ok, well what about the screen shot of texts between you
and someone named ‘Jessica’ about wanting to know what color panties she’s
wearing?” Greta asked.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><i><br /></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><i>!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!</i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><i><br /></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">“DO YOU WANT TO KEEP THAT ONE??” she
asked.<i><o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">OMG. <i>Nightmare.</i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">It was amazing that Peter didn’t crash the car into a
volcano after that.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><i><br /></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><i>“What?”</i> he played
dumb. “Who?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">And then all he could manage was, “What, you
don’t trust me?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Um.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">No.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Then, “You really don’t trust me? I’m your <i>HUSBAND</i>.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">LOL<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">LOL<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">(Like he takes that role seriously.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Greta then looked in <i>horror</i>
as she pulled up “Jessica” in his phone and saw MANY, MANY texts to her, the
most recent one about her panties that was sent <i>TWO DAYS BEFORE THEIR WEDDING.</i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">OMG. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Nightmare.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">“Pull the car over!” Greta shouted. “PULL THE CAR OVER NOW!”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">He did, at the closest restaurant, repeating himself, while
she jumped out and instructed him to leave. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">“You don’t understand, it was nothing…” he said.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">LOL<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">But Greta had seen the rest of the texts and they weren’t as
<i>PG</i> as asking about her panties. (If
you don’t think asking someone about her panties is "PG," then you definitely don’t want to see the rest of
this douche movie.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">It was a complete shock. They had dated for EIGHT years and Peter
had given no indication that he was a cheater, or dumb.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><i><br /></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><i>DUMB</i> in that he
couldn’t even cover his tracks correctly…who saves a <i>screen shot</i> of their
affair?!?!?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Greta would <i>never</i>
have married someone that unintelligent, had she known.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">VOMIT.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: large;">VOMIT ALL OVER EVERYTHING!!!!</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: large;">PINEAPPLE HULA VOMIT!!!</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Peter eventually admitted that “Jessica” was a co-worker, but
insisted that it was “nothing,” despite what MONTHS of sexting revealed. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">And then
Peter decided to go ahead and remind her <i>again</i>
that he was her husband, as if that wasn’t adding insult to injury.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">"I know I'm an asshole cheater and liar, but I'm your <i>HUSBAND</i>!"</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">LOL<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I hope her divorce lawyer works the line, “take a picture,
it’ll last longer...than your marriage,” into the proceedings.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">-Jenny</span></div>
JennySayshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05068398508858068543noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8936233860997495278.post-57461833765415178302016-10-11T12:25:00.000-07:002016-10-11T12:25:01.581-07:00TOOLBAG TUESDAY<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">There’s a time and a place to ask a new girl for her number.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">…And that time and place is <i>not </i>after your EX-girlfriend confronts
you at a bar in front of everyone about the dog you share custody of.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">(That doesn’t really make you a good candidate for a new relationship,
Mr. Baggage.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">But that’s exactly what happened to my friend Rachel last
week, who had been talking to a nice, cute guy all afternoon. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Rachel met three guys at a neighborhood restaurant where
they have long community tables and they bonded over burgers and all decided to
move to a new brewery down the street. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">At the brewery, one guy named Robert zoned in on Rachel, sitting
by her, asking her a lot of questions, buying her a beer.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">After about an hour exchanging life stories, a blonde girl
came into the brewery and tapped Robert on the shoulder. All of the guys looked
at her, stunned.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">“WE NEED TO TALK <i>NOW</i>,”
she said. Robert tried to casually play it off, smiling at Rachel like there
wasn’t a demanding blonde girl next to him.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">His friends tried their best to look away.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><i><br /></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><i>“NOW!”</i> she yelled
and yanked him outside where they were clearly having an argument using their
hands. After five minutes, Robert walked back in and told the bartender to
close him out.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">“Sorry, that was my ex-girlfriend,” Robert said to Rachel. “We
share a dog and if I don’t leave right now, she’s going to take him away from
me forever,” he said.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">???????</span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: large;">(<i>Ed note:</i> That dog
isn’t the only thing that got its balls removed LOL)</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">“What?”</span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: large;">“It’s a long story,” Robert
said.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">“Wait…how did she even know you were here?” Rachel asked. They
had all spontaneously decided to go to the brewery.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">“I don’t know,” he said and he signed his credit card receipt
in a hurry.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Then he looked over at her.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">“Hey, do you think I could get your number?” Robert asked.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Hahahahahahahahaha<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">(Hmmm…I guess he does have balls.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Haha<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Who asks a girl for
her number while being dragged out of a bar by their ex?<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">That’s not a good
look.<i><o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">“No I don’t think so…it looks like you’ve got a lot going on
already,” Rachel said. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Ha<i><o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Then she watched Robert hang his head and walk out of the bar, presumably, on his way to
the dog house.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">-Jenny</span><o:p></o:p></div>
JennySayshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05068398508858068543noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8936233860997495278.post-82252527542634362162016-10-04T13:04:00.000-07:002016-10-04T13:04:36.412-07:00TOOLBAG TUESDAY<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">We’ve long been in an era where guys expect to sleep with someone
after a first date. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">…EVEN AFTER THEY ASK
THE SERVER TO <a href="http://jennysays-hellofools.blogspot.com/2015/11/toolbag-tuesday_18.html">SPLIT THE CHECK.</a><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">You can’t blame a guy for <i>trying</i> I guess, since first date sleepovers happen all the time. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">But it’s what happens after they get <i>rejected</i> for a sleepover that is a true test of their character. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">LOL<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">(Yes, this is how low the bar is set.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">(Also….<i>PAY FOR THE
ENTIRE DINNER BILL.)</i> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I can pretty much guarantee that how a guy handles a sleepover
rejection is how he’ll handle any other obstacle in his life, so this really is
a good test. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Did he get pouty? Persuasive? <i>Weepy?</i> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Jerry, on the other hand, got mean and rude. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Not a good look,
Jerry.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Jerry and my friend Kylie went out on exactly one date,
after meeting through co-workers at a restaurant where she worked.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Jerry was cute, from ENGLAND with the accompanying accent,
and had a non-restaurant job. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">He lived in a nice neighborhood in a cool part of downtown
and they made plans for Kylie to park near his house and they would walk to a café
nearby for dinner.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">She rang the doorbell (how <i>chivalrous</i>!) when she got there and Jerry’s roommate answered. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">He was also cute, although not from England. Ha. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">They made
small talk about the restaurant where she worked and mutual friends who worked
there, when Jerry came to the door and they left for the restaurant.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Kylie said it was a perfectly fine dinner date—and he paid!! Bonus!! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">She said they didn’t have a whole lot of things in common
but she would definitely have agreed to go out again. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">...Until they got back to
his apartment and it was clear that he wanted her to sleep over. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">There are a million, ok, fine, <i>20
</i>reasons why she didn’t want to spend the night with Jerry, none of which were any
of his business. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">But they did make out a little and then Kylie politely said that she was just going to go home
for the night. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">And that’s when Jerry got rude.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">“Oh, OK, so it’s going to be like <i>THAT</i>?” he asked, as if there was a THIS that they agreed on, and she
was backing out of it. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Kylie suddenly found his accent less cute.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">“Ummm if by ‘<i>that’</i>
you mean going home then yes,” she said, still trying to be casual.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Jerry pulled away from her, angry.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">And then he took it really personally.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">“Well, my flatmate upstairs thinks you’re pretty,” he said. “You
can go upstairs and F*CK <i>HIM</i> if you
want.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">!!!!!!!!!!!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">???????<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">WHAT?!?!?<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">She didn’t want to F*ck <i>anybody!</i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"> “What?” she asked.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Was this some sort of bizarre
back handed compliment?<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">“Well, you know, if <i>I </i>don’t
do it for you, then you can always go upstairs.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">WHAT?!?!?</span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Well, if he <i>was</i>
doing it for her, he certainly isn’t NOW.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">How insulting.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Kylie said she was waiting for Jerry to laugh, or say it was
a joke, but that didn’t happen. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">He immediately walked into the other room,
leaving her alone in the living room.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Feeling horribly cheap, Kylie immediately left the apartment
without saying goodbye.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">...And thought seriously about giving him four flat tires.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">-Jenny</span></div>
JennySayshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05068398508858068543noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8936233860997495278.post-84758681536440540762016-09-27T13:06:00.000-07:002016-09-27T13:52:01.793-07:00TOOLBAG TUESDAY<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">I imagine people in long-term relationships find themselves from time to time <i>mortified </i>by their significant others. </span><br />
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Like…YOU’RE…REALLY WEARING PENNY LOAFERS TO DINNER!?!?!?</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">LOL</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">…Or maybe it’s mortifying when your significant other is too
arrogant, too flirty with the server, too drunk, too crass.</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">It’s even worse when it’s clear that their behavior bothers their significant other, but they don’t seem to care.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">I remember when I was <a href="http://jennysays-hellofools.blogspot.com/2010/01/tales-from-kitchen.html">a server in college</a>, and this guy customer wouldn’t let me open a bottle
of wine table side.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">“LET…<i>ME</i>,” he said angrily,
as I came up to the table with the bottle he ordered.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">“<i>Ummm</i>…” I handed
him the bottle, confused. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">“Sorry…” his female date said, on his behalf. “He’s a <i>wine rep</i>….and he’s really anal
about opening bottles. It happens every time…”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Then she gave me this pathetic apologetic look, and I wanted
to punch him with the wine key.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">But that pales in comparison to this guy I met last week WHEN I WAS IN GUATEMALA. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">YES!!!! WELCOME back to the United States, <i>ME</i>!!! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><i>ED NOTE:</i> At this time last week, I was swimming in a river in
GUATEMALA, an absolutely gorgeous and completely underrated country.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Hands down, Guatemala was THE most beautiful country I’ve
ever seen. It was so beautiful I can’t believe my eyes have seen what they’ve seen.
