OK, OK. About six months ago, I put a tracker on this blog to see how many people read it a day and where you people are from.
Hello regular readers from Canada!!! I don’t know anyone from Canada but I want to visit your foreign land!!!
Really though. This tracker is like a nanny cam, only I don’t care if you curse at my blog while watching Jersey Shore instead of holding it and feeding it and burping it.
In the year I’ve had this blog, 8,971 people have read it, although many probably got here by accident and X’d out the page before even reading about the adventures of me and my twin sister, Joy.
Of the MASSES of readers, I can tell what “location” they are in, which is mainly New Orleans and the South Carolina town I lived in for ten years.
(No idea how the Canadian readers found it…perhaps it was this blog that drew you in???)
I also have some readers in Amsterdam, Japan and New Zealand, although I can vouch for friends in those countries (lucky bastards).
I know how long YOU PEOPLE spend reading the blog (average two minutes), and I know how y'all GOT to this blog, the “referring” page if you will.
(Mainly Facebook...thanks, friends!!! Are you bored at work, too??)
The referral feature is my favorite part of the tracker because at least once a week, people will get referred to my blog from a crazy Google search.
Yes, I get to read people’s dumb Google searches!!!!
Did YOU Google search something and land on this Web page? Was it “Toolbag Tuesday”?
Because people have totally Google searched Toolbag Tuesday!!!! It’s going global, y’all!!! haha
Now I’ve certainly Googled some crazy things in my day, like a video of a “chicken with its head cut off” to see if it really does run around…like a chicken with its head cut off.
(I was too nervous to watch the video, and never got the answer).
I’ve Googled COUNTLESS WebMd searches (including “hypochondria” and “paranoia”) and I’ve also Googled the name of the characters from the 90s TV show Salute Your Shorts recently to prepare for bar trivia, so I’m in no position to judge.
But I have learned from my site tracker that people search for things way more bizarre than Donkeylips and Camp Anawanna.
“who are the blonde twin sisters in the stouffer's lasagna commercial”
Haha... this was a Google search from someone in Norway. I have yet to see blonde twins in a Stouffer’s commercial, - or a Stouffer’s commercial, period – so this was a pretty bizarre search. (I'm pretty sure this post came up in the results.)
Sorry, Norwegin reader, it wasn’t me in the commercial. Good luck though.
Another Google Search winner?
“youtube jeans and feet twin sisters puking throwing vomiting in there toilet mouths videos”
(the domain location was unknown). WTF.
Another search, which no doubt brought up this classic Toolbag Tuesday post, was from an IP address in London from a medical research facility:
“peed drunk embarrassing”
(Let’s hope my blog is cited in a research paper about the subject).
So, what did I do with this information? I saved all the Google searches into a Word document so I could eventualy write a blog about it.
I’m like freaking WIKILEAKS y'all!
I don’t know what’s more surprising: people’s Google searches or the fact that this blog came up in the search results.
I highly doubt anyone who searched for these things found the answer they were looking for on this blog. At least for the first few:
pictures of little boys butts
masseuse "pinched my earlobes"
did michael jackson's nose fall off
boyfriend breaks up week before Christmas
in a relationship with nivea green facebook
saw you at the club hugged up with some tramp
pictures of men doing very unsafe things
what is cuhnal angus
hair perm pictures (a search from an IP address from Malaysia)
thriller dance costumes
man passes out in wheelchair at michael jackson video
emeril live audience
nola garden flags
water meter doormats
hot girls embarassed
consumer reports underwater mp3
toolbag tuesdays blog (YAYYY!!!!)
what were the dimensions of the cave the chilean miners were trapped in
he's in high school
chilean miners and new years' resolutions
stomach flu embarrass
new bar trivia names
blog profile crossdress
cave size for the chilian miners
how did chilean miners get stuck there
i dont care about the miners
chilean miners cave blind
whole foods potato sack
worst halloween costume stories
products that no longer exist
annoyed at chile miners (haha).
And the final Google search, one from the fine country of Greece:
“Jenny and joy porn”
(No, that hasn’t been released, PERV.)
Really, though, thanks to everyone for reading my blog this year, from the bottom of my heart.
It’s the only New Year’s resolution I remember keeping, and it’s been fun to let everyone in on my life and Joy and my crippling neurosis.