Interviewing Charlie

Every time I see people being interviewed on TV, I always scrutinize the TV reporter.

Were you analyzing Charlie Sheen’s crazy last night? Oh, I was looking at Andrea Canning.

I wasn’t just grading her on her line of questioning.
Rather, one of the more challenging things about being a reporter (she TV, me newspaper, it’s all the same) is your reaction during interviews.

You have to keep a straight face even if the person says something so retarded that it would be perfect on a T-shirt.

“Crack is whack” anyone??

I think Andrea deserves an A for her job last night, although her shoes deserve a D.
Hello! Is someone color blind in the wardrobe department??

It’s hard to keep your cool, especially when everyone else watching the 20/20 interview was cracking up at Charlie’s admission that he is a “winner” and that infamous rock stars are like “armless children” compared to his drug and women use.

Canning had to nod encouragingly, like “I understand. Keep talking.”
Which she did.
And he did.

(If you didn’t see the 20/20 interview last night, it’s OK, just read your friends’ Facebook status updates. It’s viral, y'all.)

But there was no laughing for Andrea. She had to react as if it made total sense when Charlie said the only drug he’s on is called “Charlie Sheen,” and taking it "would melt a normal person’s face off and your children will weep over your exploded body."

She had to be serious when interviewing his two “goddesses” -- nanny/girlfriends/former strippers who live in his house and take care of his children.

(They must have seen too much Girls Next Door growing up and regarded Charlie as some sort of Hugh Hefner. He even made a reference to Big Love, the polygymist TV show my roommate DVRs.)

Andrea asked which one sleeps with Charlie at night.
“We don’t have a set schedule,” one of them said, giggling.
Andrea nodded. I understand.

“Do you want to marry Charlie?” Andrea then asked them with a straight face.
(I would have added a BAHAHAHAHAHAHA.)

Andrea did ask some good questions about Charlie’s troubled life and the future of his TV show, and she even called him out — something I’d be too afraid to do after his admission that he has “Adonis DNA” and “tiger blood” running through his veins.

She called him out about his angry attitude.

He said the producers of the show Two and a Half Men mistake his “passion” for “anger” and that’s why they cancelled the remaining episodes of the season.

(It also may have had something to do with the drug-induced binger that a prostitute recalled first-hand on Howard Stern, which had many worried about his safety and the safety of others.)

“I’M PASSIONATE!” he said.

“But, you’re coming across as angry right now,” Andrea said.

Charlie got all bug-eyed and looked like he wanted to kill her. She sat there calmly.

But, no interviewer is perfect. Andrea got called out twice. (Hate when that happens.)

The first one was by Charlie himself (haha embarrassing) who said the “escort” he brought up to a hotel room was a liar for saying he choked her and threw a lamp at her.

“IF I HAD DONE THAT, THERE’D BE PICTURES OF HER BRUISED NECK AND I’D BE ARRESTED.” Charlie said, furrowed brow.
“READ THE POLICE REPORT! READ THE FACTS!” (oh, he totally used the F word. Haha)

Andrea didn’t have the police report, and sat there in silence.
Come on girl that’s public information! Get you a copy!

The other time, Andrea was called out by a psychiatrist, who for some reason they made watch the video of Charlie being interviewed for an informed opinion about what the EFF is wrong with him.

There was a clip of the doctor watching my favorite Charlie quote of the night: “So what if I’m bi-polar? What are they gonna do? Make me take medicine so I can be EXACTLY LIKE THEM????”

“Well, doctor?” Andrea asked. “What do you think his diagnosis is?”

“Well, I can’t diagnose someone by just watching them on TV,” he told Andrea. SNAP!

(If she was screaming “EFF YOU” to the doctor in her head, you’d never know it. She just nodded. I understand.)

But, everything else Andrea did was good, even the cliché “What would it say on your tombstone?”

I mean, does anyone EVER know what it’s going to say on their tombstone?

(I don’t remember what Charlie answered but it probably included the word “winner.”)

During the interview I envisioned what I’d ask Charlie Sheen if I somehow got to interview him for the newspaper I work for.

I would have asked about the claims the prostitute made on Howard Stern about his RIDICULOUS cocaine usage.

I’d ask him what makes for a good prostitute.

I’d ask him if he’s ever been to Mardi Gras.

I’d nod, look concerned and/or interested in what he had to say.
And I’d make sure my shoes match my outfit.

-Jenny