I’ve never seen anything so pure and so green and so undeveloped.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjoa_GJj0pzyCBY2-VeCqHVqXjAD-zGaJQiWiQniRQmDjVOI-0J_UZtlFKd5mS0B81GpUKWJivFonnn-Elo91ZvVfHkxrj5ztw-MacAWsFpOVCwKVV0ClQOexKfcM74bAmEAxWNjFtChoZw/s1600/guat.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: medium; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjoa_GJj0pzyCBY2-VeCqHVqXjAD-zGaJQiWiQniRQmDjVOI-0J_UZtlFKd5mS0B81GpUKWJivFonnn-Elo91ZvVfHkxrj5ztw-MacAWsFpOVCwKVV0ClQOexKfcM74bAmEAxWNjFtChoZw/s400/guat.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Guats up??!?!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">…But I’ll write more about Guatemala’s gorgeousness later. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Today is <i>Tuesday</i>.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">I met a lot of people in Guatemala at various hostels and collected some new Toolbag Tuesday stories from ladies
from several countries. (“Toolbags without borders”) <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">But the <i>toolbag</i> I actually
came face-to-face with in Guatemala was a man from the Netherlands. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">This 62-year-old man (he told me his age) had a particular disgust for America,
and Americans in general, which doesn’t necessarily make him a toolbag, but his tirade about us “dummies”
was so over-the-top that his wife was mortified.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">It was clear that this wasn’t the first time he’s gone off
about Americans <i>to </i>an American, and it was not the first time that she
was mortified by her husband.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Exhibit A: His temper escalated to the point that she physically <i>kicked him</i> and cursed at him in their
native Dutch tongue to shut the F up.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">HAHAHAHA<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">It was mortifying.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">There were seven of us strangers piled into a shuttle from
Antigua to Guatemala City at <i>9 a.m</i>.,
where I was headed to the airport to fly home.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">I struck up a conversation
with a nice blonde girl from the Netherlands about something, or nothing, I can’t
remember.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">The girl and this couple then began speaking to each other
in Dutch from across the aisle about where they were from, and what appeared to be casual pleasantries,
when the man looked at me. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">“American?” he asked. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">“Yes,” I said.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">“And I bet you can’t speak <i>any</i> other language besides English can </span><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">you?”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">“Hablo un poco Espanol,” I said perfectly.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">That’s when he lost
it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">“You Americans are so dumb and lazy,” he started. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">His wife immediately looked up from her book and laughed uncomfortably, apologizing
for him, shushing him. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">“No, this is important!” he said, dismissing her. “I can’t believe it’s
<i>NOT REQUIRED</i> for people <i>in your country</i>
to learn Spanish!”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: x-large;"><br /></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">“I studied Spanish in college,”</span><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"> I said.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">“Well, my wife and I know Dutch, German, French, English
AND we took Spanish classes when we were here in Antigua,” the man said. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Then he looked at his book, disgusted. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">“I would PREFER to read
a book in another language, but there are only ENGLISH books in these little libraries.”
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">(Yes, he was complaining about the free book he swiped from
a free library.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">His wife told him something in Dutch, then nervously laughed
in my direction.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">“I told him to go back to reading his book and be quiet,”
she told me.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">“...AND <i>ANOTHER</i>
THING!” He said loudly, ignoring her, so that everyone in the shuttle heard him loudly ignore her. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">“You and your <i>guns</i>!
I met an American at a bar and he said it wasn’t fair that cops
have guns in Guatemala but citizens don’t!!! How stupid are you Americans, just
<i>waving </i>your guns around like PENS.” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Or did he say <i>penises?</i>
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">(It was hard to tell with that accent.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">“<i>AMERICA!</i> HAHA! ‘BETTER THAN EVERYONE,’
BUT BEST AT NOTHING!” he concluded.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">His wife then <i>KICKED
HIM </i>hard from across the aisle and told him, again, to shut up. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Then she reminded him about the "very nice people from
New York" who had offered their Netherlands sailor friends a place to stay when Hurricane Sandy hit.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">“No one back home would just offer strangers the keys to their vacation home,” she pointed out.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">It was a nice story, but nothing<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">—</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">not her </span>being mortified or <i>kicking her
husband</i><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">—would </span>deter him from ripping me a new one.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"> “…AND I BET YOU DON’T
EVEN HAVE INTERNATIONAL HEALTH INSURANCE!” he yelled. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">More Dutch pleading by his wife to stop. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><i><br /></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><i>“NO, NO,” </i>he
shushed his wife again, looking at me<i>. “WHAT
IF YOU HAD A HEART ATTACK HERE?”<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">“Well…I’m 33 years old…” I said. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">“IT DOESN’T MATTER! YOU DON’T THINK YOU COULD GET SERIOUSLY
INJURED?” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">I then thought about how rickety the shuttle was, how easy
it would be to tip over. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><i>“IF YOU GET HURT, WHO’S GOING TO PAY FOR IT?” <o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">I wondered why on Earth he was so upset; <i>he</i> certainly wasn’t going to pay if I broke my leg.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">The whole shuttle was silent. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">I wanted to die.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">“I’m sorry, he gets very angry, please don’t be
upset,” his wife APOLOGIZED to me as the shuttle mercifully pulled into the airport
entrance. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Ugh. </span><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">This is her life.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">“And <i>ANOTHER</i> thing…your
country wouldn’t let me get off my sailboat when I came to the Florida Keys
from Cuba!” he screamed. “I AM A <i>GUEST</i>
IN YOUR COUNTRY!"</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">I mumbled a “good luck” to his wife
as I got out of the shuttle and walked into the airport, watching her yell at him some more, wishing that the only <i>mortifying
</i>thing I would have witnessed that day were penny loafers.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">And then I bought myself a Coca-Cola.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">-Jenny</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
</div>
JennySayshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05068398508858068543noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8936233860997495278.post-56307320134270831392016-09-13T14:12:00.000-07:002016-09-13T23:24:47.798-07:00TOOLBAG TUESDAY<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">There are a <i>ton</i> of
annoying ass people your ex can start dating after you two break up: <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">-Their co-worker, who you used to go on double dates with.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">-Their “platonic” female friend, who you always were
suspicious of, but he made you feel paranoid about it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">-Their ex, who he <i>insisted</i>
he never saw anymore.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">-Their best friend’s YOUNGER sister, who is in her 20s, and
who metabolism hasn’t hit yet. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><i><br></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><i>Ummm</i>.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Anyway.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Really though, anyone you <i>EVER knew when you two were dating</i> is an annoying person to see
your ex dating once you two break up.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">But there’s annoying,
and there’s just plain INNAPPROPRIATE.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">I remember fondly a bizarre Toolbag Tuesday of old:</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">(Link---->> </span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">http://jennysays-hellofools.blogspot.com/2013/12/toolbag-tuesday_24.html?m=1</span><span style="font-family: times, 'times new roman', serif; font-size: large;"> ) </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: times, 'times new roman', serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: times, 'times new roman', serif; font-size: large;">...where my friend’s ex-boyfriend began </span><i style="font-family: times, 'times new roman', serif;">DATING HER STEPMOM</i><span style="font-family: times, 'times new roman', serif; font-size: large;"> when they broke up.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">OMG.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">“Inappropriate.”</span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">But I found a new one!! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">A new inappropriate person for your ex to date that is equally
as <i>EFFED</i> up as dating your stepmom.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Wait…no, not quite. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">But a close second.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">YOUR MARRIAGE
COUNSELOR.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Yes, that is absolutely a breach of professional ethics.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">And yes, this actually happened.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">It was no secret that my friend Rebecca and her husband
Charles didn’t have the best marriage. It was “open” at best. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">They decided as a
last ditch effort to go see a professional and work out their issues. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Rebecca said the counselor was in her health insurance
network and she was young and pretty and they went to four sessions. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Rebecca remembers
that this woman got Charles to really “open up” and “be vulnerable” with his feelings.
