Tuesday, October 1, 2013

TOOLBAG TUESDAY

I've often said I wish I was a cat. 

I love taking afternoon naps, getting back massages and swatting at asshole dogs.

But what I DON'T love is when things are dangled in front of my face. 

(Well...other than piñatas.) 

Dangling things in someone's face - or more specifically, over someone's head - sucks. 

It's a sneaky form of a power trip, and there's nothing more unattractive to me than someone on a power trip.

This was the most annoying thing about dating Liam last summer: I was invited, and then uninvited, to a fancy party three times. 

Liam and I had the same career path and he was going to a fancy INDUSTRY gala that I was too low on the totem poll to even know about. 

One of the first times I met up with Liam, he said he was going and I put on my jealous face and he asked if I'd like to go with him. 

DUH!!!!!

I was super excited about it, and wondered what I'd wear, acting as if I was going to see a celebrity there.

But then Liam got drunk two days later and got mad at me for something I can't remember. 

Oh, wait. He got mad that I was complaining about getting rained on. (Can't help it, I'm SUGAR.)

"YOU KNOW WHAT?" he said loudly. "YOU CAN JUST FORGET ABOUT THE GALA!"

hahahahahahahaha

Seriously. Just like that.

I laugh now, but at the time that really sucked. (Side note: why am I always dating the meanest guys ever???) 

I thought that Liam's announcement about the gala meant that we were no longer seeing each other, and went home sad and confused. 

The next day, however, Liam called acting as if nothing had happened.

"Ummm…do you remember our fight last night?" I cautiously asked. 

"Sort of..." Liam said.

"Well, you got really pissed at me and UNinvited me to the gala."

"Oh, I'm sorry," he said. "You still want to go right?"

DUH!!!

Yes, it was MY bad to continue to see Liam after that, but I gave him the benefit of the doubt. (D'oh!)

Because the next weekend, I somehow pissed him off again. 

He left me by myself at a bar to sit with a bunch of chicks I didn't know at their booth. (c-o-o-l)

Which should have pissed ME off, but I didn't really care because I was watching the band play and believed him when he said they were "old friends." 

But then I was ready to go and he was still sitting with the chicks so I told him BYE and got a ride home from a friend. 

"You just LEFT me!!?" he said when he called my cell phone 15 minutes later.

"Yea."

"YEA??? YOU'RE JUST LEAVING ME PLACES?? (Ed note: we walked there from his house. He was hardly stranded.)

"Well...you were talking to those girls," I said.

"YOU KNOW WHAT??? YOU CAN JUST FORGET ABOUT THE GALA!!!" he yelled.

hahahahahahahahaha

It really was the only thing he could use. 

"BIG F*CKING DEAL!" I finally snapped, much like a cat when they suddenly decide they've had enough of you. "I don't WANT to go if you're going to keep holding it over my head!"

The next day, however, as we talked sober, I literally had déjà vu.

"Do you remember our fight last night?" I asked.

"Sort of..."

"You got really pissed and UNinvited me to the gala...again."

"Oh, I'm sorry," he said. "You still want to go right?"

hahahahahahahaha

I realized this would be the ongoing pattern if we remained together. It's just the kind of person he was.

He'd always hold shit over my head - a vacation, a trip to the zoo, probably even CHRISTMAS

And then, if we got serious and got married and lived together he'd probably hold money over my head too. 

"YOU KNOW WHAT?? YOU CAN JUST FOGET ABOUT THE MORTGAGE!!!" 

Gross.

It had to end. 

That's no way to live one, or nine, lives.

-Jenny

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