Tuesday, October 20, 2015

TOOLBAG TUESDAY

Maybe it’s because I have a problem with authority, maybe it’s because I’ve never had a positive experience interacting with one, but I could never, ever date a police officer.

No offense.

OFFENSES!

Hahahahahaha
Get it??

Sorry to those upstanding members of the law who bring kids teddy bears and shit.

...But I honestly think cops are generally meatheads on a power trip. 

And they take out all their aggression on people they secretly hate and...sorry, I said no offense(s).

This guy Peter certainly didn’t change my mind about the whole “cops on a power trip” thing.

He and I met during the unfortunate online dating part of my life, and if he had listed anywhere that he was a cop, then our meeting would never have taken place.

No offense.

But as it were, Peter wasn’t just a cop, he was a highway patrolman. On a power trip. He bragged about making something like 700+ DUI arrests in the past year. He got a plaque from the governor and everything.

“I beat out all the other cops!” he said.

“Yea, well, that’s because you worked the overnight shift, right?” I said, no longer interested in the beer I had ordered.

“So?”

“So you beat out all the other cops because you work the overnight shift. More people drink and drive at midnight than at noon, no?”

Hahahahahahahahahaha

(He didn’t like me either.)

We sat there in silence and then I had more questions, as usual.

“So...did you ever give someone a pass because they were sad and crying?” I asked.

“NO WAY,” he said.

And then Peter totally went full-on cliché, on a power trip, where he took out his aggression out on the people he secretly hated.

You know...the “hot girls.”

“YOU KNOW, ONLY THE ‘HOT GIRLS’ CRY,” he said, actually throwing down his fork.

LOL

“I WOULD NEVER LET A HOT GIRL GET OUT OF A D.U.I. OR A TICKET. YOU KNOW WHY? BECAUSE THEY’RE USED TO GETTING EVERYTHING THEY WANT ALL THE TIME.”

LOL
LOL

“Ummm...” I said.

“YOU KNOW...I’D ACTUALLY BE MORE LIKELY TO GIVE AN UGLY GIRL A PASS.”

!!!!!!!!!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

??????

What a super sweet guy.

He wasn’t joking. He was legitimately angry at the crying “hot” girls who get pulled over by an angry state trooper pooper.

We sat there in silence and I could just picture him on duty, in his dumb hat. 

It made me want to cry.

“So...you’re saying you’d give me a ticket, then?” I asked, like a jackass.

"DEFINITELTY. YOU'D DEFINITELY BE IN JAIL.”

UGH!!!!

Waaaaaaaaaaaah

Check please.

No offense.

-Jenny

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