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">VOMIT.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">But after four hours in the tiny office, AT THE THERAPISTS’ CONVINCING,
they realized they just didn’t like each other.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">It was sort of a breakthrough. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">They really <i>didn’t</i>
like each other. So they broke up.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">It was sad and embarassing. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Made <i>much</i> worse by
the fact that FOUR MONTHS LATER, Rebecca saw on FACEBOOK that Charles was now <i>going out with their therapist</i>. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">He and the “professional” were tagged out on the town. At a
nice dinner, on a romantic stroll uptown.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><i><br></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><i>LIKING</i> EACH OTHER'S PHOTO.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">WTF!??!??!?!<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">WHAT IS THE THERAPIST
VERSION OF </span></i><i><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">MALPRACTICE?!??!?!?!</span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">CAN YOU SOMEHOW SUE
BLUE CROSS FOR THIS????<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">There is absolutely no way to make someone feel better in this
situation, no amount of therapist jokes (BOTH OF THEM ARE <i>CRAZY</i>!!!) that can possibly help.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Except one.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">At least it’s not your stepmom.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">-Jenny</span><o:p></o:p></div>
JennySayshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05068398508858068543noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8936233860997495278.post-89429494445169474702016-09-06T12:13:00.000-07:002016-09-06T12:13:19.110-07:00TOOLBAG TUESDAY<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">I was reading a magazine at the pedicure palace last month and it reviewed a whole bunch of self-help “breakup” books.<br /><br />Some of the books were supposed to “heal your broken heart in 30 days”(money back guaranteed!!!) while others sternly broke the news that,“It’s not him, it’s YOU.” <br /><br />(FML.)<br /><br />The magazine critiqued each book on its premise and merits and then pulled a few enlightening sentences from each one: <i>“Let go of your past. Live in the moment!”</i> Or a more poignant, <i>“Flush your ex down the toilet and move on.”</i><br /><br />One sentence in particular stood out to me: “Whatever happens, remain calm. Reaction with retaliation shows an out-of-control person.”<br /><br />I read that sentence five times.<br /><br />While true, it’s probably the hardest piece of advice to follow, since most people ABSOLUTELY react with retaliation when they go through a breakup.<br /><br />Retaliation feels really good when you feel wronged.</span><br />
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">“Reaction with retaliation” could be classified as talking MAD SHIT about your ex to their BEST FRIENDS (or, <i>uh</i>, family members), bringing someone new to your ex’s known hangout spot or throwing all their things they left at your apartment into the garbage (after lighting them on fire.)<br /><br />Some people might even write/submit a Toolbag Tuesday blog post as retaliation.<br />Ha.<br />Um, moving on.<br /><br />“Reaction with retaliation” can be a small gesture, like the guy who <i>mailed me back</i> my college graduation invitation with the return address as: “that guy.”<br /><br />Others cause property damage by slashing tires. Or <a href="http://jennysays-hellofools.blogspot.com/2010/07/toolbag-tuesday.html">putting a dead baby shark under a house.</a> (Clearly an out-of-control person.)<br /><br />But, the story I heard yesterday wins as the most ridiculous “reaction with retaliation” story ever.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">And all the crazy was broadcast on Facebook.<br /><br />Paul and Jaime were married and seemingly happy. So happy, in fact, that they went on a vacation to Greece together. That kind of time and money for a vacation is a <i>commitment!!</i></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">18 hours on a plane together!!?? (I hope they brought headphones. And snacks.)<br /><br />They arrived in Greece and they updated their Facebook pages so all their office cube friends could be jealous of them playing on stone streets, touring crumbling castles, eating fried cheese and drinking ouzo.<br /><br />But apparently vacation wasn’t so fun for Paul and Jaime, although it did provide entertainment to all their Facebook friends. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">For everyone who logged on the next day saw a “mobile upload” picture of Paul, without a shirt on, showing off a bloody tattoo he had just gotten on his chest.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">In Greek letters.<br /><br />Paul didn’t look happy in the photo. He looked mad. And the blood and scabs from the new ink was gross. <br /><br />The tattoo covered his entire chest, from pectoral to pectoral, and the lettering and his facial expression resembled that of a gang member.<br /><br />Facebook friends were confused. What’s with the tattoo and what does it say? It was too long to be fraternity letters.<br /><br />And where was Jaime? A quick look on Jaime’s page….<br /><br />“Jaime is no longer listed as being in a relationship with Paul.”<br /><br /><i>WHAAAAA!!! </i></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><i><br /></i></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><i>!!!!????!!</i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><i><br /></i>They broke up in Greece?? While on vacation??? <br /><br />I figured something terrible must have happened, because people are usually on their best behavior on vacation. I can’t imagine the breakup was premeditated. <br /><br />(No one plans to dump someone at Disney World, for example.)<br /><br />But, I get it, people break up all the time, no matter what hemisphere they’re in.<br /><br />The trick, no matter what happens, is to <i>remain calm. A reaction with retaliation shows an out-of-control person.</i><br /><br />Right Paul?<br /><br />Wrong.<br /><br />It didn’t take long for someone more worldly than me to decipher his chest tattoo. It was one sentence: <br /><br />“Nothing lasts forever.”<br /><br />...in Greek letters. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">WOW<br /><br />You know what DOES last forever? Tattoos. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">And people remembering you as a bloody out-of-control person.<br /><br />No more ouzo for him.<br /><br />-Jenny</span></div>
JennySayshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05068398508858068543noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8936233860997495278.post-2048862955104933422016-08-30T14:29:00.000-07:002016-08-30T14:36:01.243-07:00TOOLBAG TUESDAY<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">I guess one of the good things about dating a 24-year-old as a 30-something female is that you know when they’re cheating because of social media.<br /><br /><i>It’s like a built-in nanny cam!</i></span><br />
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Which is fitting because these BABIES were born in the 1990s. <br /><br />!!!!!!!!!!!<br /><br />You’d think your average 20-something would be more careful when lying to a girl he’s sleeping with about being out of town for a weekend.<br /><br />You’d think he’d want to keep a low profile, <i>while actually IN TOWN, while out with another girl.</i></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">But being publicly tagged on social media is more important than the girl you're seeing's feelings.<br /><br />AmIRight, JASON?<br /><br />(….but how many <i>likes</i> did you get??!?!)<br /><br />Jason, this complete DIPSHIT my friend Tara dated off and on for <i>years</i>, was always leading her on. <br /><br />He’d travel around the country taking pictures and then come back to her bed, tell her he loved her and say all the things that kept her wanting more. He talked about moving in with her. <br /><br />But then his social media pages started telling another story.<br /><br />First, he didn’t mention Tara at all, <i>anywhere</i>, even if he posted a picture of their eggs at brunch.<br /><br />Second, he didn’t FACEBOOK INVITE HER TO HIS PHOTOGRAPHY SHOW.<br /><br />Tara said she only knew because she saw that his MOTHER was attending.<br /><br />OMG<br /><br />“Oh…yea, I don’t know how to invite people to things on Facebook…” he stammered when confronted.<br /><br />LOL<br /><br />OK<br /><br />Then, their travel plans collided when he said that he was going to New York for the weekend, for some “job” when Tara said she, too, was going to New York to visit her friend that weekend. </span><br />
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">And how fun and romantic would it be to meet up in a cool city that she had never been to? <br /><br />Sex <i>IN</i> the city!!<br /><br />Jason was quick to say that no, there would be NO sex in the city and that his “job” was in the suburbs, like “practically New Jersey” and that he wouldn't be anywhere near where she was. </span><br />
