Tuesday, February 11, 2014

TOOLBAG TUESDAY

I heard the most amazing story this weekend from my friend Drea about the most uncomfortable date she’s ever been on, and I’d like it be a public service announcement for a lesson in problem-solving.

Yes! Problem-solving!

Because Ryan had problems, ya’ll.

Drea and Ryan are both in their mid-30s and met while watching the Superbowl at a trendy bar. They got each other’s emails (no clue haha )and started emailing each other at work during the day 

(Ed note: Work email messages! Such a lost art.)   

Their emails were very cute and funny and Drea was excited when Ryan asked her out for that Saturday night. He said there was a Mediterranean restaurant that had amazing lamb kabobs and she had to try them.

Drea immediately said yes; she hadn’t been on a date in a long time and was really excited about the prospect.

They agreed to meet at the restaurant and when Drea arrived, Ryan said he already put his name in for a table. They sat the bar and ordered pre-dinner cocktails.

Drea said Ryan wasn’t as cute as she remembered but still gave it 110 percent.

They were at the bar for a good 45 minutes and no one had come up to them about their table.

“Are…you sure they know you’re sitting at the bar?” Drea asked.

“Yes,” Ryan said, although he had not told a hostess they were sitting at the bar.

After 45 MINUTES (45 minutes!!! Making small talk while STARVING), Drea finally told him she was really hungry and maybe they could order a little appetizer in the meantime.

He shifted uncomfortably and asked the bartender for menus.

“So…what are you in the mood for?” Drea asked Ryan as they perused the menu.

“Oh. Nothing. I’m not hungry,” Ryan said.

Uhhhhhhhhhhh

“What? What do you mean you’re not hungry?” Drea asked.

“Oh, I ate before I came,” he said.

Uhhhhhhhhhhhh

“So, I’m just supposed to eat by myself while you…watch me?” Drea asked.

"Maybe I'll have a bite," he said.

Uhhhhhhhhhhhhh

What guy asks a girl out to dinner and then DOESN’T eat dinner??!?

(Answer: One with problems.)

Drea was not amused. So far she had been disappointed by Ryan, it was now creeping up on an HOUR past dinnertime and he didn’t seem to care at all. The hostess still hadn’t come up to them.

Drea then told Ryan they should just stay sitting at the bar and order dinner so it doesn’t look as “weird” with her eating solo.

(“Can you imagine if we had actually sat down at a table and ordered one dish on a Saturday night???” Drea recalls. “The server would have flipped out.”)

Drea stared longingly at the appetizers on the menu that she thought they could split, a hummus dip, maybe some BABAGANOUSH, but since Ryan WASN’T HUNGRY, she politely ordered the $15 lamb kabob. By itself.

“You said it was delicious right?” she asked.

She was still starving.

Ryan ordered them another round of drinks and then the one, single dish arrived. 

The ONE dish placed in front of Drea while Ryan sat there…watching her eat.

“Do you want an extra plate maybe?” she asked, feeling like a glutton.

Now, I’ve never eaten by myself on a dinner date, so I don’t know this uncomfortable-ness, but Drea said she kept wanting to do the small-talk like, how’s your meal? And trading samples and stuff.

This situation cut into that dynamic and she said she ended up eating alone, not talking because she was trying to chew.

Ryan didn’t seem fazed or apologetic. 
Or anything

(Thankfully, the lamb was delicious.)

Drea then excused herself to go to the bathroom and called her best friend to say that she’s going to try and cut the date short and stop at Taco Bell on the way home because she was still hungry.

When she returned to the table bar, the bartender asked them if they wanted another round and even though Drea could use a vodka or 50, Ryan immediately said they were “good.”

“Ok, well…um…do you…want to go somewhere else?” Drea asked, already coming up with a reason why she wasn’t going to be able to do that.

“...Or…do you want to call it a night?”she offered.

“Well,” Ryan said. “First I’ll have to see how much my tab here is.”

!!!!!!!!!!!

HAHAHAHAHAAHAHA

MONEY PROBLEMS!!!

...Which is why he didn’t order any dinner???

“Oh,” Drea said, feeling completely mortified.

What, did I just spend his last $40???  she thought. Is he going to be eating Ramen noodles for the rest of the week now?

It was odd. Odd, odd, odd, especially considering that Ryan had a very good job, one that she KNOWS pays more than her own salary and she could afford a $15 kabob. 

Mortified and feeling supremely guilty about eating all of his lunch money, Ryan looked at the bill and then confirmed, “Yea, I don’t have any money to go anywhere else after this.”

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

DUDE!!! 

PLAY THAT SHIT OFF!!!!

Girls don’t want to hear that you’re broke, even less that you’re THAT broke. 

Especially not on a first date.

Now here’s where the problem-solving comes into play.

If you have MONEY problems (and maybe they were unexpected money problems, I don’t know) change date plans from dinner to lunch.

And make lunch a picnic in the park.

Or postpone for a week! Damn.

SOLVE THE PROBLEM!!

Don’t ASK A GIRL OUT TO DINNER, AND THEN NOT EAT DINNER. 

(You’d think this was common sense.)

I mean, dinner was HIS idea. It wasn’t like she insisted they go to a pre-fixed $75 a person dinner and he was blindsided.

HIS idea to go to this very mid-priced restaurant on a Saturday night! 

HIS IDEA TO SPECIFICALLY ORDER THE $15 LAMB KABOB!!

And he somehow finds it OK to not order food without explanation, let his date know that she spent his last $35 and then let her know he’s so broke he can’t even afford a beer now. 

Yea

Ryan’s got problems.

...And an F minus in dating.

After thanking him profusely, Drea then insisted she take a cab home rather than have Ryan drive her (GAS IS EXPENSIVE AFTER ALL) and hahahahahahaha

She ended up spending $30 on the cab, more than her entire dinner cost.

But Drea said it was worth it, because she didn’t want to be around Ryan for one more minute after that.

So, she solved the problem.

-Jenny 

1 comment:

  1. Gosh! This sounds like a college student not someone in their mid thirties! Grrrr.

    ReplyDelete

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