TOOLBAG TUESDAY

Movies and TV shows have already showed common lines men use to gain sympathy and/or get what they want.

“This is my last day on Earth.”

“I’m going to die tomorrow.”

“You don’t want to die a virgin do you?”

It’s always an ultimate, I’m-leaving-forever-and-this-is-your-last-chance plea. DON’T RESIST TEMPTATION! YOU MAY NOT GET ANOTHER CHANCE!

I’d be more swayed if guys who used these lines in real life were actually telling the truth.

Take Todd, for example. He and my friend Alice dated in high school, but they broke up and he immediately stared dating Alice’s best friend.

Furious, Alice yelled at him, and his response in typical high fashion was, “You know, in a perfect world, I could date BOTH of you.” (ugh)

When things fizzled with the friend, Todd came running back to Alice, who refused to see him again.

Todd apologized, he begged to take her to him back, he told her that he missed her so much he couldn’t stand it. But she wasn’t budging.

Then he pulled out a trump card.

“My ROTC class is going to Iraq for 48 hours for a special mission,” Todd said. “And I might be killed.”

Alice didn’t say anything for a minute. He...could be killed?

She had seen footage of soldiers heading overseas to Iraq, and it was very, very sad. She had no idea that high school ROTC classes were now being sent for “48-hour special missions” to the country.

This was right after 9/11, and Alice softened up a bit. Then she talked to her parents about it.

“You can’t even GET to Iraq in 48 hours,” her parents told her matter-of-factly. “No, the army is not sending an ROTC class of 16-year-old boys to Iraq.”

Alice called Todd back and repeated the lack of logic in his story.

Yet he stood firm that he and his fellow junior ROTC soldiers-in-training were packing duffel bags and big, black boots at that moment.

In addition to the fact that he was lying about a “48 hour special mission” (I mean, really, what were they gonna do, pop each other’s zits in the direction of the enemy??) it was especially annoying that his fateful trip was supposed to make up for his previous bad behavior.

Oh, you’re going to Iraq? Well, then I forgive you for dating my best friend. And fantasizing about dating the both of us.

Alice didn’t buy his story and they stopped talking altogether -- even when she really, really, really felt like calling him during the “48 hour special mission trip” to ask why he was still in the New Orleans time zone.

She considered throwing MRE meals at his house.

-Jenny