TOOLBAG TUESDAY

OK, I found it. I found the worst possible thing you can hear from your husband after you have your first baby.

“I’m in love with a North Korean woman.”

(Oh, and you’re white.)

This is what happened to Lauren, my friend's friend, who made the mistake of marrying Paul.

Paul and Lauren were high school sweethearts and were each other’s one and only. When Paul signed up for the military, they quickly eloped and officially planned their lives together.

Lauren got pregnant pretty quickly after that, but then Paul had to be deployed to…North Korea. For a year.

It was devastating that he wouldn’t be there during her pregnancy to lift the heavy things and tell her she was pretty.

But so is life as a military wife, so she kissed him goodbye and told him that when he got back, the baby would be born!!!

They emailed as often as they could and Lauren was under the impression that everything would be the same when he returned.

But NO. 

Paul returned after his stint to tell her that he fell in love with a North Korean woman overseas.

...In the same conversation as telling his son “hi” for the first time.

Jesus.

“You’re in love with WHO?” Lauren asked. "What? Where? How? When?"

All the common questions.

Paul said he couldn’t help himself. 
It was lonely over there. 
They had been pen pals for a while (Ed note: WTF?) and it turned into a relationship.

“So what, are you going to move back to North Korea?” Lauren asked, devastated.

“No,” he said.

???

“So…what? Are you going to date her long-distance now?”

“No,” he said.

WHAT?!???

NO??

So, this news was just an F.Y.I.???

It was confusing. This North Korean woman was so important that she came between them, but not worth his continued passion?

Lauren thought maybe Paul wanted to work things out with HER, and just had a guilty conscience about this other woman, but NO.

NO AGAIN.

Paul said these straying feelings means that OBVIOUSLY he doesn’t have feelings for Lauren anymore. 

He has feelings for foreign chicks.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FOREIGN CHICKS!!!!

He abroadened his mind!!

Lauren then had to see Paul date – and fall in love with – women of all backgrounds as she lived her life as a single American.

Ugh.

How do you say ‘shithead’ in five languages?

-Jenny