Tuesday, January 7, 2014

TOOLBAG TUESDAY

When I was in sixth grade, I got my mom to yell at the people at Delia*s online catalog over the phone because they wouldn’t honor the $19.99 jean jacket price that was clearly printed on the page.

“That clearance is over,” the woman said. “The jacket is back to the original price of $40.” 


"Over??" I asked. "I just got this catalog a few days ago!"

I didn’t have any more allowance money to give to my mom in exchange for her credit card to buy it, so like any good sixth grader, I put my mom on the phone to fix it. 

She said adult words like “there's no expiration date,” and “taking advantage of these elementary school kids,” and done. 

She got that jacket for $19.99 (plus shipping).


NEGOTIATION!!! 

It’s kind of funny to remember that story after hearing about this handyman guy, Brad, who did sort of the same thing, only…he’s... 35 years old. 


And instead of Delia*s who got yelled at, it was my friend Lauren who got yelled at over their AGREED UPON price of him installing a new door in her house. 


Yelled at!!!

By...his dad.


Hahahahahahaha

No, for real.

This only works if you’re in the sixth grade!  


And…if you are, indeed, getting hosed. 

Neither was the case here.


Lauren needed someone to install a new back door after grubby thieves broke into her house when she was on vacation. 


Been there. Ugh.

Scared, pissed and now broke, Lauren was looking for an inexpensive way to replace her things and doors (Homeownership!! F yea!!!) when a mutual friend suggested Brad.


“He’s a handyman! He’s my Facebook friend! Give him a call!”


Lauren said she called Lowe’s first to see how much it would cost to buy a door and have professionals install it. She then called Brad and told him that if he could do the work for $50 cheaper, she’d use him. 


That’s seems pretty fair, right?!??


Brad accepted the offer, BECAUSE IT WAS FAIR, but Lauren said she spent all that Saturday raising one damn eyebrow because it took him SIX HOURS to install a door. 


“It was six hours, I kid you not,” she said, recalling that she wasn’t able to leave the house until he was done.


The people at Lowe’s promised they could install it within an hour. 


Clearly, Brad was an idiot fraud. 


Lauren asked him if he was OK, if he needed a hammer or something to help with the process, but he just grunted and said he was “still working on it.” 


Mosquitoes were now getting in the house. 


Lauren almost died when she saw a strange car pull into her driveway. WERE THE THEIVES BACK?? But that’s when Brad said casually, “Oh, yea, that’s just my dad. I called him to help me.” 


HIS DAD?!?!?


Lauren wasn’t entirely comfortable having two male strangers in her house, but she wanted the door to be done. So she offered the men both glasses of water as they were on their hands and knees trying to finish the installation. 


Finally, after over seven hours of being inconvenienced, the new back door was finished (and to be honest, quite sloppy work). 


Lauren rolled her eyes as she went to get her purse to pay the fraud, when she said his father CORNERED her in the next room.


“Why are you low-balling my son??” he asked. 


HAHAHAHAHAHAHA


Lauren, who was already on edge about the robbery, didn’t appreciate this surprise attack in her own living room. 


First of all, she was paying him hundreds of dollars for this. And how was this DAD'S business?? 

“This was the agreed upon price,” Lauren said. 


“Yea, well, he’s been here for SEVEN hours!” the father said, completely overlooking the fact that the reason for that was his son’s incompetence. “How much does that work out to per hour???”


HAHAHAHAHAHA


(ED NOTE: “WHY ARE YOU TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY ELEMENTARY SCHOOL KID?!?!?”)


No seriously. This happened. 

Dad came in to negotiate for his incompetent son by yelling about low-balling while his son clearly lacked any balls at all.

Lauren replied quite perfectly: “Look, it’s not my fault that he took this long, or that he had to call YOU to help, but this is all the money I’m giving him for the job.”


(Now that I think about it, Brad should have paid HER for the inconvenience.)


Lauren was so furious, she walked into the room, threw the money at Brad and didn’t say a word more until they both left. 


She said his dad protested again, this time in front of his son, ("I can't BELIEVE you charged this little, son") but Brad told him to stop and got embarrassed, like when your parents drop you off at a school dance. 


…In the sixth grade. 


HAHAHAHAHAHAHA


-Jenny

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