Tuesday, December 22, 2015

TOOLBAG TUESDAY

Important announcement: There is never an appropriate time to announce to your ex via text message that you are hooking up with someone else.

Is this not common sense? 

I feel like this should be included in the “All I ever needed to know I learned in kindergarten” posters.

DON’T ANNOUNCE TO YOUR EX THAT YOU’RE HOOKING UP WITH SOMEONE ELSE OVER TEXT MESSAGE.

We’re supposed to be in our 30s people!!!!

And...(insert Donald Trump voice): Isn’t that more of a chick thing to do???

(Hey, I didn’t say it. Donald Trump said it.)

But, as it turns out, 30-something guys are committing this crime. 

Specifically Chris, a guy my friend Blair dated and lived with, for almost a year.

Chris decided that the most reasonable way to tell Blair that he had found someone else...you know, A WEEK AFTER they broke up...was with this thoughtful text:

"Something great happened...I hope you're okay with it."

LOL

LOL

Blair and Chris first met in college and then reconnected after graduation. They dated for about six months and then Chris moved in. 

Everything was going great until Blair got laid off and couldn’t find a job in their college town. 

She said she was tired of the city, and mulled over the idea of moving across the country to a bigger city, to be closer to her family.

“You can come with me!” she offered. 

Chris said no, he loved his job and his family was there.

So it was settled....awkwardly.

She decided to move and tried to make their...errr...situation as nice as possible for him...even telling him he didn’t have to pay rent for the remaining TWO months before she left.

Blair said Chris was seemingly supportive of her new life until one week until her move date when he officially broke up with her and moved back in with his parents. 

LOL

Blair said she understood, and they agreed to stay in touch and be friends (Ed note: LOL) and they were still talking and texting like everything was normal until exactly ONE WEEK into her living in a new city.

Blair’s bags weren’t even unpacked.

"Something great happened...I hope you're okay with it,” Chris texted.

???

Of course she’d be OK with something great happening!

Was he going to join her in the big city? Did he win the lottery???

No.

“I met someone fantastic,” Chris wrote.

!!!!!!!!!

HAHAHAHAHA

Blair said Chris went on and on about this new girl he met... uhhhh.... “and then he didn’t understand why I wasn’t excited for him,” Blair said.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

He really expected her to be excited for him?
Hahahahahaha

What the hell is wrong with this guy?
Why couldn’t he have just said, “I’m moving on, don’t contact me?”

Why is he making her envision him with a “fantastic” hookup?

AND WHY IS HE UPLOADING PICTURES OF THEM TO FACEBOOK????


LOL

This is beyond kindergarten.

No posters can help him.

-Jenny

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