Tuesday, March 24, 2015

TOOLBAG TUESDAY

Since I’m not in high school anymore, I have no idea how people go from dating to being ohhhhh boyfriend/girlfriend (or boyfriend/boyfriend or girlfriend/girlfriend, whatever).

I mean, what’s the protocol these days? 

Do you just start introducing them as your boyfriend/girlfriend and cross your fingers that they don’t protest?

Maybe an official conversation: “Let’s both delete our Tinder accounts....together.”

Haha

But, I do know the WRONG way to approach the subject of calling someone your girlfriend: stealing her PHONE when she’s asleep and replying to a text from another guy with, “don’t text my girlfriend anymore.”

OMG.

HAHAHAHAHAHA

This happened to my friend Shelby last week, who had been dating this guy Trevor for, uh, THREE weeks very casually.

They had not had a conversation about being exclusive or boyfriend/girlfriend and had actually only seen each other a handful of times over the three weeks.

Shelby and Trevor met at the bar where she worked part-time and they hit it off immediately. But she noticed that he was always texting with other girls.

Shelby wasn’t really worried about it because they weren’t that serious but then, after a day of drinking all day and hanging out, Trevor I guess thought they were exclusive.

Shelby had passed out in his bed and her phone buzzed and Trevor saw that she had received a text from a guy. 

And then he lost it.

It doesn’t matter that the text was from a platonic guy friend who lived five states away.

Not that Trevor asked.

No, Trevor, in a mighty display of douche-ery, decided to TAKE SHELBY’S PHONE, TAKE A PICTURE OF HER PASSED OUT IN HIS BED, and send the photo to the guy with “stop texting my girlfriend.”

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Damn.

In addition to Trevor stealing her phone and taking a secret picture of her passed out, Shelby notes that they never had any conversation about being exclusive.

HAHA

GUYS, TAKE NOTE: This is NOT how you have the “girlfriend” conversation.

You don’t refer to her as your girlfriend over text to her guy friend without her permission accompanied by a photo of her passed out drunk.

Just don't do it.

Someone make a T-shirt!!!!

Shelby recalls (fuzzily) Trevor waking her up to show her the text, furious, and they got into a fight about it and she left the next morning definitely NOT his girlfriend.

It was horrible; she had to apologize profusely to her PLATONIC guy friend and then Trevor continued to be bat-shit crazy.

“I DON’T CARE THAT UR SEEING OTHER PEOPLE BECAUSE I AM TOO” he wrote the next day.

Hahahahahaha

HAHAHAHAHAHA

Then, to prove his point, Trevor sent her PHOTOS OF OTHER GIRLS, body shot photos (no faces) of various girls in various bedrooms that obviously came from porn sites or Tinder because....duh.

SERIOUSLY.

(I saw the photos with my own eyes, ya'll!!!!)

The first picture was of a very, very skinny girl in a black lace thong. 

But rather than be sad about it, Shelby began to mess with him and that made him even more mad.

Shelby responded with something along the lines of “I guess...if you’re into that sort of body type.”

HAHA

Then Trevor sent her another picture a few hours later of a busty, curvy girl (HAHAHAHAHAHA) another body shot, and Shelby responded with something else funny, which drove Trevor even more nuts.

“YEA WELL SHE’S BRINGING ME PIZZA RIGHT NOW,” he said.

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

AAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

One more time, all together: 

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Did he think this was believable? Did he think this would make her jealous?

Where is he getting his dating advice from?

And...(I know, I need to stop trying to understand crazy)...why would one day you refer to someone as your girlfriend (albeit in a creepy, completely inappropriate way) and the next day send her pictures of other girls in their underwear?

I can just picture Trevor staring at his phone red in the face furiously trying to find more *super realistic* pictures to send to Shelby.

...While eating a frozen pizza.

Seriously. 

Hahaha

Picture it.

-Jenny

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