Friday, February 12, 2016

“Oh shit, it's Valentine's Day in 2 days!!!” gift guide

So, Valentine’s Day is happening on Sunday.
SUNDAY. This Sunday. Like two days from today, Sunday.

How is it already February 14?? I haven’t even decided on a New Year’s Resolution yet.

Restaurants are booked up! FLORISTS are at capacity with their orders!! (Really, this happens)

But never fear! The internet is here!

Below is a list of gifts you can buy your significant other RIGHT NOW and then pretend like you’ve had it for weeks. (uhhh pending internet access and a credit card.) 


This year’s gift guide follows my previous Valentine’s Day gift guides: 

Mail subscription boxes
Mail is depressing. Bills, flyers, an outstanding dentist bill from the person who lived in the house before you....etc. Break up the UGH with a mail order box your love will look forward to every month! There is seriously a box for ANYTHING: food boxes, beauty product boxes, workout clothing boxes, BarkBox (for the pet lovers). Guys have Dollar Shave Club box, Bourbon-of-the-Month club box. (Howard Stern even talked about a new NERD box with comic books and dorky swords in it.) Just Google whatever they are into and then type “monthly box” behind it.

Anything from a SPA 

If you have a lady friend, you can never, ever go wrong with anything spa-related. Massages, pedicures, facials, waxes, scrubs, cleanses, hot stone anything. Call the best-rated spa on Yelp and get a gift card in any amount. Then say AHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

Groupon bucks

Anything you possibly need, you can find it on Groupon. Seriously, anything. Need a vacation? Book a Groupon getaway. Need a house cleaner? Find one half off. Like a restaurant? Spend $20 to get $40 worth of food there. Groupon is actually pretty handy. There are a ton of spa and salon services, massive deals on wine, home and lawn services, really any service from a local company. Get your lover a Groupon credit and they’ll be thrilled to use it towards whatever their heart desires.

Coffee shop gift cards

Paying coffee shop prices is depressing and you always feel guilty about it. But nothing beats liquid crack. Get your significant other a gift card to their favorite coffee shop and I guarantee you’ll see their mood improve for the entirety of the card amount. You don’t even have to go get a plastic card!!! A mobile APP lets you load a Starbucks card onto someone’s phone.

A sweet playlist
Remember when you liked someone and you made them a mix CD? Get on iTunes and download 15 or so songs and then burn it on a CD (all cars have CD players) and then take a sharpie, date it, and write something cheesy as the description. Tip: download music of bands you’ve seen together, sweet and sexy love songs and, if she was born between the years 1981-1987, Dave Matthews Band's “Say Goodbye.” LOL. (Not actually kidding)

Community-Supported Agriculture Box subscription
Food is always a good gift idea. Impress your lady or guy friend with a box of local fruit and vegetables! CSA boxes are weekly boxes of fresh, local produce from fresh, local farmers available in almost every city in the country. It supports local farmers (awwwww how romantic) and it’s the freshest possible produce you can find. If your lover happens to be a hipster, they will explode. Bonus: you may have all yours dinners cooked for you.

Print photos

Who doesn’t love to hold a photo in their hand??? Photo books or even just a few printed out are super cheap and super thoughtful. And easy! Depending on where you live, you either have 12 or 15 Walgreens stores within a 3-mile span. Their app and website lets you upload pictures straight from Facebook or Instagram. Take the one with the most “likes,” upload and go pick them up in an hour.  

And there you have it.


Valentine’s Day gifts you can get today!!!

Right now!! Without leaving your desk.

Way to think ahead.



1 comment:

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