Tuesday, May 13, 2014

TOOLBAG TUESDAY

Usually when someone tells you they got a job…a job in today’s economy…it’s welcome news.

Right??

No.

Not…always.

Not when the person who got this new job is the person you met online, who you were planning to meet for the first time at happy hour that evening.

Wait…so you...DIDN’T have a job an hour ago?

(So glad those dating filters are working out.)

But it gets much worse.

I met 30-year-old Tim online and we “liked” each other and made plans to meet at this cool new spot for happy hour. 

We were texting the morning of our date back and forth with mindless chit-chat when he revealed the following: 

1.) He doesn’t have a job

2.) “Woah” he got a job at a liquor store just now!

3.) He goes to the liquor store at 11 a.m. on a Wednesday

4.) He is going to be an hour late now because of this new, unexpected job.

5.) Oh and he lost his debit card a week ago when he was drunk

6.) therefore, has no money

7.) and has no car

8.) …Do I still want to meet up????

I KNOW! All super attractive points.

That’s the day I quit online dating forever.

Spoiler alert - I politely declined our meeting – “you shouldn’t have to rush out of your first day of work,” I wrote.

Ha

What a complete waste of time.

First, let’s address the fact that he was going to a liquor store at 11 a.m.

“I just got a job offer at a liquor store!” Tim wrote to me randomly after saying he was “taking it easy” that day. (uhhhh, unemployed)

Naturally, I thought he was kidding.

“Do a fireball shot!” I wrote back. “Show them you mean business!”

“Really! Dude just called me and told me I can start right now! Gotta do it!” was his response.

Uh
What?

The he wrote: “I had no clue I was going to just walk into a liquor store and be offered a job!”

I didn’t respond.

Was that supposed to be attractive????

Surely he was joking.

Then, a half-hour before happy hour I get a text:

“Hey I just got off now and I won’t have time to run back to my house and get money but I’ll gladly come meet you,” he wrote.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Aww how did Tim know that was EXACTLY what I wanted to do??? — Meet up with someone for a date who doesn’t have any money!

“What?” I wrote back.

“Long story,” he wrote. “Basically I lost my debit card being a ‘drunken ass’ so it’s a good thing I have cash at my house for emergencies but I won’t have time to go home and get it. I ride my bike.”

Oh.

He has a bicycle.

He’s a drunken ass.

He loses things.

That's not a long story at all. 

Ha

You know, there are men out there who would NEVER, EVER think about taking a girl out on a date if they didn’t have any money. Ever. Period.

Unfortunately, they are a dying breed.

Apparently taking a girl out on a date and paying for it is so…last generation’s economy???

I’ll be the first one to say, 'sure, I’ll get the tab,' with a boyfriend or someone I'm actually dating, but this was just crass. 

A first date. A blind date.

I have no money, but I’ll gladly come meet you.

Ugh.

Yea I'm sure he would gladly have met me and let me pay for myself and him. 

Tim kept digging his "I'm unattractive" ditch deeper with every subsequent text.

“Sorry…I wasn’t planning on getting a job today so I wasn’t able to go home beforehand,” he wrote.

Hahahahahaha

Wasn’t planning on getting a job today.

Perfect.

“Let’s just rain check it,” I wrote politely. 

I then made it MY job to delete his number AND my online dating profile entirely.

And then made myself a liquor drink.


-Jenny

No comments:

Post a Comment

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...