Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Shot in the ass / Stupid nurse to blame (GIVIN’ STREP THROAT A BAD NAME)

I’m sick, like SICK sick, not hungover sick ThankYouVeryMuch, and I’ve spent the first week of 2011 in bed. And not in a naughty way.

Unless, of course, you think it’s fun to wake up from nightmares at 3 p.m. on a Monday in a cold sweat while accidentally swatting medicine off your tiny bedside table. (Related note: Taking Nyquil P.M. at 9 A.M. messes with your mind.)

I used to get strep throat twice a year, which knocks me on my ass, and I cry and lay in bed and moan and wail (which makes me SUPER CUTE) and I don’t have a boyfriend or my twin sister, Joy, here to feed into my desperation and general feeling of not wanting to live.

I haven’t gotten throat sick this bad since 2006, I remember because I had a terrible editor at the time who didn’t believe that I was that sick, really, and demanded that I get doctor’s notes even though I was clearly croaking into the phone, reminding her that strep throat is contagious.

Despite the fact that four years had gone by since my last general sore throat/lymph node inflammation, I figured it would be handled the very same way.

I could have written out my own prescription for amoxicillin, for Christ’s sake.

(By the way, the liquid form of amoxicillin is quite tasty and cold because you keep it in the fridge, similar to OLD SCHOOL Children’s orange Triamenic. Do you remember Triamenic? They don’t make it anymore. Something about being unsafe or having ingredients similar to meth. IT. WAS. DELICIOUS.)

But anyway. Today was not an easy, breezy antibiotic prescription visit. (I’m not an ideal patient as it is, so this wasn't surprising).

No, today, I got a STERIOD shot in my ASS like a dog at a veterinarian’s office. I’ve never had a shot in my ass before and no doubt had eyes similar to a poodle.

Did I mention that my mom came with me to the doc-in-a-box because I’m sad and pathetic, and she thinks I’m 10 years old?

I don’t have a doctor here in New Orleans yet and I thought that the urgent care clinic was the easiest and cheapest option. My mom was worried.

“I don’t want a shot in my ass,” I told the nurse practitioner. “I’d like it somewhere else.”

“Honey, you DON'T want this in your arm, trust me,” she said. “Now pull down your skirt.”

It all happened so quickly, that I had no time to think and suddenly I yelped…like a poodle.

“I know, it burns,” she said.

I was already mad at the nurse because she didn’t properly prick my finger earlier. (It was a very traumatizing trip to the doc-in-a-box).

The doctor wanted to test me for MONO, which is way scarier than strep, and I had to get my finger pricked to fill a vial of blood.

I turned my head as the nurse practitioner pricked me (VOMIT), but she couldn’t get my finger to pour blood and kept pinching and squeezing it and I started to cry at her incompetence.

(My mom sat quietly in the corner, reading up on “Mono” on her Blackberry.)

“Am I hurting you?” the nurse asked.
“YES, YES YOU ARE!” I said.
“Well, I’m sorry, I can’t get your finger to bleed! You are a very slow bleeder!”

I knew this already, according to the fussy phlebotomists (favorite word ever!!) at the Red Cross, the several times I’ve donated blood.

(I bleed slow!! Hear that hot vampires? I’m like a fine wine, something to be savored! Um, moving on.)

So, the dumb nurse had to prick TWO MORE fingers until she got enough blood, and then she left, giving me a ridiculously tiny piece of gauze to sop up the mess and I ended up using it as a tissue for my tears instead.

For the next five minutes while we waited for the MONO test results, my mom decided to read aloud the history, symptoms and causes of MONO from her phone.

“OK, GREAT MOM!” I howled, as I laid down on the paper-wrapped patient table.

When it came back negative, Doctor Peacock (yes that was his name) gave orders for the shot and SURPRISE!!!! an Amoxicillin prescription.
(He said the strep test came back negative, and formally diagnosed me with tonsilitis.)

But what doctor’s visit wouldn’t be complete without me passing out?

Yes, I passed out, sort of, after the steroid shot, because it hurt really really bad and I haven’t eaten anything substantial since Sunday night.

“I'm dizzy,” I squeaked, flopping my body onto the table.

It was hard to regroup my body, since there was a crying, screaming child in the next room and someone else in the hall loudly talking about all the STDs he wanted to be tested for.

When I finally got to my car, I realized I had spent well over 2 hours in the doc-in-a-box and still needed to pick up my prescription for antibiotics.

