Monday, January 10, 2011

I should probably just win the lottery

Sometimes when I get overwhelmed at work, I imagine that I work at The Gap.

It seems like such an easy place to work to me, and it smells good, and you get to touch clothes all day and get discounts on things. (Maybe I just wish I was as cool as Janeane Garofalo in Reality Bites.)

I’ve worked full-time for five years, ever since I graduated college (and have a ridiculous assortment of work clothes and black pants, I'm so FUN!) and I’m fascinated by the jobs other people have. Especially ones that are completely opposite from my job as a newspaper editor.

Like, how AWESOME would it be to work in a grocery store??

I imagine I’d have a lot of fun stacking cans of creamed corn (and beer) into delightful displays and stealing popsicles and ahhhhhhhh!! staring at the lobsters in the tank with their claws rubber band-ed together.

I found myself wandering around the grocery store one day during lunch daydreaming about this fantasy grocery store job, juggling potatoes on the side and hosing off produce every 20 minutes while making thunderstorm noises with my mouth.

This weekend, I thought about another AWESOME fantasy job: being in a band.

This would work for me because I hardly EVER get clapped for and really enjoy validation. haha (Of course, I’d have to come up with some sort of musical talent other than playing a memorized Piano Man chorus drunk at house parties).

This weekend, happily dancing to my favorite New Orleans band, Johnny Sketch and the Dirty Notes, I imagined what it would be like to be a musician. The free beer and admiration would be nice.
And talking into a microphone and having everyone pay attention would be pretty awesome too.

Not to say that being a newspaper editor isn’t super cool in its own right. Just check out my co-workers' conversation watching the Saints lose in the playoff championship game: “Man, I wonder what the headline is going to be tomorrow.”
We made dramatic suggestions and I actually laughed. haha

Still. I thought about alternative careers as I drove to work today. Perhaps it's because I have zero motivation to do work in weather colder than 50 degrees, and thought about all the new sweaters at The Gap right now.

I tried to think of all the ways these "dream" jobs would be a pain in the ass so I’d feel better about my chosen career.

I mean, the fun would probably end pretty quickly in a grocery store if I had to work in the meat department. Can you imagine being at work hungover and having to smell that???

Or, perhaps employees at The Gap get tired of khaki pants and woven scarves and people WHO TAKE CLOTHES OFF THE DUMMIES to try on.

And people in bands probably hate having to be nice to annoying people trying to crash their afterparty and get irritated playing even though they’re sick or hate when people…um…tell them how being in a band is their dream job (for example).

Still. I'm at work and no one is clapping for me.
Or Drew Brees.


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