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br />It was surprising, since Jason was Mr. Metropolis and would explore any big city he could. But he said he was only going to be there "Friday night through Sunday,” and that he didn’t have time to do ANYTHING.<br /><br />LOL<br /><br />Tara gave him the benefit of the doubt. They made plans to see each other in two weeks. <br /><br />Tara then describes how Jason became mysteriously MIA all weekend and didn’t initiate any type of communication. <br /><br />“On Saturday night, I asked him how his trip was going and he responds with ‘pretty great so far’ then is silent,” she describes.<br /><br />(Silence, which, for the record, is INFURIATING to someone you are sleeping with.)<br /><br />Tara made the most of her trip anyway and had a great time with her friend until Monday at breakfast, she saw on Instagram a picture of Jason TAGGED at a concert from the night before…in the middle of New York City…with a pretty blonde girl…with a heart comment.<br /><br /><i>!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!</i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><i><br /></i></span>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">So apparently he was staying in New York beyond SunDAY.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><i><br /></i>The icing on the cake: “The concert was five minutes from where I was staying," Tara points out.<br /><br />UGH</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br />If that’s not an “F-U” then I don’t know what is.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br />“So I text him and call him (which he ignores) asking why he couldn't just tell me the truth. I also asked how long it's been going on (since he was JUST staying at my house and we had a really great time and he told me he loved me and blah blah blah).”</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br />Jason didn’t address any of these questions and only responded with, "Stop bugging me I'm really busy working."<br /><br /><i>!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!</i></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><i><br /></i></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><i>OH HELL NO</i></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><i><br /></i></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">BUGGING HIM?!!?!?</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">HAHAHAHAHAHA<br /><br />"REALLY BUSY WORKING"??!?!<br /><br />Sorry, Jason, the only thing <i>REALLY BUSY WORKING</i> is the social media nanny cam.<br /><br />And she’s tired of your bullshit too.<br /><br />-Jenny</span></div>
</div>
</div>
JennySayshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05068398508858068543noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8936233860997495278.post-18433546345638215482016-08-23T12:26:00.000-07:002016-08-24T11:39:02.322-07:00TOOLBAG TUESDAY<div style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="color: #1d2129;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">It’s
never fun to be rejected by a love interest after a few dates (uhhhh I know
from personal experience), but some people handle it more gracefully than
others. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="color: #1d2129;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">At
least <i>I</i> never threw a temper tantrum.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="color: #1d2129;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">No,
instead I deleted every text message we ever exchanged and then deleted his
phone number completely so that if aliens came to Earth and found my phone,
there would be no evidence of a rejection, or even a date, or the name Will.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="color: #1d2129;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Saving
face in front of fictitious aliens—<i>that’s
adulting!</i><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="color: #1d2129;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">There
are other people, however, who decide NOT to take this “see no rejection”
approach and decide to be a complete asshole about it. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="color: #1d2129;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">At
least my friend Kerri has a cute story for how she and Dave met. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="color: #1d2129;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Kerri
was dining alone at a restaurant for lunch and noticed the cute guy at the end
of the bar who was also alone, paying his bill. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="color: #1d2129;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">They
exchanged awkward smiles and Kerri noticed that he wasn't wearing a wedding ring (Score!)<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="color: #1d2129;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">As he
passed by Kerri’s seat, he handed her the newspaper he had been reading <i>(Ed note: </i>SWOON<i>)</i><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="color: #1d2129;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">“I thought
since you were also alone, you might like some reading material,” he said.
Kerri looked at the paper. He had written his phone number on it under the name
Dave. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<i><span style="color: #1d2129;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></div>
<div style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="color: #1d2129;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">“Great,”
she said flirtatiously. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="color: #1d2129;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">And then
he left. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="color: #1d2129;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">It
was an exciting exchange and really original and Kerri called him the next day. They
made plans to go eat at a restaurant, together this time.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="color: #1d2129;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">After
two dates, Kerri said Dave was really cute and a nice guy, and they were both
in the publishing world so they had something in common, but she wasn’t sure if
she was attracted to him like <i>that</i>.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="color: #1d2129;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">He
hadn’t made any moves romantically, but
he <i>had </i>bought her a copy of a book they talked about, which was sweet.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="color: #1d2129;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Kerri’s
initial thoughts of not being attracted to him were confirmed when they had a
lukewarm make-out session in his car after their third date. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><i><span style="color: #1d2129;">“Ehh…”</span></i><span style="color: #1d2129;"> she describes. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="color: #1d2129;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">LOL<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">They next day, Dave called to ask her out again. </span><br />
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br />She responded with a rehearsed rejection that she thought would lessen the blow.<br /><br />“The thing is, I’m not really interested in having a boyfriend,” she said. “Errr…the timing isn’t great.”<br /><br />Then she indicated that she’d love to still be friends. <br /><br />It was sort of true, but also made it seem like it was <i>her </i>and not <i>him</i>, which she thought was thoughtful.<br /><br />Dave did not think it was thoughtful.<br /><br />He flipped out.<br /><br />After three dates. Geez. <br /><br />“He said he ‘didn’t actually enjoy my company after all and didn’t want to see me again,’’ Kerri recalls. <br /><br />LOL</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br />LOL</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br />LOL</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /><i>Uhhhh….he didn’t enjoy her company? IS THAT WHY HE ASKED HER OUT FOR DATE NUMBER FOUR???</i></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">What a terrible thing to say to someone, just to hurt their feelings.<br /><br />Kerri said Dave was so butt-hurt that he repeated that he didn’t like her company, didn't want to be friends at all</span><span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 107%;">—</span><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><i>EVER</i></span><span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 107%;">—</span><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">and then asked her to return the book he got her.<br /><br />LOL<br /><br />THAT WAS A <i>GIFT</i>, DAVE.<br /><br />SO BUTT-HURT, in fact, that I don’t think she should delete all evidence of him in her phone. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Just in case the aliens have an anal probe.</span><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">-Jenny</span><o:p></o:p></div>
</div>
JennySayshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05068398508858068543noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8936233860997495278.post-46275393347336382942016-08-18T10:20:00.000-07:002016-08-18T13:11:07.872-07:00Contract sports<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLgiwTjOVmJWhD_NRwo5kE17wyGdqrANeSnJOqvutoCy4luySk2vKRFZBgoJzQm3Jd1ixK6Y_LDv3m7BCSDJM-gcNh5OQQsyL1Uem_x7W-66JEGkZpT6Mij8U5K7L6pLQ_b1dctP9smpOX/s1600/swim.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLgiwTjOVmJWhD_NRwo5kE17wyGdqrANeSnJOqvutoCy4luySk2vKRFZBgoJzQm3Jd1ixK6Y_LDv3m7BCSDJM-gcNh5OQQsyL1Uem_x7W-66JEGkZpT6Mij8U5K7L6pLQ_b1dctP9smpOX/s400/swim.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Last name redacted; nobody LinkedIN me</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">My mom emailed me this bizarre typed “contract” I signed in
high school that she found buried in a file cabinet, in which I agreed to be in
bed by 10 p.m. every night or else I couldn’t go to the next morning’s 5 a.m.
