Tuesday, September 18, 2012

TOOLBAG TUESDAY

Someone reminded me recently that on a first date (well, probably up through  the first five dates), you should be on your best behavior. The best version of yourself.

It’s not lying, it’s a sales tactic!!!

I mean, if you were a dog up for adoption, wouldn’t you want to look as cute as possible??
Ha.

Anyway.

The first date is the one where you should be nice and normal. Where, even if you’re uninterested (or have no idea what) your date is talking about, you should nod and smile and ask thoughtful questions.

And don’t let your crazy show.

Chris, this guy my friend Monica went on a date with after she became his personal banker, did not follow any of these rules on their first date.

The whole thing started off on the wrong foot, when he was an HOUR late to pick her up (no excuse at all) and his car was a complete mess.

It wasn’t messy like an, “I’m busy; I just moved; I work on the road; I have to drop this off at my friends’ house” messy, it was like food wrappers and cigarette butts and an unpleasant environment in which to breathe.

That’s hardly the best version of oneself.

Strike two came at the restaurant, when Monica saw on the TV coverage about the tragic and horrific shooting at the Batman Dark Night Rises premiere.
(It had happened two days before their date.)

“Can you believe that?” she asked pointing at the TV. “Horrible.”

“Oh that shooting at the movies?” Chris asked. “Yea, I don’t know why people are still talking about it.”

Monica blinked.

“You mean, why are people talking about the biggest mass shooting this country has had in…” she started.

“I doesn’t matter, I never watch the news,” Chris said waving his hand, dismissing her.
“I don’t want to know what’s going on in the world AT ALL.”

Monica envisioned their lack of conversation if they ended up together:

HEY HONEY, WE’RE UNDER A NUCLEAR ATTACK!
UHHH….CAN YOU MAKE ME SOME PANCAKES?

“Well…there’s nothing wrong with being informed,” Monica finally said.

They sat in silence for a minute and then Monica changed the subject. They talked about where they had lived out-of-state, their life experiences and why they were still single in their late 20s. Monica said she just hadn't found the right person yet.

“Well, I don’t like to get close to people," Chris said in response. "That’s how people develop feelings. YUCK.”

YUCK?? What was he, five?? 

He wasn't joking. He really felt that way.
He was a complete waste of time.

Monica decided before the bill came that she wasn’t going to be seeing Chris anymore, but still agreed to a post-dinner drink at a nearby bar.

That’s when the rocking began.

Monica recalls: “He wrapped his arms around himself and started rocking back and forth in the bar stool.”

“What…are you doing?” she asked, looking around, embarrassed.

“You should totally try this, it feels soooo good,” Chris said, still rocking.

Monica was beside herself. Was she being punk'd???

She shook her head and looked away.

That’s when she decided that this emotionally unavailable uninformed citizen with a smelly car and odd habit wasn’t going to waste any more of her time. She left to call a cab.

Clearly, this guy had issues. Issues he didn't even try and fake on a first date.

If he was a dog, he would never be adopted at this rate.

Ugh.
Woof.

-Jenny

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