Movie deprived, and I don’t care

I’m a child of the 80s, but my movie trivia would have you think otherwise. The number of “classic” movies I haven’t seen would freak even your mom out.

The ones that tend to get the biggest reaction from people are The Goonies, Indiana Jones, Star Wars (any of them) The Godfather (any of them), Rocky (any of them), Terminator (any of them), Caddyshack, Spaceballs, Lethal Weapon, Stand By Me, Animal House, The Big Chill, Beetle Juice, Planes, Trains and Automobiles, Endless Summer, Karate Kid, Teen Wolf, Super Troopers, Roadhouse and Flashdance.

I also don’t remember a lot of Back to the Future, if I’ve seen it at all.

I blame this partly on my parents’ strict policy of not letting their children watch a lot of TV growing up, but it’s also because I enjoy watching the same movies over and over.

I don’t like to venture out; I’m very boring and particular. (I would probably not even go to the movie theater to see new films if hot, buttery movie theater popcorn wasn’t my favorite food in whole world.)

When trolling the shelves at Blockbuster, I will pass up Jaws (I’ve only seen half) repeatedly to continue to rent Ocean’s 11, 12 and 13. I’ll watch Friday again and again, I don’t care how "good" Braveheart is. (I don’t really dig epic pieces, anyway.)

That’s another problem; I have a strict comedy or action-only policy when it comes to movies, and I don’t want to see anything scary or else I’ll lose sleep.
Seriously. I’m a huge baby. Tom Cruise in Collateral scared me; I was home alone and kept the light on.

(Scary movies got to me early: my mom told me I had to sleep in her and my dad's bed when I was 4 after seeing the “bad guy” in the My Little Pony Movie. Seriously. And, I actually still remember what the bad guy looks like. But I don't want to talk about it.)

So, keeping up with the no-scary-movie-policy, I will not see The Excorcist, A Clockwork Orange, Silence of the Lambs (I saw the first 20 minutes and almost lost my lunch), Traffic, Gremlins, Chucky doll, The Shining or The Blair Witch Project.

I also rule out movies that make me make sad, so no, Joy, I will not be watching the end of that movie with Charlize Theron where she sues everyone for sexual harassment when she was a mine worker. So sad. Cut out my heart why don’t you, North Country!

My twin siser, Joy, has a much more big girl attitude when it comes to movies although I do know for a fact that we have both cried at Little Giants. (Yes, with Rick Moranis. I hope Joy doesn’t read this.)

The hardest I ever cried at a movie was Titanic and it was in the movie theater. The tears didn’t end there. I actually cried for two hours after it was over and I was terribly depressed. I think I was just really in love with Leonardo Jack.

So, in order to avoid depression, the movies I’ve simply heard are sad, that I won’t watch (unless I'm forced to with a gun in my face) include Steel Magnolias, Fried Green Tomatoes, Fargo and Sophie’s Choice. Oh, and that Dear John movie? Hells to the no.

I also don’t care for old movies including Gone With The Wind, Citizen Kane and that other movie with “Roooosebud!” at the end (Wait, is that Citizen Kane??) And, let’s just forget about Shindler’s List.
I haven't seen any cowboy movies or anything with Clint Eastwood in it, either. (I hope my boyfriend doesn't read this.)

My “fun only” policy also applies to television, which is how I justify watching what some people refer to as “crap” TV.

Reality dating shows, reality modeling shows, reality cooking shows and reality designer shows are my jam, and, of course, The Office.

Joy loves “Law and Order” and “Law and Order: SVU” and “Law and Order: Criminal Intent,” but I don’t see the appeal in knowing exactly what investigators would do if they found my murdered bloody body in an apartment in New York. (AND the camera work makes me dizzy.)

My TV motto: No comparisons to my own life unless it makes me feel good about myself. (I'm selfish like that.)
It’s very similar to my movie motto, with one addition: Repeat watching the same movies as often as possible.

Now, where is that DVD of How High again???

-Jenny