swim practice.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">My parents were constantly making me and my twin sister Joy
sign “contracts” all throughout childhood about all kinds of things—about being
home for dinner at 7 p.m., about drinking milk, not smoking, doing chores. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">One time we had to sign a contract that Joy and I <i>wouldn’t laugh
at the dinner table</i> because it was “disruptive” and no one could hear how our
brother Franklin’s day was.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">HAHAHAHAHAHA <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">F.Y.I. <a href="http://jennysays-hellofools.blogspot.com/2011/09/kks-turn.html">Franklin </a><i>never</i>
had to sign any contracts.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA<span style="line-height: 107%;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Anyway.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">After I was done <i>scratching
my head about why my parents still have this piece of paper</i>, it got me
thinking about sacrificing things for sports.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">It’s good timing, because I’ve been obsessively watching the 2016 Olympics in Rio.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Since I grew up in New Orleans, many of the high school sports
I played were “Summer Olympics” sports: Swimming, track and field, soccer. Even
gymnastics, from elementary school through high school.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">I was never good enough at any sport to play at a high competitive
level (outside the Catholic all-girls high school competitive level, <i>in which I
RULED</i>), but I still gave every sport all I had, 100 percent.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">And I still remember the feeling of competition like it <i>wasn’t</i> 15 years ago (UGGGHHH). <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">The starting line of an early morning cross-country race, on the starting block at a Saturday morning swim meet, a 3 p.m. track meet after school, green aluminum relay baton in hand, already gathering sweat from my palm before I even start.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Maybe that’s why I’m so hooked on watching the Olympics. I
think I’m in it for the start of the race.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Remembering the jittery stomach flips as I waited <i>painfully</i> for the 400 meter starting gun
to go off, knowing that <i>any second</i> my relaxed state of being was going to fall to heavy
breathing, fatigued legs, LOWERING MY SHOULDERS AWAY FROM MY DAMN EARS, COACH, darting eyeballs to my peripheral vision to see if any runners were coming up on either side. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Controlled stress building up in my chest as I concentrated on
nothing but the starting gun and the patch of red rubber track five feet in front
of me. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">And let's not forget the icy cold pool water hitting
my face and I dove in at the start of a race, enveloping me like a body bag.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Concentrating on the black lines painted on the bottom of
the pool, fuzzy through my goggles, as I got closer and closer towards the end of
the lane designated by a “T” horizontal line. Watching the top of the T get closer and closer.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">There was a time in high school where I went to swim
practice every morning at 5 a.m., went to school and <i>then</i> went to track practice after school. And I loved it.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Maybe that’s why I’ve played so much kickball in my adult
life; I've been trying to re-create the feeling of success in an athletic event. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">The feeling of catching a fly ball. Sticking a landing. Reaching
the wall of the pool first. It’s immensely satisfying. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">It can not be duplicated, except with more athletic endeavors.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: times, "times new roman", serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: times, "times new roman", serif; font-size: large;">Even watching Olympics commercials about “early morning practices”
“late nights on the field” and “unwavering commitment” makes me tear up.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Hearing what the athletes give up, what they sacrifice to be
at the Olympic Games. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">(Hint: It’s way worse than being forced to go to bed every night at 10
p.m. when you’re almost 18 years old.) <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">If you’re like me and can’t fast-forward Olympics
commercials because you’re cheap and have an antenna, you’ve probably seen or
heard the commercial where athletes say thank you to their parents. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Images of athletes being dropped off at practice by their
parents (in a Toyota), picked up from practice by their parents (in a Toyota),
waving to mom on the rain-soaked bleachers from the field.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">They strangely don’t include the situation where the athlete
is old enough to drive herself, but still needs her mom’s good sense to convey
the importance of taking your sport <i>seriously
enough to get at least seven hours of sleep.</i> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Or the sense of commitment that once you sign up for
something, or, in our case,<i> sign your
name on the dotted line</i> for something, you better take pride in it. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">So thanks mom. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">(Uh you can throw that contract away now.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Signed,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Jenny</span><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"> </span></div>
JennySayshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05068398508858068543noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8936233860997495278.post-90167881006812879482016-08-09T13:13:00.000-07:002016-08-09T13:13:14.700-07:00TOOLBAG TUESDAY<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I never took a psychology class in college, so I don’t really know the definition of a “psychopath,” but I’m pretty sure his name is Andy and he’s on Tinder.<br /><br />Andy is the PSYCHOPATH who my friend Holly went out with exactly two times, and every single thing that came out of his mouth was bizarre, delusional or physically impossible.<br /><br />…And then he flipped out when she called him out on it.<br /><br />It always baffles me when guys think women in their 30s are idiots, that we don’t know anything about timelines—<i>(Oh, you had 15 jobs at the same time?</i> <i>While </i>attending school??? Do the laws of "X number of hours in a day" not apply to you??) <br /><br />Also we're not idiots on the credentials one needs to be a teacher, for example.<br /><br />Andy wrote on Tinder that he was in the Army, so Holly thought that meant he was somewhat responsible and in somewhat good shape (LOL) and she agreed to go out with him. <br /><br />After texting for a week, they made plans to get coffee and breakfast before work one day.<br /><br />It was a cute, out-of-the-box date. <br /><br />Yet, at the restaurant, <i>their first meeting face-to-face</i>, Andy said that his debit card chip was broken by Wal-Mart’s POS system (LOLOLOLOLOL) and that he couldn’t get money until his bank opened. <br /><br />...And an effing credit card was never on the table </span><div>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">(literally and figuratively <i>heyoooo</i>).<br /><br />Holly raised her eyebrows and paid for the coffee.<br /><br />“Let me take you to dinner after work!” Andy said. “I want to make it up to you!”<br /><br />Holly agreed, even though she thought he was sketchy. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">As if confirming her feelings, he threw in, “Let's go somewhere close to my apartment, I don’t have a car because I got a DUI.”<br /><br />Uhhhhhhhhhhhhh<br /><br /><i>“I swear I had a BMW though!”</i> he added.<br /><br />LOL<br /><br />Dinner is when it all went downhill hahaha<br /><br />They met at a place that Andy decided was in his <i>walking radius.</i> </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">The minute they walked in and sat down, Holly said the server <i>switched tables</i> with another server so that she didn't have to wait on them.<br /><br />“What’s that about?” Holly asked. <br /><br />“Oh…she doesn’t like me,” Andy replied. <br /><br /><i>!!!!!!!!!!!!</i></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><i><br /></i></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><i>?????????</i></span></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">“Yea, she was a <i>drug addict</i> and tried to push me out of a job at another restaurant where we worked,” Andy said.<br /><br /><i>Why would he suggest they go there??</i></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Then he started listing all the restaurants he had worked at.<br /><br />Holly clarifies: All the big restaurants he said he ‘managed.’</span><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /><br />When he was listing his 20th job, seriously, Holly asked how he managed (<i>huh huh</i>) to work all those places and be in the military.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Didn’t he have to go off to training or something?<br /><br />That launched into a half-hour story about his illustrious military career—“a one-sided conversation I couldn’t add to,” Holly recalls. <br /><br />After dinner, they moved to the bar to finish their drinks (avoiding the “drug addict” server) and Andy starts talking about his <i>new </i>job where he teaches special needs kids.<br /><br /><i>What?!?</i></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">When did he have time to get certified to teach special needs kids during his 20 restaurant jobs and illustrious military career?? </span></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">“I don’t have a degree yet, but I’m in the classroom teaching,” he said.