At the advice of my editor, who told me to go home, I went to a popoular Italian Ice Creamery and got a vanilla bean gelato cup and big ass piece of cheesecake.

I came home and passed out for three hours, the first time since Sunday I've been able to do so without the help of drowsy meds to block out the throat pain.

I'm happy to say I feel more than 50 percent better now, which I am attributing to the TWO antibiotics I took today, and not the stupid steroid shot.

F.Y.I. My biceps aren’t ANY bigger than they were earlier.

-Jenny

11 comments:

  1. Nin Jiom Pei Pa Koa (ninjiom-hk.cwahi.net) may be another choice. i know alot of people use it, its also non alcoholic, though it's effectiveness is not as good as alcohol based cough medicine, but it's still good to use on not so serious sore throat.

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  2. Hey I found your blog by searching steroid shot in the butt, lol. I just got my first one today! Youch! I ended up testing positive for strep, and still waiting on the results for the blood test on mono. Lucky for you to go to the doc-in-the-box, they were able to do the labs there!! Mine have to be sent to the local hospital from my drs office. And of course with it being a Friday, I prolly won't hear back until Monday. I do feel 50% better since the steroid shot, although it took about 5 hours before I felt this way. Annnnnd I've taken the max dose of Motrin and Tylenol. So maybe that has something to do with it too, lol. I just took my first dose of Amoxicillin, so I'm looking forward to more relief if that's what happened your way too. Anyways you're a great writer and I enjoyed reading about your experience. :)

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  3. Really enjoyed reading. Also this article came up when I googled shot in butt for strep... Hahaha.... Went to an urgent care clinic and the nurse about gagged me while sticking the swab down my throat....
    20 minutes later this extremely good looking dark hair tan doctor came in and asked what I was here for... I said so I can get tested for strep.... He said yah well it came out positive. So what we are going to do now is give u a shot.... After hearing this I started to tear up. ( I hate shots!) I thought they were going to give me the shot in the arm until the nurse said roll over and hold ur aunts hand.... WTF...... it hurt and stung so bad I wasn't even worried about my throat at that point..... 6 hours later with no Tylenol or medicine, the swelling if halfway down and only half as sore.... I'm not sure if it was worth it or if I should have told them to prescribe me antibiotics instead....

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  4. This was extra hilarious!!! I was literally laughing out loud!! The same thing happen to me and it was defiantly my first time getting a shot in the butt! My strep was gone in a few hours it seemed,but my butt still hurts from the shot a week later... Def did not want that in my arm!!

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  5. I got my steroid shot at the hospital yesterday for a chronic asthmatic bronchitis flair up. It was the only time I was ever given this shot in the arm instead of the butt. Take the butt pain and increase it ten fold. I was jumping up and down and screaming. I had a charlie horse muscle cramp in my whole arm for 40 minutes. A parametic gave the shot and appoligized later as he was told never to give that shot in the arm because of the pain. They finally gave me pain meds and I had to have my husband come and get me because I couldn't drive. My entire arm felt as if it was on fire and the pain would not stop!

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  6. i got the shot in the arm for strep today. it was painful, and made me shaky, but OH how much better my throat feels just 1 hr later. arm is still a bit sore. never had the shot in the butt, so not sure which would be worse.

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  7. Stumbled upon this blog by some unfortunate coincidence. Wow- never knew one person could whine so much about so little! Red flags were: no boyfriend, mommy accompanying you to clinic, and title including the words "stupid nurse to blame". There is so much medical inaccuracy and illiteracy in this entry, I don't even know where to start. Thanks for the reminder that it is simply impossible to please some people, even when you are trying to help them. Hope you enjoyed the raging yeast infection that probably followed your "2 antibiotics." Jeez lady- next time refill your valium prescription first!

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  8. illiteracy?? that's funny...who exactly are you saying CAN'T read??? Idiot. And If you don't like it, then get the fuck off my fucking blog.

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  9. thanks for you blog...it made me laugh. eff that other poster who obviously has nothing better to do with his time. i just has a steroid shot today for a raging volcano of a sore throat - unfortunately, i've had no relief like others here have described. i'm kinda bummed, really hard to swallow and eat :| anyway, hang in there and thanks for your words. :)

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  10. Wow such a little bitch. Shots are supposed to hurt sweetie. And, the nurse wasn't stupid, she was just doing her job, whiners like you don't make it better.

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  11. You poor thing! I feel for you very much. Some nurses are so misunderstanding. I hope you feed better.

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