I always find it
hilarious when guys think chicks don't know how a cell phone works.
"Oh, babe, I didn't get your text about
coming over and helping you move."
"Really? Then why did it tell me the exact TIME
you read it???"
With all the advances in
cell phone technology and a new iPhone being released every six minutes, none of
the old cell phone excuses work anymore.
I’m pretty sure you can even
get reception in a tunnel.
Today's smartphones make it very hard to lie. Just ask Randy.
Randy is this guy my
friend Georgia dated this past summer who lied about why he was deleting text
messages on his iPhone, and used the oldest excuse in the book.
Well, old like an excuse from 2002.
Georgia and Randy were
friends first and then started dating and hit their four-month mark when they
went on their first trip together, to Chicago.
Randy was co-hosting a
technology smartphone APP award convention thing (geek) (no, actually impressive) and Georgia was there as his date.
She said it wasn't the
dream trip she expected, since Randy didn't seem to appreciate her being there
and made no reservations anywhere nor had any plans for them other than to watch
bad TV in the hotel room.
She said he also let her
pay the bill on their one Chicago dinner date, even though she paid for her own
plane ticket to be there with him.
Ugh.
So, that was already strike
1, 2, and 2-and-a-half against Randy.
The next morning, they
were catching an early plane out of Chicago and Georgia fell asleep in the cab
on Randy's shoulder…with her iPhone in her lap.
There was traffic and
they were running late and when Georgia was woken up with a start, she got her
bags and got out of the cab immediately without thinking about her iPhone that
slipped off her lap into the cab. Or onto the sidewalk.
Of course, she didn't
realize her phone was missing until they had gotten through security and were
waiting at the gate.
Georgia needed to call her dad since it was Father's Day and dug through her purse,
panicked.
"WHERE IS IT??" she yelled into her purse.
"I remember it was
on your lap in the cab," Randy said. "It must have dropped."
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK
"Well, can I use
your phone then?" Georgia said. "I need to call my dad."
Georgia, who travels for
work a lot, was upgraded to First Class and she was hoping she could take
Randy's phone with her to her seat and use it during the 20 minutes or so it
takes everyone else to board.
"I'll give it back to you when you pass me
to get to COACH," she said, and would
have laughed at that, had her own phone not been lost.
"Errr, well…"
Randy said, hesitating.
Really.
He HESITATED.
Georgia said he
then began frantically scrolling through his text messages, DELETING THEM, pretty much right in front of her face.
"What are you
doing?? Are you deleting messages??"
Georgia asked.
"No!" Randy
said. "I'm…checking on something."
Georgia wasn't an idiot, or blind, and had an iPhone so she knew what the
messages screen looked like and knew what the red MINUS signs next to text messages mean, it means they're on the
chopping block to be deleted.
There were several
problems with this situation.
First of all, what exactly
did he not want her to read??
Second of all, what made him think she'd even look
through his phone???
Assuming that a significant other is going to look through
your phone unprompted is the kind of paranoia that only comes from someone who has a bunch
of shit to hide.
Georgia was incensed.
"YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU
JUST TAKE CARE OF WHATEVER YOU NEED TO," she said sarcastically.
She then walked into First Class, fuming, planning her breakup speech.
Randy passed her seat a
few minutes later, when the commoners were allowed to board, and handed her his
phone.
"Here," he
said. "Make all the calls you need."
Haha Eye roll.
Georgia took the phone
without looking at him and called her dad, but after five minutes, the flight
attendants told everyone to turn everything off.
She squeezed his phone in her fist
in anger for the rest of the two-hour flight.
When the plane landed, First
Class got off first, and Georgia thought about leaving the airport and not
waiting for Randy at all, but she still had his phone and wanted to hear an
explanation.
He met her a few minutes
later and they walked silently to the parking garage where they had driven
separately.
That's when Randy used the
classic excuse from 2002.
"Look," he said. "I had to delete a bunch of
messages because my memory is full, and I can't get new text messages unless I
delete old ones."
Hahahahahahahaha
Ahahahahahahahaha
Did he forget that
Georgia ALSO had an iPhone?
Or that no
one who has ever had an iPhone has EVER had that problem?
She's not trying to take a picture with the phone, Randy.
Georgia was offended.
"THIS IS THE EXCUSE
YOU CAME UP WITH AFTER THINKING ABOUT IT FOR TWO HOURS?" she demanded. "THIS ENTIRE PLANE RIDE, THAT'S ALL
YOU COULD COME UP WITH???"
hahahaha
She has a point. I can
think of a ton of better excuses for having to suddenly delete text messages in
front of my significant other before handing over my phone.
Ohhh, babe, I
didn't want you reading messages about the surprise birthday party I'm throwing you! Woah, totally busted!
Or
"I was texting
(insert friend’s name) about why one of his balls is suddenly way bigger than
the other and I didn’t want to embarrass him.”
But no.
Randy, a TECH APP SMARTPHONE PROFESSIONAL, decided to instead lie about the features of the phone.
Dumbass.
He didn’t have a response to Georgia’s question about the amount of effort he put
into his lame-ass excuse.
Just
silence.
And silence again when she told him it was over.
Like
cell phone reception in a tunnel...
In
2002.
-Jenny
