TOOLBAG TUESDAY

My friend Renee has this ongoing problem with a guy she broke up with months ago about him going around town telling other guys “not to mess with her.”

No, he’s not in high school. 

He’s almost 40.

Riight.

Normally, this would simply be an eye-roll situation, but Leon and Renee both live in a small town where this type of warning gets around quickly.

And Renee, who is very interested in meeting someone who doesn’t act like he's in high school, said she began to notice all these cute, available guys suddenly become really stand-offish with her.

When one particularly cute guy Renee had been flirting with for weeks walked right by her one evening with barely a nod, she asked a mutual friend to get information.

“Oh...yea, Leon told me to stay away from her,” the cute guy said. “And I’m not trying to get involved with drama.”

!!!!!!!

Hello!!!!

Neither was Renee!

“Stop telling other guys to stay away from me!” Renee shouted on the phone to Leon. “What are you doing? ‘Marking your territory??' We broke up!”

Leon denied doing or saying anything, which was beyond frustrating since, at that point, a handful of other guys in town told a similar story with a similar warning.

WTF!

I know. It seems weird that Leon seemed to have so much influence over other guys in their teeny tiny town. 

I mean, wouldn’t guys think Renee was MORE desirable for being “off-limits?”

Don’t guys like to be competitive like that?

Well...no. Not when they’re GROSSED OUT.

Because AFTER Renee yelled at him for scaring away guys, Leon went a step further. 

He actually walked into the most popular bar in town one night and ANNOUNCED, “Yea, I’m still wearing my work clothes even though it’s 9 at night because I was at RENEE’S HOUSE having SEX with her ALL AFTERNOON AND ALL EVENING! 

Newsflash: No he wasn’t.

"Haven’t gotten home to change.”

OMG.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

How mortifying! How disrespectful!

So now, all the young, hot guys at the bar now had the mental image of Leon and Renee...um...together. 

ALL EVENING.

Ugh.

No less than five guys in town reported the “ALL AFTERNOON, ALL EVENING!” story back to Renee.

“It’s not true!” Renee kept saying. “We’ve been broken up for months! I don’t know why he’s doing this!”

It was a good question.

I mean really, WHO DOES THAT???

First of all, it wasn’t true, so he was lie-sabotaging her. 

Second, don’t guys leave that gross bragging in the high school locker room??

He’s ALMOST 40.

But even if it was true, who walks into a bar and loudly announces they’ve been hooking up with someone for the past six hours? 

Announces that to strangers???? 

NO ONE ASKED.

Ugh.

Stuff him in a locker.

-Jenny