TOOLBAG TUESDAY

The only good thing about a long-distance relationship is that every time you see your boyfriend/girlfriend it’s a holiday or a wedding or Valentine’s Day or some other special occasion and no one gets bored.

Other than that, long-distance relationships are torturous. (Wait…aside from the fact that you only need to shave your legs every 28 days. FREEDOM!!!)

Um, moving on.

Anyway, that means these once-a-month get-togethers are a big effing deal...and can be devastating when things like airline connections or last minute work commitments get in the way of the two-day bliss.

Because, who’s going to be my date to that wedding????

And, waaaaah, I’ve been lonely for a whole month!!!

And why did I spend all this time shaving my legs??

Even more devastating? When your long-distance boyfriend/girlfriend decides not to come visit you from out of town and leaves you hanging…on purpose. In the eleventh hour.

And makes it obvious by being a terrible liar about it.

So was the case with my friend Brittany, who had a long-distance relationship with Alan, who lived five hours away in Atlanta.

They had dated in high school then reconnected after college and were half a year into a long-distance relationship. On their monthly meet-up on the July 4 weekend, Brittany bought them both tickets to see a Dave Matthews Band concert in her city.

“It'll be fun, there's going to be fireworks and everything!” she told him. Alan said that sounded great and he let her spend $55 on his ticket.

Brittany called him when she woke up the day of the concert.

“I can’t wait to see you!” she said. “How far are you?”

“Oh…I haven’t left,” Alan said. “I went to my car this morning and I have two flat tires.”

“What?!” Brittany asked. “TWO?”

She looked at the time. Alan had exactly ONE HOUR to leave Atlanta in order to get to her, and to Dave Matthews on time.

“Well, can’t you bring it in and get new tires?” she asked.

“No, the shops are all closed because it’s a holiday,” he said, and she believed him.

“Well, what about renting a car?” she asked, still hopeful that her date would come through. “You can still make it!”

“LOOK!” he said. “I can’t just very well leave my car here with three flat tires!” he said.

“THREE? You said TWO!” Brittany said.

“Well, I just looked again.”

“WHAT?”

Alan then told her that he wasn’t going to make it at all -- and wasn’t even going to try.

Not only was he "super upset” about his mysterious THREE flat tires, but he then added that he didn’t feel like boarding his dog and didn’t want to ask his roommate to feed him.

She was starting to think that he had decided way before that day that he wasn't coming to visit at all.

And that’s how Brittany ended up sad and alone on July 4, awkwardly trying to sell a Dave Matthews Band ticket outside the gate like some sort of drug dealer.
No one bought it.

Not surprisingly, Alan ended it a few days later, saying it was just “too hard” for him – AND HIS CAR - to justify the long-distance relationship.

Brittany was pissed and made him send her money for the concert ticket.

Because, damn, razors aren’t cheap.

-Jenny