Barbie and the LBD

My twin sister, Joy, and I used to buy Barbie comic books.

Yes! Barbie! She had her own series! (Lots of pink ink).
Her superpowers?

Oh, just being able to accessorize a little black dress to several different events throughout the day so she's perfectly appropriate.
Oh, I’m serious. It was fascinating.

Barbie — tall, thin, perfect blonde hair— wakes up in her dream mansion and looks at her day planner in the morning.

She had “work 9 – 5” all day (where does she work? No one knows. But it is a fancy office.) And then she had a “business lunch – 12:30” (About what? No one knows.) and a “dinner date with Ken – 7”.
That Barbie is busy!!
What am I supposed to wear to do all those things in one day? Barbie questions. It was quite the crisis. She looked in her large closet for ideas.

She pulls out a classic little black dress and hangs it up in front of her.
Maybe I can wear this dress all day and accessorize it! Barbie reasons. More digging in the closet.

All I need is a scarf, a fitted blazer and a pearl necklace! (The necklace was the accessory for her date with Ken. Hahahaha. Mom, don’t ask.)

So then you see Barbie at her different events and see how perfect the scarf, blazer and necklace work.
The cartoon ended with Barbie and Ken at dinner at a fancy restaurant and Ken compliments Barbie on her outfit.

“Oh, you have NO IDEA!” Barbie laughs and Ken doesn’t get it, but that’s OK. Barbie’s major stress in life is how to accessorize her LBD (little black dress).
And Ken is perfect.

However, other times, Barbie has to solve a problem, like WHY SHE WAS NOT PLAYING WELL IN A TENNIS TOURNAMENT.

Barbie is playing against a nemesis (it’s always a brunette…hehehe nice) and Barbie suspects her of rigging the tournament. Barbie, the sleuth!
I’m not playing right! Barbie told Ken, in her cute tennis outfit during a break. Something doesn’t feel right!
She kept missing all the balls hit to her. That wasn’t like Barbie at all.

Ken scratches his head and shrugs, and Barbie says she has to go to the bathroom. As she walks into the locker room, at that exact moment, she sees the nemesis brunette placing a small magnet inside the tennis ball.

“This way, the ball will always go towards Barbie’s ankle tennis bracelet!” The brunette said and her friends all laugh.

My tennis bracelet! Barbie looks down at her delicate, shiny bling. I’ll show her!

Barbie promptly removes her tennis bracelet and goes out to win the tournament!
“Good job, Barbie!” Ken says, as the brunette nemesis scowls nearby. “How did you do it?”
“Oh, I took something off that was weighing me down!” Barbie said, or something perfect like that.

See, girls, it’s not always about accessories!

Yesterday was national comic book day. The comic book store owner that we interviewed for our paper never mentioned Barbie comics. I’m actually not even sure if they still make them.

The interview was all about “Superman” and “Archie” and…Shrek (shrek??) comic books. That's all people want to hear about.

Is it because saving Gotham City is more interesting than planning out the fastest route through the mall?

My dad and brother used to buy and collect comic books regularly and some are still sitting in boxes in my parents’ house in New Orleans.

When Joy and I went with them to the comic book store, we would always run to the Barbie comic book section, flipping through any we hadn’t read already. We bought them with our allowance.

“You know when you read them, the value goes down!” our brother said. He kept his in a nice, sealed plastic sleeve.
“But, how would we know what it’s about?” we said. “How would we know how it ends?”

Would Barbie find her friends after being separated in a haunted house?
Will she have a successful BBQ?
And what about that missing poodle?


These are things we needed to know.

Barbie didn’t go around saving people (only cats in trees) and she didn’t rid the world of nuclear annihilation.
Her feats were very ordinary, very realistic and...you know, I actually do think that having a successful BBQ is a talent. Superman would never have made lemonade.

-Jenny