I’m considering getting rid of my Sirius radio, but how exactly DO you end a five-year relationship???
It’s part of my car experience now, like putting on a seatbelt. Can I just cut it off like that???
WHAT ARE THE WITHDRAWLS LIKE??
The problem isn’t Sirius, it’s me.
We’ve grown apart, and it’s my fault.
I remember the good times when Sirius and I would spend 40 minutes in the car each way to work — just us and Howard Stern's penis jokes.
I said it before and I’ll say it again: without Sirius and Howard, I would not be employed. I’d still be sleeping.
I got Sirius specifically for Howard Stern, and plugged it in the first day he aired in 2006. But, Sirius, I've learned to appreciate so much more about you!
Do you remember the countless days we napped together on my lunch break at the park with your CHILL CHANNEL (Ch. 53) set at the perfect volume 8?
You’ve always been loyal, which is why this decision is so difficult.
You’ve always let me know when my “saved” artists were playing, and because of that, I know all the lyrics to every Paul Simon song.
And because of you, I now know the correct names of Classic Rock artists and songs.
Like how The Who’s “Who are You” is the correct title and chorus, not “Neeeeew Orleans” like I originally thought. Haha.
(♫ Doot doot doo doo doot♫)
And what about that lovely week when you played full Dave Matthews Band concerts from Portugal?
That was nice.
And how cool did you made me look when I got to put on Bob Dylan’s crazy radio hour for a passenger/fan??!
He loved it.
Remember the time I drove across state lines through the middle of the night and was still able to hear the New Orleans Saints game crystal clear on your satellite goodness??
(Fuck the Falcons.)
But, I’m sorry, baby. I don’t need you anymore.
I’m not in my car long enough to appreciate you. I can’t even hear full Howard Stern interviews with celebrities and porn stars before I get to my destination.
I also now live in New Orleans, home of the best radio station in the world, and it doesn’t cost $16 a month.
(Also, I nap on my couch now. Not the park.)
But wait! I’m not giving up on you just yet! I’m planning at least two summer road trips and I think that will reignite our passion.
And maybe instead of quitting you completely, I could move you into my house with an internet subscription. I know it won’t be the same, but things change.
Relationships are so hard!!!
Wanna get me drunk and make me change my mind about us?
Howard Stern would approve.