<br /><br />LOL<br /><br /><i>Errrr</i>…..pretty sure you need a degree to teach.<br /><br />Holly then remembered all the times Andy texted her with poor grammar, with “there, their, they’re” all used incorrectly.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">This guy was a joke.<br /><br />Just as Holly was politely exiting the bar, Andy said that he was looking to buy a house. <br /><br />“My best friend is the best realtor in the city!” Holly said. “I can give you her number!”<br /><br />Holly and her realtor friend sent Andy several properties over the next week, and he responded telling Holly how sweet she was to look out for him, and that he’s starting to like her so much, he was going to delete his Tinder account.<br /><br />(The 2016 version of “let’s go steady”)<br /><br />Holly sent him back a smiley face, but she didn't get off Tinder.<br /><br />“So I'm swiping a few days later and I see his profile alive and well. I send him a photo of it and say, 'so you're off Tinder huh?' and block him right after," she said.<br /><br />Hahahahaha</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: large;">Apparently, his embarrassment over Holly calling him out was too much.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">When her realtor friend sent him more properties the next day, he flipped out.<br /><br />His texts to Holly's <i>friend </i>went like this:<br /><br />“NEVER TEXT ME AGAIN. I WILL NEVER PURCHASE WITH YOU OR GIVE YOU MONEY. YOU SCREWED YOUR COMPANY AND I’M NOTIFYING THEM TODAY”<br /><br />Ed note: <i>psycho???</i><br /><br />And then:</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">“DO NOT TEXT OR EMAIL ME, I WILL CRUSH YOU IN COURT. God’s luck”</span></div>
<div>
<i style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: x-large;"><br /></i></div>
<div>
<i style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: x-large;">??????????</i></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Yes, he misspelled “good.”</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: large;">HAHAHAHAHAHAHA</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I don’t really know what to say about this. <br /><br />I mean, this guy goes on a first date WITH NO MONEY, follows that up with a date at a restaurant with a server so angry with him she can’t even stand to wait on him, is clearly lying about his job(s) AND lying about quitting Tinder and then bizarrely insults her friend for no reason and threatens a lawsuit!?!?!?<br /><br />Oh. <br /><br />Good.<br /><br />God.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br />-Jenny</span></div>
JennySayshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05068398508858068543noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8936233860997495278.post-10163898683064868852016-08-04T13:51:00.000-07:002016-08-05T11:24:12.600-07:00I Heart NY<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">To an outsider, we
appeared as we do every summer: our whole family’s annual summer vacation to
visit our brother <a href="http://jennysays-hellofools.blogspot.com/2011/09/kks-turn.html">Franklin</a>.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">This year, however, we didn’t fly
to <a href="http://jennysays-hellofools.blogspot.com/2014/07/remembering-los-angeles.html">Los Angeles</a>. We flew to New York because Franklin and his girlfriend Allison
are living there while he edits several episodes of the second
season of an amazing TV show called Mr. Robot. (WATCH IT!)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">And in that way, everything
was different.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">But that wasn’t the only
thing.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">My twin sister Joy <a href="http://jennysays-hellofools.blogspot.com/2015/12/tears-of-joy.html">has a husband now</a>.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">My mom is officially
retired.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">And I have a boyfriend!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><i>!!!!!!!!</i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">I’ve been meaning to
write about my <i>boyfriend</i>, Daniel, for months now, and what better introduction
than how he was thrown <i>head-first</i> into our loud, boisterous family’s annual va</span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large; text-align: center;">cation last month??</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">“Did he read your <a href="http://jennysays-hellofools.blogspot.com/2015/07/all-in-family.html"><i>other </i>blog posts</a> about our family vacations?” my mother asked nervously when I asked if he
could join us.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">“Does he know it will be <i>all </i>of us? And that <i>five</i> of
us will be sharing an AirBnB, including your Aunt?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Joy and I
laughed.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">It turns out
Daniel <i>had</i> read my other blog posts and, because he lives in
New Orleans, had already met my whole family and didn’t blink twice at booking
a flight.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">In fact, he was the only
one who appreciated our mom’s constant stream of emails leading up to the trip
entitled “tentative itinerary.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Since our family has
always had an affinity for loud productions, it was fitting that our first
night in town, we all saw a Broadway play.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Joy played her part
exceptionally well when she took the wrong subway, got lost, and arrived at the
play with one minute to spare, hungry and yelling at everyone.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Hahaha<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">And then our mom gave us
the expected side-eye when we ordered double vodkas at the theater bar. </span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">The play Fiddler on the
Roof (<i>thanks mom and dad!!!</i>) was the most memorable play I’ve ever seen. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">I didn’t get lost following the play ONCE and enthusiastically gave it a
standing ovation.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">(I then Googled the lead actor Danny Burstein when I got home
because I have never seen anyone command a stage like he did.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><i>Hmm maybe it was the
double vodkas…</i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">After the play, we
walked up the street to Times Square, a landmark which never changes, unless
you count the changing number of chain restaurants. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">On the “tentative itinerary,”
our mom had listed: “Take family Christmas photo at Times Square.” </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Drunk on
theater, I felt like leaping there, like the Russian dancers from the play.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">We quickly realized that
we didn’t need a flash for our photo, as Times Square was literally lit up like
a concert.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Beautiful models, iconic
logos and other American consumerism shone down on us as we took group pictures
but then Franklin got annoyed with the “same photo being taken over and over,”
my mom sang show tunes, Joy re-announced that she was starving, and my dad and
Allison snuck off to buy ice cream cones from a truck.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">And in that way,
everything was the same.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgyg-zGkhHXzpl9SXGzhPfq1rQiSllYtLYVFzfDr0-GS3iNjdiCSMB066YCAmbtEaBHdXc8JwHnAkOVppLm8gw82w_F71OQ0_sUBNxBW__RTCeUQK9T8PoVkTjkD3uknT6GouKGJ7PhBIg5/s1600/famvacay.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: x-large; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="392" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgyg-zGkhHXzpl9SXGzhPfq1rQiSllYtLYVFzfDr0-GS3iNjdiCSMB066YCAmbtEaBHdXc8JwHnAkOVppLm8gw82w_F71OQ0_sUBNxBW__RTCeUQK9T8PoVkTjkD3uknT6GouKGJ7PhBIg5/s400/famvacay.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: medium;">The next day, we went to
the Natural History Museum, which I </span><i style="font-family: times, "times new roman", serif;">hated</i><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: medium;"> because it somehow
made dinosaurs boring.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Joy laughed at me.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><i>“Where is the skin?</i> Where are the <i>scales</i>???” I
asked staring at skeleton after skeleton.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">I didn’t know which ones
were actual bones or reproductions of bones.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">(Most of the real bones
were behind glass cases.)</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">“So <i>WHAT</i> is
hanging from the ceiling? <i>Plastic</i>???”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Joy’s <a href="http://jennysays-hellofools.blogspot.com/2014/10/how-my-twin-sister-got-new-legs.html">husband</a>, who has
his masters in biology, was not impressed at my ignorance.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">(Also a “water giraffe”
is not the proper name for an ancient platypus, nailed to the ceiling.)</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<br />
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<a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/BHaN-r-DpEp/" style="color: black; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px; text-decoration: none; word-wrap: break-word;" target="_blank">Anyone wanna race me around the display?? #michelletanner</a></div>
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A photo posted by Genevieve (@jennyjenny504) on <time datetime="2016-07-03T18:38:25+00:00" style="font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 17px;">Jul 3, 2016 at 11:38am PDT</time></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">At the museum, we sat in
a planetarium show narrated by Neil De Grasse Tyson about the universe which was
also the most <i>boring</i> thing I’ve ever heard, and I promptly
