Tuesday, March 12, 2013

TOOLBAG TUESDAY


A friend reminded me the other day that guys aren’t what they used to be. In the movies anyway.

“I want John Cusack holding a boombox outside my window. I wanna ride off on a lawnmower with Patrick Dempsey. I want Jake from Sixteen Candles waiting outside the church for me. I want Judd Nelson thrusting his fist (that's what she said) into the air because he knows he got me.”

(I only know the Sixteen Candles reference. You may remember, I don’t watch movies.)

Anyway. I think the above statement is fairly true.

In life, and from what I see on TV (aside from vampires), guys aren’t exactly the sappy romantics they used to be.

I mean, the Superbowl AUDI commercial had some dude busting into prom and kissing the prom queen unannounced and unexpected.

Gross.

WHERE’S ZACK MORRIS HOLIDNG A “ZACK AND KELLY” PROM OUTSIDE THE CAFETERIA???

To be fair, perhaps guys don’t think WOMEN are what they used to be, either.

I mean, I, for one, don’tcook. 
Ha.

It’s tricky saying women aren’t what they used to be, though, since what they “used to be” includes not having a voice or rights, and being subservient.

But Paul, a guy my friend Brandy thought was cute, didn’t have a problem reminiscing about the good old days.

Paul was Brandy’s co-worker’s brother and they started talking one day at happy hour.

Paul, as it turns out, was a traditionalist when it comes to men and women. Not traditionalist like he envisioned himself a sappy romantic like a John Hughes character.

Traditionalist in the way that he doesn’t think that …wait a minute, let me push my bulging eyeballs back in…doesn’t think that men and women are equal.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

“Oh, absolutely not,” he said in all seriousness to Brandy when he found out she and his brother have the same job description.

“There are always going to be things he can do that you can’t,” Peter said.

!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Uhhh they didn’t work at a lumber yard)

Susan B. Anthony come down here and puke all over this guy’s head!!!!

“Oh, really? Things he can do that I can’t?” Brandy laughed. “Ok, then what should a woman do for a job?”

He then said, HAHAHAHAHA, that his ideal woman - who, he said there aren’t enough of - is a kindergarten teacher.

HAHAHAHAHA, apron and bonnet not included.

Now, if he meant this for educational purposes or making a difference, or molding young minds, that would be fine.

But Peter didn’t mean it that way. He meant women should be kindergarten teachers like what he thinks kindergarten school teachers do all day, like read picture books and sing songs about a bus. And be soft-spoken and subservient.

HA
!!!!!

“So, you don’t think you’re equal to a kindergarten teacher?” Brandy concluded aloud, amusing herself. 
He was no longer cute.

Peter then backtracked and said she must not have understood.

“Ok, explain it,” she said.

Then she understood perfectly. Peter thought he was better than everyone else. 
A real f*cking mother superior.

He took an exasperated sigh.

“I mean, you don’t think you’re equal to a (insert opposite race) woman do you?”

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Uh...so...I guess the racist bigots are still what they used to be.

UGH.

His face is what the wheels on the bus need to roll over.

'round and 'round...

-Jenny

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