Someone brought complimentary Girl Scout cookies to work today, but there were no boxes of Thin Mints, so I had to yell.
“DOS-SI-DOS??!!? FUCKING TAG-A-LONGS??? WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE??”
Thin Mints are the best cookies in the whole world. Once, I ate an entire box at my desk in elementary school. I didn’t share with anyone, even though people asked me for one.
I had none to spare. I took both of the long, plastic-wrapped stacks of cookies and ate them one by one until all 42 were gone.
“Weren’t you supposed to get Girl Scout cookies delivered at school today?” my mom asked later.
“Yea, no. They ran out,” I said, holding my stomach.
I don’t care about any other Girl Scout cookies besides my Thin Mints. I had a brief love affair with their lemon cookies, but I don’t think they make those anymore.
I keep forgetting about Girl Scout cookies until they magically show up all of a sudden once a year, and then I freak out.
“THIN MINTS?? THIN MINTS!??? ARE THERE ANY THIN MINTS?!?!
When my co-worker said there were no green boxes among the ones delivered today, I was genuinely depressed.
It’s a problem. A friend of mine dressed as a Girl Scout for Halloween one year and had a box of Thin Mints as an accessory and she wouldn’t let me hold it.
“But, boys at the bar won’t appreciate them as much as I will!” I cried.
(Some people say to put the Thin Mints in the freezer, but they never make it all the way to my house.)
It’s not easy to get my hands on these cookies since I (thankfully) don’t know any girls ages 8-14.
I have no idea when the cookies will arrive. Or when the cookie season is. Shit, I don't even have a hookup in the Scouts.
That would be a mass email I’d love to get in my inbox: “If anyone would like to buy Girl Scout cookies see Coco in accounting. Except for Thin Mints, Jenny has already called dibs on every single box.”
Nobody’s called dibs on Dos-si-dos, they’re still sitting on the “free food” table in the office right next to me. I’ve been staring angrily at them all day.
I can’t believe someone would drop THOSE off and the STUPID shortbread cookies and not the lovely and delicious Thin Mints.
This is an outrage!
I NEED MY FIX!!!
Can I buy a box on Ebay???
OH MY GOD I CAN.
Excuse me for a moment.