TOOLBAG TUESDAY

I love when an “F U” idea blows up in a person’s face.

It’s hilarious.

It's like stepping on your own flaming bag of dog poo.

SUCKKKA!!! (insert made up gang sign) THAT’S WHAT YOU GET! 

...A SHOE-FULL OF POO.

Charles, this shithead who dated my friend Ashley, thought he had a great “F U” idea for her.

They had a son together and were in a nasty custody battle over him. Despite Charles moving 500 miles away from Ashley (and New Orleans), he wanted their son full-time.

But he couldn’t find anything damning about Ashley not being fit for motherhood, so Charles came up with what he thought was a great idea. 

He mandated that Ashley take drug tests whenever he snapped his finger.

!!!!!!!!!!

That'll get her, he thought.

(Ya’ll. This actually exists.) 

“How about THAT!!?” Charles snarled when Ashley called him about it.

“You DO know this applies to YOU TOO, right?” Ashley retorted. 

“I can make YOU to take a drug test whenever I want, too.”

Charles was too busy cackling about the whole thing to listen.

The next day (obviously the next day) Charles invoked his new power and ordered Ashely to take a drug test.

“FINE,” She said.

Ashley calmly re-arranged her schedule and took time off work to go to a licensed clinic and get the test.

PASSED. 

Flying colors.

“I’M GOING TO NEED YOU TO DO ANOTHER ONE!” Charles demanded the next month.

Ashley was annoyed.

“Why?”

“BECAUSE I SAID SO!” he yelled.

Again she showed up to do the test and passed.

It was now his turn.

Ashley sent the request; he had 24 hours to comply.

But Charles decided that he wasn’t going to take a drug test, and ignored it.

...AND THEN SKIPPED TOWN.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FOR GOOD.

YA’LL!!!!!!!! 

HE'S GONE!!!!! 

ACTUALLY GONE!!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

HE RAN AWAY FROM THE DRUG TEST!!!!!

Hahahahaha

SUCKKA!!!!!

Yes, because of HIS great idea, 24 hours a day there are people trying to find him and serve him papers for contempt of court.

If he’s pulled over by a cop and identified, he’s going to jail.

Hahahahahahahahaha

IN YO FACE!!!

(Also: good luck getting custody of your kid when you’re a fugitive, idiot.)

Yet, right when Ashley was feeling satisfied with how this all went down, she got an email.

From Charles’ dad.

“We’re going to need you to go ahead and take another drug test,” he wrote.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

WTF!!!?

(ED. NOTE: TWO TOOLBAGS!! What father backs his fugitive son like that???)

TWO SHOE-FULLS OF POO!!!!!!!!

Ashley’s lawyer responded that she’s NOT taking another drug test until Charles takes the one she ordered for him five months ago.

Or, at the very least, until he SHOWS BACK UP IN SOCIETY.

I MEAN, WTF!?!!!!

On what planet is it OK to ask your ex to take a drug test when you refuse to do one yourself and are now hiding out from law enforcement somewhere?

GAW.

Delusion. 

Now THAT'S one hell of a drug.

-Jenny