Tuesday, September 24, 2013

TOOLBAG TUESDAY

Today's post is probably the most hilarious excuse I've ever heard to not commit to someone.

It's not quite, "I'm moving to Yemen," (Mrs. Chanandlor Bong) but it's still pretty awesome.

Rob, this guy my friend Betsy dated, after five weeks of sleeping together, told her he wanted to "talk about their relationship." 

While in bed.

"OMG me too!" Betsy said, excited. She liked him and wanted him to be her boyfriend. 

(She was also naked, and what guy dumps a girl who's naked in his bed???)

Ahem.

"Well," Rob started. "I can't really date just one person."

????????
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WHAT?!?

"See," he said. "It's not my fault. I'm diagnosed ADHD, and I just can't…focus on one thing, you know?"

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
???????????

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

DUDE. This isn't SPANISH homework.

Betsy suddenly understood what was going on. She then asked him how many other women he was sleeping with. 

"Around five," he said. 

!!!!!!!!!!!!

So a man that can't seem to "focus" on one thing is now focusing on five things??? 

Must be a breakthrough.

Betsy immediately got up and fumbled around to put her clothes on (WHO DUMPS A GIRL WHEN SHE'S NAKED IN YOUR BED?? AN ADHD PERSON, THAT'S WHO. WANNA RIDE BIKES???) 

Rob tried to explain, "Look, I was married once and it didn't work out. And that's when I was diagnosed."

HAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHHAHA

THAT'S why his marriage didn't work out?? Undiagnosed attention deficit disorder??

Man, get me the name of THAT therapist. 

(No, boss, I wasn't late to work today because I'm a lazy F, I have selective waking patterns. Really. Talk to my doctor.)

I mean, was Betsy really supposed to believe that lame-ass excuse?? 

And exactly how many people in this country are diagnosed with ADHD? 120 million???? 140 million???

Definitely everyone I went to college with.

Are NONE of them capable of being monogamous??

Please.

Rob totally read his 'A' letter diagnosis wrong. 

He's got a major case of the assholes.

-Jenny

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