Thursday, February 14, 2013

Valentine’s Day gifts that sound lame but aren’t

I once had a roommate whose boyfriend of years and years got her an alarm clock for Valentine’s Day. 

They got into a big fight about it, haha, because not only is an alarm clock the least romantic gift, ever, but she already had a perfectly good alarm clock. 

No one needs two alarm clocks. (No one really even needs one alarm clock…thanks iPhone.)

Anyway. No alarm clocks. 

But that’s not to say that functional gifts for Valentine’s Day are lame. Not to me, anyway. 
Besides, I don’t think guys are normally good at picking out jewelry.

Below is a list of what I think are perfectly good Valentine’s Day gifts, things that she will use even when if you break up and be like, yea…Toby got this for me for Valentine’s Day….man, I miss that guy…

1.) Awesome sneaks. Sneakers are useful all the time and last for years, and she’ll think about you every time she pounds the pavement. 
If you want to spring for red or pink for Valentine’s Day, that’s even cuter. 

2.) Countertop dishwasher. You know what sucks more than not having a washer and dryer to wash clothes? Not having a dishwasher!  
And if you spend a lot of time at your significant other’s house, YOU've more than likely gotten stuck doing the dishes!  
Throw some money at the problem and get them a super cute tabletop dishwasher!!! This one is the cutest I’ve ever seen and attaches right into the sink spout:

3.) SCOOTER DAY!!! Living Social has a Groupon (New Orleans people) for $35 to rent a scooter for 24 hours and it comes with a helmet and basic insurance. I rented one a month or so ago, and it was the most exhilarating fun I’ve had outside of a roller coaster. Pack a lunch and scoot out somewhere far away because it’s like 300 miles to the gallon on those babies!!!! 
vroom vroom

4.) PAJAMAS. The warm kind, you know, the soft pants that are cashmere or whatever material they make North Face jackets out of. Throw in some socks, too, and your love will look forward to coming home every winter day and putting them on.  (I still have socks my mom gave me for Valentine’s Day years ago, they are my most regular article of clothing. THANKS MA)

5.) Board a bitch. Uhhhhh I mean a dog. A female dog. Give your pet-owning significant other a weekend or day-long boarding credit at a doggie daycare (I think they take those, yea?) and then you can just up-n-take off for the weekend or have a dog-free Mardi Gras and be like, “Yo, Fido’s taken care of babe. Happy Valentine’s Day.” 

6.) Luggage. Something in a size that will fit into your car but not allow her to pack up her entire closet. Fashion people like to call this a “weekender bag” even though that name makes me want to throw it out the window.

7.) A whole bunch of mason jars. This Southern glassware is perfect to drink anything out of and you can totally play up an accompanying card by saying you like the lip on it or something. Hahahaha 

8.) A juicer, along with seeds for a lemon or orange tree. Perhaps a strawberry bush.

9.) A star constellation map (at your local camping store) and a promise to point out each other’s "signs" at makout point, or you know, the lake. 

10.) The classic IOU notes.  The cheapest way to say I love you! I owe you a massage. I owe you dishwasher duty. I owe you a ride home when you’re out with your friends and drunk because cabs are really expensive. Ha. 
(That's honestly the only Google image for "IOU" I could find. So...odd.) 
Really, though, writing out your FEELINGS in any capacity is sweet and thoughtful and if a chick gives you a hard time about it, board that bitch.
Happy Valentine’s Day ya’ll! xoxo

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