TOOLBAG TUESDAY

There comes a point in your mid-twenties where checking for an engagement ring on people you think are hot is part of your going-out routine.

It’s much easier for guys to notice a girl’s ring since it’s so blingy and you get more chances to see it because girls use their hands to talk and touch their faces more.

It’s harder to ring check a guy because 1.) the wedding band is usually very subdued and 2.) many men have embraced jewelry so it’s hard to tell if it’s a wedding ring or something else like a family heirloom or something they bought in Europe to look cool.

(My dorm roommate gave me a “Survival guide: dating and sex” book for Christmas one year and they had an entire chapter on how to tell if your guy is secretly married: Check out his ring finger for a tan line or indentation.)

My twin sister Joy should have “tan line” and/or “indentation” -checked Peter, a guy she chatted up outside a bar where we were hearing music last weekend.

Peter was visiting New Orleans from New York for a bachelor party, and he was cute, and not wearing a ring.

All of his friends were mingling outside the bar and Joy and Peter ended up talking for almost 20 minutes.

“Man, I’ve been to so many bachelor parties,” Peter said. “All my friends are getting married. I’m going to eight weddings this year. GAW.”

“Wow. So, is your girlfriend now pressuring you to get married, too?” Joy asked playfully, probing him to see if he was single.

“Nah, we’re in the beginning stages,” Peter said.

The conversation then moved to which bachelor party was the best and what makes for a good party, blah blah, and Peter said the party he went to in South Carolina on the beach was his favorite.

“Holy shit!” Joy said. “I live ten minutes from that beach! I’m just in town visiting.”

They talked about what a small world it is and were being super flirty when one of the other guys in the bachelor party came over.

“So, I hear ya’ll did a bachelor party on the beach,” Joy said.

“Yea,” the second guy said. He pointed at Peter. “It was HIS bachelor party.”

“Wait...YOUR bachelor party?” Joy asked.

Peter laughed sheepishly. “Yea...” he said.

Then he took his wedding ring OUT OF HIS POCKET and showed it to Joy.

“I’m married.”

WTF!

“But...you...just said you were at the ‘beginning stages’ with your girlfriend....beginning stages of what? Marriage?”

Peter didn’t say anything.
His friend bolted, knowing he just busted Peter's game.

“Um, maybe we shouldn’t be talking,” Joy said.

“Yea, that’s probably a really good idea,” Peter said, stuffing the ring BACK IN HIS POCKET and walking away.

“I feel bad for his wife,” Joy fumed after all the guys walked away.

It was confusing.

Why keep the ring in his pocket at all? He should have just left it at the hotel or wherever they were staying.

Did it made him feel better that the ring was on his person?

Because it should definitely be on the finger people check before they spend 20 minutes talking and flirting with you.

And besides, stuffing tiny things in your pocket, especially while drinking, is a really easy way to lose your ring.

Also an easy way to lose your marriage.
Dumbass.

-Jenny