Tuesday, April 22, 2014

TOOLBAG TUESDAY

Anytime I get bummed out about being single/not married, I think about all the annoying things married people are required to do for their spouses, like put up with their family, make them food or even make her cancel her US Weekly subscription because he thinks it’s “toxic crap” (true story.)

I always thought you just had to grin and bear it. I had no idea that you could just NOT do things your spouse asks simply because you find it annoying/not important.

Thanks, Phil, for opening my eyes to this new dynamic!

Phil, in his small defense, was being bombarded with annoying things. His wife Rachel, my friend, had asked to let her, uh, unbalanced sister, live with them for a while.

It was a big production getting her sister to move from Louisiana to Tennessee to stay with them, and it was done in a conniving way where a little road trip turned into a longer one and suddenly they were in Tennessee and why not just stay, sis??

As such, all of her sister’s things were still in her house in Louisiana. 

Phil was instructed to go fetch them.

Fetch her clothes, fetch her toiletries, fetch her medication.

Oh, and fetch her dog.

Now would be a good time to mention that Phil hates dogs.

Too bad Phil!!! You’re married into these obligations!

You'd think if a guy is absolutely opposed to something (like an US Weekly subscription) he could at least speak up. 

Perhaps say, “Hey babe, I don’t want to drive a large, unruly dog eight hours in my car. Or let it live in my house."

He could have reached out to his sister-in-law’s friends for help, or find a suitable foster home.

No.

What did Phil do??

He drove the dog to the ASPCA.

A kill shelter.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And then he drove back to Tennessee hoping everyone would forget that he was supposed to bring back a dog.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WHAT?!!!

Seriously, WHAT??!?!

Newsflash: No one forgets about their pet. 

Phil actually went out of his way to eliminate all evidence of the dog, including THROWING ALL OF THE DOG’S THINGS INTO THE CITY TRASH CAN OUTSIDE.

UGH.

A heart as black as the Labrador’s fur coat!

When Phil returned to Tennessee without the dog, he admitted fairly quickly that he brought it to the KILL SHELTER pound. 

But his reason didn’t make sense.

“I couldn’t get the dog into my car. I was there for like an HOUR trying to get her in there but she just…wouldn’t get in!”

Which would have been an OK argument if he hadn’t DRIVEN THE DOG IN HIS CAR TO THE SHELTER.

“Yea, well, she whined the WHOLE time.”

UGH.

TURN UP THE RADIO, PHIL. 

Jesus.

Please. He had NO intention of bringing that dog anywhere.

Rachel, panicked and furious, called one of her sister’s friends who thankfully sprang the poor, scared, traumatized dog from the pound.

AND THEY CHARGED HER $170 TO DO IT.

AND PHIL DIDN’T EVEN PAY THE BILL!!!

(Hope he gets bit by a pitbull)

The friend then went to the sister’s house and dug out the dog’s bed and toys from the trash.

Why couldn’t Phil have brought the toys and bed TO the shelter???

And what kind of stupid argument is “I couldn’t get the dog in the car,” but then GOT THE DOG IN THE CAR???

The whole thing was uncomfortable.

Rachel didn’t know how to treat the situation, since technically it was a favor and it’s always weird when someone falls through on a favor, because they didn’t have to do it in the first place.

SIKE!!!!

THEY’RE MARRIED!!! HE WAS OBLIGATED!!!

If I was Rachel, I’d put him on the shortest leash ever. 

(Ha get it)

And send him a year of US Weekly subscriptions.

-Jenny

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