Tuesday, March 15, 2011

TOOLBAG TUESDAY

It’s common knowledge that men give women flowers because they either did something really, really bad or she did something really, really good.
Wink wink

However, Scott got it all wrong about the appropriate way to give a girl flowers.
Because last I checked, saying, “let’s break up” with a vase of tulips is confusing.

“He dumped me!” said my friend Rachel, as she pointed to the flowers sitting on the dining room table.

“Wait, woah!” I asked. “Who dumps someone with flowers?”

“I know! I was all excited to see them at the door after work... and then I read the note,” she said.

I picked up the two-page note sitting next to the flowers, which was written very neatly on his company’s letterhead paper.

Scott took his time to write this note carefully. There were no scratches or line-throughs or mess ups or anything.

He poured his heart out over how he likes her too much and he doesn’t feel that she likes him as much as he likes her and he’s going to have to end it now before someone (him) gets hurt. Have a nice life, it read.

P.S. I think you’re beautiful

AHAHAHAHAHAHA!! Rachel and I spent the next several minutes laughing and I repeated, “what!” as I continued to read the note front and back.

It was hysterical.
Scott and Rachel had been on THREE dates exactly, and two of those were group dates.

Breakup notes of this nature usually come after months and months of courtship and steak dinners and at least one holiday where someone’s gift falls flat.

Scott hadn’t even spent the night!!!
This was all very premature.

Rachel figured that it was all the St. Patrick’s Day parade’s fault. She had invited Scott to go with her to the parade, and her mom also happened to be at the gathering.

Scott had thought that this was the “meet the parents” moment, on the same level as an intimate family dinner on a Friday night.

NOT AT ALL. It was loud and drunken and they had to avoid getting hit by cabbages the whole time.
And her dad wasn’t even there!

Later that night while eating dinner alone (still date three) Scott told Rachel how much he appreciated meeting her mom and how special it was.

“Oh, it was just a parade,” Rachel said. “No big deal.”

Scott dropped her off after dinner and Rachel thought everything was fine.

“It really bothered me when you said it was no big deal to meet your parents,” Scott’s note read, attached to the tulips, less than 24 hours later.

Could this not have been addressed with a phone call? Was her not thinking that meeting her mom was a big deal an indication of how she felt about their entire three-date relationship?

P.S. I think you’re beautiful

Bahahahahhahahaha.

“Dude.” is all I could say when I finished reading the note, and Rachel nodded.

She called Scott to ask him a big WTF.

He started off repeating what the note said, but then admitted that no, three dates is not enough time to figure out what you want out of a relationship.

And no, he never actually asked her how she felt about him or the relationship, so he really couldn’t back up his claim that he liked her WAY MORE than she liked him.

Maybe it was because he was so apologetic — even embarrassed — when she called him out on his crazy flower/note delivery; maybe it was because he somehow knew tulips were her favorite flower.

Nonetheless, Rachel told Scott that she’d forget the whole flower thing and they should just move on.

Right? Wrong.

Today, I got a picture message from Rachel. Scott had a DOZEN ROSES delivered to her WORK.
Before lunch.

“…these are from Scott with a note that apologizes for being crazy,” she wrote.

Bahahahaha!

Save the flower deliveries for Valentine’s Day, Scott!!

P.S. I think you’re beautiful


-Jenny

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