Un-News Week

Y'all...
I have no idea what's going on. With the world, that is.

I know NO current events. I don't even know where Suri Cruise is hiding.

I problem is, I've been on vacation at the beach for the past week. And I checked out.

Serioulsy, the only thing I read was an US Weekly on the plane.

It was quite a change from my normal routine of reading newspapers, blogs, newswires and columns, watching headline news and listening to The Howard Stern Show everyday.

This past week, I absorbed no knowledge.

No TV news, no newspapers. I didn't even check my EMAIL for the whole week, and therefore, didn't get to skim over Yahoo!'s hilighted story of the day about babies sleeping in odd positions.

But today, I'm back to reality, behind a desk wearing both a shirt AND shoes, and really need to get a run-down of what I missed.

Because someone in the elevator just said, "Don't you just feel so BAD for those people in Colorado?" and I had no idea what she was talking about.

Another Columbine?
Landmines??

Ah. Fires.

Speaking of nature, I don't even know if there are any tropical storms brewing.
I don't know who won the election in Libya. I don't even know if they HAD an election in Libya. (Yes, I care.)

I don't know if anyone accidentally blew off a finger lighting fireworks this July 4.
I don't know if the family of the girl with the flesh-eating bacteria was able to save the fig tree outside their house!!

THESE ARE THINGS I NEED TO KNOW!!!

Yes, I am aware that most people go on vacation specifically to cut themselves off from Trayvon Martin and pink slime and THE TIMES PICAYUNE MOVING TO THREE DAYS A WEEK, but I'm not used to it. I felt lost.

Maybe it's because I've never, in my adult life, been on a vacation where I could fully unplug and relax.

As a former journalist, even on vacation I would check my work email daily (What if the mayor got a DWI??? What if the town bird broke out of its cage???)

I would nervoulsy look at the online comments on each of my articles, in case I needed to report one as rude spam.

Little known fact: On vacations, I've written more articles on planes than any other activity.

But NOT THIS TRIP!!! This trip was a straight-up VACAY— pure, unaduldterated, "nobody needs me to do sh*t" trip.

(It really is the only way to travel.)

Today, though, I'm reading emails from my THREE email accounts, trying not to get annoyed by the high-pitched PING! PING! whenever a new message comes in.

I've spent the whole morning perusing all my trusted news websites to catch up on what I missed this past week.
(FYI: The new FBI director in New Orleans is HOT. So are forest fires.)

I've also been looking at Yahoo!'s home page...photos of babies sleeping in odd positions.

Now will someone please tell me where Suri Cruise is hiding???

-Jenny