fell asleep in the dark theater with stars over my head.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Thankfully, Daniel still
held my hand, despite my snoring in the theater.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">:)</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Joy and I laughed again
when our mom kept quizzing us on what “black matter” is after the show and Joy fielded every
question to me knowing full well I was in R.E.M. cycle.</span></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-qAssrCV0vHmVvLMY_hSCaVab5WzUYG3qB7jw8dEP5h-ETM9w9Q2wFT35hmVvYVmDWsu3KMcuSG3r7R2g3cl_sK6I8F8Czgq6GfBAZxyxgRTKNWLhPdjKYHT7UWi6JDWUyQpnZ6o5Ok2z/s1600/FullSizeRender_1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: x-large; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-qAssrCV0vHmVvLMY_hSCaVab5WzUYG3qB7jw8dEP5h-ETM9w9Q2wFT35hmVvYVmDWsu3KMcuSG3r7R2g3cl_sK6I8F8Czgq6GfBAZxyxgRTKNWLhPdjKYHT7UWi6JDWUyQpnZ6o5Ok2z/s400/FullSizeRender_1.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Fresh from a nap!!<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"> </span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Daniel and I then paired
off, and I found out something NEW I like about him—his navigational abilities.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">There’s a simple comfort
in following someone around aimlessly, not having to navigate for yourself,
knowing you’ll get where you’re going safely.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">:)</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">(It’s also hard to
concentrate on what’s ahead of you when you’re too busy
looking up at the tall buildings and pausing to clap for subway performers pole dancing
in the train cars.)<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgRBB2bak3S-tayuCIfGYSwzlS38J2XMJ-VDjTrEJtR1nHjGmyNbPgGfCJkdqOe7qFriERKGQ0-0atT43gtp-MdPZXQzp3CN4t92FJ2Mpb9DgGAUKh0tl6M095m2wzW4Fj41lFchdjeKVJq/s1600/FullSizeRender+%25282%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgRBB2bak3S-tayuCIfGYSwzlS38J2XMJ-VDjTrEJtR1nHjGmyNbPgGfCJkdqOe7qFriERKGQ0-0atT43gtp-MdPZXQzp3CN4t92FJ2Mpb9DgGAUKh0tl6M095m2wzW4Fj41lFchdjeKVJq/s400/FullSizeRender+%25282%2529.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">We met my NYC friend and
walked to Daniel’s friend’s apartment, the chic-est apartment I’ve ever been to in the inappropriately-named DUMBO neighborhood </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">(inappropriate because no one who
lives there is dumb).<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">You could see the Statue
of Liberty from the living room.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">We all walked along the
DUMBO waterfront, where thousands of people were out playing beach volleyball,
basketball, cooking out, dancing, biking, running, walking dogs.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">I especially appreciated
the Hasidic Jewish family playing beach volleyball, a father mother and son,
all dressed head to toe in traditional garb, not caring about rules or points
in the game, just rolling up their pants and playing around. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">That is not something
you see in South Carolina. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Or in Fiddler on the Roof.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">We ended the night at
Franklin and Allison’s Brooklyn apartment, where we had drinks overlooking the
New York City skyline from their balcony (swoooon!) and when it got late, I
followed my navigator boyfriend back to our Air BnB, without taking my eyes off
of him.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">:)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgyNGFin6MTxR_3_nV_ECq_hh3vqEuKdGlrIHm48PAUZTfV0I3IriHj5OTY5vBA0xgs1-TP9p2gOj7EoJF5wPMcfRKEyxzvzmhljT0uqY9UlgHy86PPGyNOp1XwJtJxjhrI4F0ciGn8gRut/s1600/under.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: x-large; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgyNGFin6MTxR_3_nV_ECq_hh3vqEuKdGlrIHm48PAUZTfV0I3IriHj5OTY5vBA0xgs1-TP9p2gOj7EoJF5wPMcfRKEyxzvzmhljT0uqY9UlgHy86PPGyNOp1XwJtJxjhrI4F0ciGn8gRut/s400/under.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">The next day, July 4, I
decided that I wanted to get a milkshake that I discovered on social media.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">It was at a restaurant
called Black Tap and there was a big line and the only person who humored me
was my mom. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Some people (Daniel)
don’t LIKE MILKSHAKES, other people like Joy got on the subway late and made us
wait in line longer.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">But my cookies and cream
milkshake was perfect and I have never had a frozen treat so delicious and, yes, I’m including Dairy Queen blizzards.</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2UtGPgOAhc4tEjUWXc4DN8rb05nRUjXttCDIMiRELnSwFJBF5McsUQ7kwh7jOJt_g-C2U-QpqcZSswFAbSpEPJn050x5YNEHclVbFR66wiTWWH1th1bUHGab02bIOuIicfxQN6k39_0Ow/s1600/milkshake.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: x-large; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2UtGPgOAhc4tEjUWXc4DN8rb05nRUjXttCDIMiRELnSwFJBF5McsUQ7kwh7jOJt_g-C2U-QpqcZSswFAbSpEPJn050x5YNEHclVbFR66wiTWWH1th1bUHGab02bIOuIicfxQN6k39_0Ow/s400/milkshake.jpg" width="300" /></a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEha8e-AHc8rh9bl2jyx-yL0ieV4L7xLmKWs8rdk-Zd8XhHw4mc3Ary8f9_vQl5qC5aXi2xNkCMmis0NDj8-N1QC0PSSkJwF9XosZCYBvkiZ0QgpDMoN_tryNk6EHIciJh6JuBT7Zc3MhU58/s1600/milkshake2.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: x-large; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEha8e-AHc8rh9bl2jyx-yL0ieV4L7xLmKWs8rdk-Zd8XhHw4mc3Ary8f9_vQl5qC5aXi2xNkCMmis0NDj8-N1QC0PSSkJwF9XosZCYBvkiZ0QgpDMoN_tryNk6EHIciJh6JuBT7Zc3MhU58/s400/milkshake2.JPG" width="300" /></a></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">We then all walked
to Chinatown, and saw fascinating, unidentifiable fruits and vegetables
and what appeared to be green onions that were so long and heavy that a vendor was <i>slapping </i>them onto a table from out of a box, like tentacles.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">We saw fireworks from
Franklin and Allison’s apartment (number “4” on the itinerary) and even though
it was raining, we all squeezed in to their kitchen and talked about everything
and nothing at all. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">The rain stopped right
as the fireworks started, almost as if it was just for us.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgUuvt7QBo_40YWc14-TjghPR0TZN1bPqP9iOJg9RzZZheCkGktcN45MiPTtwVgy-BlQbwpL1iz3OI6sca-N-UVWn3E9tN2wc_fNJ-M9lS-ssAumdeIeChAAu7CngtJY-fSUb_JO0u0CjQl/s1600/13508880_10105919204334095_1551557921936476410_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: x-large; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgUuvt7QBo_40YWc14-TjghPR0TZN1bPqP9iOJg9RzZZheCkGktcN45MiPTtwVgy-BlQbwpL1iz3OI6sca-N-UVWn3E9tN2wc_fNJ-M9lS-ssAumdeIeChAAu7CngtJY-fSUb_JO0u0CjQl/s400/13508880_10105919204334095_1551557921936476410_n.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">(Our dad watched the
fireworks on the TV inside hahahahahahha)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhMUB1E1zZ9UUMKAhTu2MgEf8tJS3ru9pqS1pdp9DMOTMwoitP3dtbffu5VelgihgUed2dYAc4OY3SikAHO5aNOl91NL-gJ4u1R8lSHJFTi-Z_I9Oeh3-2u_EtKaiD-SyXOZv1vdT25Lug/s1600/13533103_10105919082343565_259933937310853820_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhMUB1E1zZ9UUMKAhTu2MgEf8tJS3ru9pqS1pdp9DMOTMwoitP3dtbffu5VelgihgUed2dYAc4OY3SikAHO5aNOl91NL-gJ4u1R8lSHJFTi-Z_I9Oeh3-2u_EtKaiD-SyXOZv1vdT25Lug/s400/13533103_10105919082343565_259933937310853820_n.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Seriously...that view! Swooooon</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">The rain started again
after the show and we walked home soaking wet, me feeling very much like a
character in a TV show or movie set in New York, brownstone after brownstone
passing as I hooked arms with Daniel and my mom.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">On our last day in New
York, we explored Brooklyn by foot, my <i>boyfriend's </i>idea, and the one who led me and
my aunt to the cutest little restaurant I have been to in recent memory.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">There was something
quite magical about sitting in the café, eating breakfast at noon on a Tuesday, the
buzzing of the barista making coffee drink after coffee drink, watching people
through the window heading towards a little park.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">…on their way to
something, on their way back from something, having the best day, having the
worst day— talking to themselves (in several languages.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">I felt that sense of
anonymity too, even though it was a significant holiday for me.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">If anyone looked over,
no one would have known that it was our last meal of a special vacation for our
family, one where everything was the same, yet different, and wonderful, all at
once.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">And I didn’t have to
worry about finding my way home.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">-Jenny<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhm9Mwa2ZKskm5gLjl9IQc4x7p8-oTBwUFZefdT9GYZql-lEtnOlGd5eEb7Fc1unWoTCZUPvoGmsNbidwNGwbjudVsIFzB9PWHwKwy6k9fyCXqa9kYRj8DUysh2w1aFlDbeNRX80FY1T81k/s1600/IMG_4351jp.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: x-large; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhm9Mwa2ZKskm5gLjl9IQc4x7p8-oTBwUFZefdT9GYZql-lEtnOlGd5eEb7Fc1unWoTCZUPvoGmsNbidwNGwbjudVsIFzB9PWHwKwy6k9fyCXqa9kYRj8DUysh2w1aFlDbeNRX80FY1T81k/s400/IMG_4351jp.JPG" width="400" /></a></div>
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JennySayshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05068398508858068543noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8936233860997495278.post-69475569625347840882016-08-02T14:11:00.000-07:002016-08-03T06:52:57.566-07:00TOOLBAG TUESDAY<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">My friend Sarah just wanted to have some fun, and this guy TJ fit
