Tuesday, May 6, 2014

TOOLBAG TUESDAY

In one of my favorite movies of all time, Friday, (It’s got action! It’s got comedy! It’s got romance!) there’s a scene where the main character’s girlfriend calls him to bitch about how she heard he “was all hugged up with some tramp” at the show last night (he wasn’t) and she didn’t appreciate it. 

But then if you look really closely, there’s a DUDE laying next to her in her bed. 





Hahahaha

Gotta love the hypocrites!

And by love them, I mean laugh at them.

It’s a special kind of delusion. I think it’s because hypocrites are on such a high horse they can’t get proper oxygen to their brains. 


HELLO!!! You can’t give someone shit when you’re doing the very same thing!!

Brian and my friend Paige dated for four years in college and beyond and they still did a long-distance, “non-exclusive” dumb thing when she went to graduate school in New York and he stayed in New Orleans. 

Paige said after a few months apart, she started to like someone else. It wasn’t an earth-shattering love, and she didn’t mention it to Brian.

(She did, however, tell her friends about the new guy in their group texts. He took her to the Hamptons! Swoon!)

A few months passed without Brian and Paige visiting each other, since he decided to go to Mexico instead of go up to New York and see her.

But when he got back from Mexico, she said he flipped out on her.

“You’re seeing someone else, I can TELL!” Brian said. “AND I WON’T BE MADE TO LOOK LIKE AN IDIOT!”

Hahahahaha 

Paige said he made her feel like a truly awful person.

“Look, Brian, we both agreed that we’d talk if either one of us met someone serious. And I’m not seeing anyone serious-ly,” she said. 

“The LAST thing I want to do is make you feel like an idiot.”

They hung up as sort-of friends, but she felt sick.

She called her best girl friends to get their advice on if she should end things or tell Brian about the new guy.

“…everything was just FINE until he went to Mexico!!” she wailed.

Her friends said maybe Brian just missed her when he was on his Mexican vacation. Maybe watching all those sunsets on the beach made him lonely.

Paige continued on dating her new guy and he brought her to the Hamptons again for a weekend getaway.

She called Brian when she got back.

“Where’d you go this weekend? The HAMPTONS??!” he asked.

“What??” she said.

She was sure there was nothing on Facebook or Instagram about it.

“Yea, I can TELL these things!” Brian said.

Paige was worried. Was her phone tapped??? Did she have a hidden GPS in her car??

“You know, I don’t have time for this!” Brian said. “I told you before, I’m NOT going to look like an idiot.”

And that’s when Paige got dumped. 

She was beside herself upset that she hurt his feelings so bad. She should have ended thing with Brian months ago and saved him the pain.

Who knew that a sort-of exclusive long-distance relationship wouldn’t work out??

Ha

She didn’t hear from Brian any more after that, that is, until she got a disturbing phone call from one of her girlfriends about a month later.

“So…um…Brian is an A-hole,” her friend said.

“…why…”

“Well, he’s dating Georgia.”

Georgia was one of Paige’s best friends, who still lived in New Orleans.

“What?” Paige asked, remembering now that Georgia hadn’t returned several phone calls.

“Yep…and not only is he dating Georgia, but HE BROUGHT HER TO MEXICO WITH HIM ON THAT TRIP HE WENT ON.”

Paige shook her head.

“WHAT??!”

(QUE???)

“SHE’S the one who told him that you were seeing someone else! And told him about the Hamptons.”

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

??????????????

Hahahahahaha

Yes, Brian secretly brought Paige’s BEST FRIEND with him on a Mexican vacation and then had the nerve to tell her not to make him look like an idiot.

Hahahahaha

HYPOCRITE!!! 

What, did he GET OFF ON YELLING AT HER?? Or coming out of their relationship looking like the "good guy" just because she didn't know about his fling??

Ugh.

Don’t make him look like an idiot. 

P.S. I'M BANGING YOUR BEST FRIEND.

PLEASE 

While Paige was beating herself up that she broke poor Brian’s heart, he’s been shacking up with her former best friend for months!

There is nothing more infuriating than finding out someone you’re dating is all “hugged up” on one of your best friends. 

Especially after hearing an earful about what an asshole you are for seeing someone else.

...And no amount of watching Friday on loop will make you feel better about that.

Ugh.

-Jenny

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