Tuesday, August 6, 2013

TOOLBAG TUESDAY

I think only a big actor or movie star or swimsuit model could act the way Jerry did and still keep a girl.

But seeing that Jerry was none of the above (by a long shot), my friend Kristen broke up with him after a month of dating and literally told him "good luck."

I suppose I should actually thank Jerry, since after him, Kristen completely stopped trying to meet people online. 

Jerry was the final straw; the one who proved that no matter how many online filters you use to weed people out, you will get losers in your inbox.

Jerry and Kristen met in real life and hit it off. He was 34 and cute and they went to a bunch of concerts and other outdoor events together. 

But after three weeks, Jerry said nonchalantly that he was currently on probation for a cocaine charge. 

Hahahahahaha

"Oh, by the way….."

Kristen was completely turned off, since that's another scene completely from hers, and DAMMIT, she thought she had met a winner since he had an actual job.

"That's…kinda serious," she said.

Jerry agreed it was serious, and insisted that it "wasn't his" it was his friend's drugs and "the cops got it all wrong."

Hmmmm. OK.

Jerry talked about the hard-core "diversion program" he was in, saying he was totally committed to doing the right thing and getting it wiped off his record.

"Ok, cool," Kristen said. 

(WHY CAN'T OKSTUPID RUN BACKGROUND CHECKS BEFORE SUGGESTING SOMEONE'S A "MATCH?")

Things were going well again, but then Kristen didn't hear from Jerry for two days. 

He finally texted her one morning very early with, "I got a DUI and have been in jail for two days."

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That's…so not…the right track.

Kristen took him to dinner the next night and genuinely felt bad for him. 

He then threw himself into his work in order to pay all these new fees, which was a glimmer attractive. 

And when he told Kristen that he'd probably have to go to rehab four nights a week to battle both charges, she told him she'd support him in whatever he needed.

WHY she put so much effort into someone she had known for such a short time still confuses me, but she seemed to really like him and they had a good time together.

But then, Jerry started getting cocky about it - taking advantage of her nice-ness.

His driver's license was going to get suspended, and he told Kristen that he arranged for a female "friend" to drive him around town. 

UM, EXCUSE ME.

"Yea, she's unemployed right now and needs money," he said. 

"Cab drivers need money too," Kristen pointed out. 

Jerry ignored her. And he got even more obnoxious when he started making his legal issues Kristen's problem. 

Kristen was supposed to leave town for a long weekend, when Jerry texted her from a work function at 10 p.m. saying he actually wouldn't be able to come over as planned. 

"Sorry, I just noticed my license is getting suspended at midnight, so I can't drive anywhere," he wrote. 

Kristen stared at the phone.

WELL, HOW DID HE PLAN TO DRIVE HOME FROM THE EVENT??

"I'm disappointed," Kristen wrote back.

"Yea I'd love to see you," he replied, "but I'm REALLY trying to be responsible."

hahahahahahahaha

Loser says responsible.

Being responsible would be not getting a DUI or a "fake" coke charge. 
Or maybe noticing your license was going to be suspended BEFORE 10 p.m., Am I Wrong?

Jerry also didn't suggest he take a cab over to Kristen's house (or even have his pay-a-hoe to drive him). 

No, it was just like, "Sorry, can't make it. You understand." 

Kristen was furious, and took that anger with her out of town, dampening her weekend.

She didn't call or text Jerry the next day, until HE texted HER very late Saturday night telling her where he was located and to come pick him up.

"Me?" she wrote. 

"Oops, that was for Rachel," he said. 

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!AAARRRRGGGGHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Kristen had enough; she didn't want to be dating someone who didn't know how to treat someone. And an ever-growing rap sheet.

And she didn't know him well enough to put up with this shit.

When Kristen got back to town she called him ready to end it all, but he was the one with concerns about her lack of "support" for "his situation."

Hahahahaahahaha

"If you want to see me, you're going to have to come over to MY apartment," he said.

Hahahahahaha
Hahahahahahahahaha

Who did this guy think he was? 

She was REALLY supposed to follow this LOSER around town? 

Heaven forbid SHE get swept off her feet here, being taken out and courted. 

HELL NO. This was clearly NOT going to work.

"You know what, I actually think is just really…bad timing…for us," Kristen said. 

(She said she held her tongue on how his apartment has no air-conditioning, not even window units, and it was approaching summer in New Orleans.) 

"Yea…I'm kind of a mess," Jerry finally admitted. 

Jerry then told her that he'd still call her and text her when he needed a ride, but thankfully she hasn't heard from him since.

Or seen a recent mug shot.

-Jenny

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