the bill.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Turns out, he was a lemon.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">A <i>lemon</i>, like when you buy a car or a phone or something else fancy
that LOOKS good on the outside, but is really <i>defective </i>on the inside.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">TJ was cute, dark and mysterious (mysterious in that he
wouldn’t tell her what the initials TJ stood for…ha) and he lived in a very
swanky high rise, exactly two floors up from a party Sarah attended.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">TJ and Sarah met and talked all night at the party and, at
the stroke of 2 a.m., instead of taking the elevator down to the first floor
and catch an Uber, she joined TJ in his apartment instead. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">It was an “OK” one-night stand (haha), and Sarah left the
next morning, despite TJs pleas to stay. She put her number in his phone just to
placate him and told him goodbye.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">And that’s all the time she planned to put into this “connection.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Sarah had actually forgotten all about TJ until exactly
seven days later, at the exact same time (roughly 2 a.m.), when he texted her.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">“Been thinking bout you. When you gonna back and see me?”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">It was a lame text; he had obviously <i>only </i>been thinking
about her late on a Saturday night, not during the day, or during the week. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Sarah was put off by his late-night booty call and also that it was only
two sentences and not thoughtful or interesting. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">She ignored him.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Yet TJ repeated the same message week after week, always
texting on a Friday or Saturday well past midnight with various versions of, </span><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">“When you coming to have fun with me again?” “You really don’t want to
come over?”</span></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">GET A CLUE.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">He was now just getting really annoying. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">So she texted back.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">“I told him that while I don’t regret hooking up with him, I
didn’t want to be a stranger’s booty call,” Sarah recalls. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">She thought that would take care of the problem.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">But then TJ did the opposite of a booty call: He asked
her out for a meal. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Considering guys rarely do this anymore, it was a shock.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">“I genuinely like you and want to get to know you better!”
he texted.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">LOL<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">After two more weeks, Sarah caved and agreed to meet him for
brunch one Sunday at a hot new place he suggested.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Sarah wasn’t entirely sold as she got up early to get
dressed to meet her one-night stand whose name may or may not really be TJ.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">She got to the restaurant four minutes late and scanned the
dining room. No TJ.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">She texted him, “Hey, I’m here. Are you?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">He responded, “No, just getting up.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">!!!!!!!!!!!!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">UGH. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">LEMON.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Already an enormous waste of time. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">“I’ll be there in a second,” he said.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Sarah believed him and went to the bar and got a bloody Mary,
staring at her phone when, 20 MINUTES LATER, he texted, “In an Uber now. On my
way.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">This now put him 45 minutes late to the brunch that he
insisted she join him for, and had set the time for.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">When TJ arrived, he still looked cute but she was annoyed at
his LEMON lateness and they sat awkwardly at a table. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Then the server came up to take their order. After Sarah
ordered, all eyes were on TJ.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">“Oh, nothing,” he said.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">?!!??!!!!!!!?!??!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">“WHAT? You’re not hungry?” she asked.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">“No…I’m just not much of a breakfast person.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">The server shot her a look of pity.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><i>“Then why did you agree to brunch? Why did you suggest this
place?”</i> Sarah asked.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">He didn’t respond. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">And that’s how Sarah found herself EATING BY HERSELF,
suddenly massively regretting her life choices. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">THIS IS WHY YOU NEVER
TALK TO A ONE-NIGHT STAND AGAIN.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">And then came the icing on the cinnamon roll: The bill came,
and SARAH PAID FOR IT.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">“Well, I didn’t technically <i>eat</i> anything….” TJ said.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">It was the most mortifying scene ever. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">All Sarah could think about was how fast the
server could run her debit card and she could leave, when she felt TJs hand ON
HER KNEE.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">She jerked it, smashing it on the underside of
the table. On purpose.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">“<span style="color: #222222;">OWWWWWW!” TJ wailed. My
hand! Why did you do that?!?”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">“Because you
unexpectedly put your hand on my knee, and I don’t know why,” she said, cooly.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">“Well, I was about to
ask you if you wanted to come back to my place,” TJ said.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">LOL<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
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<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">LOL<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">“...You know…to have some
fun. Like we did the other night.”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<i><span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">The other night?!?! </span></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Try the other month. <o:p></o:p></span></span></i></div>
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<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">After a long pause
Sarah said, “Oh, no, I’m good. I’m really full after all that <i>awesome</i> food.”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Then TJ said, seriously, after she had AGAIN turned
him down: </span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">“After <i>all this</i>, you won’t
even come back to my place for a little fun? C’mon, you know you want to.”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">All this??<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">All <i>what</i>???<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<i><span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">All $30 on her debit card?!??!<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></div>
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<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Sarah looked at him
dumbfounded. Did this guy <i>seriously</i> think that after the most
awkward “date” in the history of brunch THAT HE DIDN’T PAY FOR, which included
a complete disregard for arriving on time, being a weirdo and not ordering
anything, and failing other basic social clues, that sex was a natural
follow-up?!<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">UGH.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">SUCK ON A LEMON
TJ<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">-Jenny</span><o:p></o:p></div>
JennySayshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05068398508858068543noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8936233860997495278.post-65740968663743115032016-07-26T13:19:00.000-07:002016-07-26T13:59:21.654-07:00TOOLBAG TUESDAY<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><i>ED NOTE:</i> I’m up to
my eyeballs in work, so I don’t have time to write a proper Toolbag Tuesday
today, but I can’t stop laughing at this dumbass text message exchange my
friend sent me from a guy she’s dating:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">“I told him that I needed extra TLC this week because I’m
PMSing.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">“He responded with ‘great. Looking forward to being nice to
you on your period. Can’t wait.’”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">LOL<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">(yes he's being sarcastic)</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">From what I’ve gathered, this is the <i>typical </i>response from
someone who has no sisters and/or attended an all-boys Catholic High School and
wasn't taught basic survival skills like bearing "food-gifts" and giving extra attention
to their menstruating girlfriends.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">...And may God have mercy on his soul.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">-Jenny</span><o:p></o:p></div>
JennySayshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05068398508858068543noreply@blogger.com1