I’m perfectly capable of doing laundry, I’m just lazy. And all the clothes spilling over my wicker basket onto the floor like a waterfall makes me feel like I’m DROWNING in last season’s Forever 21 apparel!!
How did I let my laundry get this bad, you ask? Because we’re talking at LEAST three “super” loads here. At least.
And that’s not even separating clothes into whites and colors, because if one were to separate the colors from the whites, it would probably be four loads.
Yes, sometimes I have to dig into my dirty clothes pile to “re-wear” something (strapless bra, jorts, jskirt). My roommate calls this “double dipping.” But I figure those things can be dirty without people noticing...or me smelling like a foot.
So why not just do the damn laundry??
1.) I’M TOO BUSY.
What has become painfully clear by way of strep throat and a general “running that body down,” (thanks Tom Petty) I realized that for the past several weeks, I haven’t been home for more than 2 hours at a time.
(Cue a dramatic “woe- is-me-I-have-too-many-social-commitments” hand over my forehead.)
Last week, for example, I had obligations every night for eight days straight…AFTER I got off work at my full-time job. EIGHT DAYS STRAIGHT.
And yes, mom, I could have not gone out on the weekends after said commitments, but there are 17 steps to get downstairs to the laundry room, and carrying a waterfall of clothes while tipsy doesn’t seem safe.
Or, you know, fun.
2.) SLOWPOKE DRYER.
The dryer in my apartment takes an effing month to dry anything (two months for towels), so I can’t be like Kelly Ripa in that commercial where everything is washed and dried and pressed in 15 minutes. AND MY STOVE DOESN’T BOIL WATER IN 90 SECONDS.
Also, since I share the washer and dryer with four other people on our side of the house, I can’t start the process and leave things in the washing machine for
Heaven forbid the mildly attractive downstairs neighbor switch my laundry and NOT know that my skinny jeans go on the drying rack, not the dryer. Also, I don’t want him to see my “comfy” underwear.
3.) MY ROOMMATE.
You know how most lazy people end up being forced to do their laundry because they run out of things to wear?? Like people being forced to go to the grocery store (Papa John's) when they run out of food??
Right. Thanks to my roommate, I haven’t run out of things to wear.
See, during my ridiculously long hiatus from the spin cycle, my roommate has been doing summer cleaning and putting piles of clothes she’s giving away onto my bed for me to peruse.
And since we’re the same size and she’s got good taste, I’ve just been attacking that pile rather than wash the things I have.
Bonus: people at work have been complimenting me on my new wardrobe.
4.) THE OLYMPICS.
You try putting away laundry when men's diving is on. That demands 110 percent of your attention.
5.) IT'S THE WEEKEND AGAIN.
Who's got time for laundry, I have to go watch ostrich races at the fairgrounds!!!
And I've got the perfect dress to wear!! ...From my roommate.