Tuesday, August 28, 2012

TOOLBAG TUESDAY

The only physical fight I’ve ever been in was in eighth grade, when a stupid boy at a high school football game called my fat friend fat.

She was embarrassed and there was no response. She was fat. It wasn’t a matter of opinion, it was a fact.

I remember wishing he had called her ugly; at least that’s open for debate. Calling a fat girl FAT is just cruel.

Without even thinking, I ran over to that boy and said, “Don’t call my friend fat!” and pushed him hard, and he fell backwards, onto the grass.

He was startled, and then embarrassed.

“You short bitch!” he screamed (haha) but before he could get up, I took off running as fast as I could, leaving my fat friend behind.

Anyway.
Don’t call people fat.
It pisses me off.

What’s even more annoying? Calling a girl fat who’s NOT fat.

That unfortunate thing happened to my friend Cameron, who was called FAT a few months ago by this guy she was seeing.

Calling a girl fat!
BIG don’t.

Isn’t that a rule on Page 1, Paragraph 1 of the book on how to be a gentleman?

I mean, there are jokes about this. Cartoons about a woman asking her husband if a dress makes her look fat, and he knows not to say anything.

But Drabble and Dagwood aren’t dumbasses like Adam.

Adam not only called a girl fat who wasn’t fat, but went a step further. He decided to say this as they were laying NAKED IN BED. Mortifying.

Adam and Cameron met a while ago but discovered a mutual attraction and started hooking up.

Adam did have six-pack abs, but he was still unnecessarily arrogant.

His stupid six-pack was what started it all.

One night, Cameron was complimenting him on his abs, “like, tracing them,” she said, right after they finished hooking up.

He responded with a nonchalant, “oh, these old things? They’re no big deal.”

“Well, I think they are,” she said. “I mean, I don’t have a six-pack.”

Without skipping a beat, Adam said, “That’s just because you have a beer belly.”

!!!!!!!!

A WHAT??

Mortified, Cameron rolled over, so that her exposed 125-pound body was no longer on top of him and said, “that is a VERY rude thing to say to a girl.”

She was so mortified she didn’t even try to defend herself. She should have said, “Who’s fat??!!” and…pushed him to the ground.
And then ran like hell.

But she believed him and froze, unable to speak up. It was sad.

Adam immediately apologized, which went through one ear and out the other.

Because it doesn’t matter what you say after, telling a naked girl she has a beer belly five minutes after you sleep with her isn’t something you UN-hear.

That’s just bad bed manners.

And, for the record, this guy isn’t exactly David Beckham know what I mean?? More like Drabble.

Cameron slept on the other side of the bed, miserable, and walked around for the rest of the week in loose-fitting garments.

Man, if only my eighth grade self would have been there.

HE’D be running.

-Jenny

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