TOOLBAG TUESDAY

I bet there are a lot of guys excited about quarantine dating for the simple fact that they don’t have to pay for a first date.

LOL

(Baller move: Getting restaurant delivery to a girl’s house, and then having a zoom date.)

But let’s be real. No guy is doing that.

It’s hard enough to get a guy to pay for half your happy hour-priced tacos.

There are several ways guys justify this cheap dating behavior, many of which I’ve written about:

-“Girls just meet guys online to get a ‘free dinner’ and I just want to make sure you’re not one of them.”

-“I lost my debit card a week ago when I was drunk so I don’t have any money.” (Read more)

-“Don’t women want to be treated equal??” (Read more)

LOL

(The last one is my personal favorite.)

The thing about these excuses is that—while they are all hilariously bad—they reek of an element of “I would pay but…”

Like, I would pay but I want to make sure you’re not one of those gold-digging b*tches who is only in this for a free half a pizza!

Or, I would pay if I wasn’t a drunk mess.

I would pay, but feminism.

LOL

But there are other guys who don’t even pretend to have a reason to be cheap.

Full on honesty!

Take Anthony, this guy my friend Lacy met online and met up with pre-quarantine at a bowling alley.

(OMG I DIDN’T EVEN KNOW I MISSED BOWLING ALLEYS UNTIL JUST NOW)

It was a seemingly adorable and creative first date.

It was at one of those hip bowling alley/bar combinations that was open really late and a fun scene.

So when Anthony asked Lacy if she wanted to meet him at 10 pm for their date, it didn’t seem unusual to meet up so late.

That’s when the alley started going!!! This guy was COOL.

Lacy arrived about 15 minutes early and saw Anthony at the bar. Brown hair, red shirt. Not as cute as his online picture, but cute enough.

They had their awkward hellos and Lacy was excited to get to bowling to break the ice.
Anthony hesitated.

“Well...let’s have a drink at the bar first,” Anthony said.

“Oh, we can drink while we bowl,” Lacy said, having been there before. “Servers come around, actually.”

Anthony hesitated again.

“Well...it’s ladies night at 10 pm so I’d like to wait until then, so you can bowl for free and I don’t have to pay for you,” he said.

SO I DON'T HAVE TO PAY FOR YOU!

“Seriously?” Lacy asked.

Anthony then laughed about being a “cheapskate.”

That’s why he wanted to meet up so late! Not to have a cool scene, but so he could get out of paying for her!

GUTTER BALL!

The bright side is, Lacy didn’t even have to remove her shoes before ending the date.

This is the kind of guy who makes you want to be in quarantine.

-Jenny