Tuesday, March 19, 2013

TOOLBAG TUESDAY

Aren't guys usually embarrassed to say they’re being sexually harassed by a female co-worker?

Like, yo dude, what are you complaining about??

I’ve never been in a workplace where a female was sexually harassing a male. The closest I’ve been was having to watch a gay co-worker harass a straight co-worker, telling him he only wants to see him in socks and underwear. Haha.

But in all seriousness, sexual harassment in the workplace is a very real offense and those who are accused and fired for it generally can’t find another job…good.

NOT good? Massive abuses in the system.

...Like people crying sexual harassment when there isn’t any going on, or, you know…the occasional USING IT AS A WAY TO FIRE YOUR EX-GIRLFRIEND.

Oh yes. It turns out some guys aren’t embarrassed to cry sexual harassment, even when it’s against their very own ex-girlfriend.

...Who they coincidentally broke up with a month earlier.

This story in particular stars John, my friend Kallie’s ex-boyfriend, who has acting chops like a champ.

Kallie was a server and John was a manager at a sandwich shop in college and they had dated for over a year and even lived together.

Needless to say, once they broke up, the workplace environment got awkward.

It wasn’t so much awkward for Kallie, who instigated the breakup. She continued going to work like usual and tried to keep what was left of their friendship intact.

John wasn’t interested in keeping a friendship. 

He wanted her gone, fired, FINITO, and didn’t care who got embarrassed in the crossfire, even if it was himself.

The only problem was there was nothing he could fire her for.

She arrived on time, she did her side work and had a good attitude. She knew the difference between 9 grain and wheat bread. She pitched in when things got backed up.

John stewed in the corner, waiting for her to slip up.

And then he got his chance. One morning, while Kallie was setting up tables to open for lunch, she saw him, the guy she had LIVED with, poured her heart out to and planned a life with, standing by the register.

And she saw his cute butt.

As she walked by, she gave it a little smack and said, “mornin’,” with a smile. John did not smile back.

Everything was normal until later that afternoon, when Kallie was called into the office by the OWNER, a man she never really saw. John was sitting in the other chair in the room.

“John said you’ve been sexually harassing him,” the owner said. Kallie almost laughed out loud until she realized he was serious. Her eyes widened.

What?? No! Oh, God No. I mean, we dated and used to live together, but NO, absolutely not!”

“What about how you smacked me on the ass this morning??” John piped up.

OMG Seriously.

He was acting supremely offended, like some sort of victim. He was actually cowering in his chair.

Kallie’s jaw dropped.

!!!!!

SERIOULSY? That was just a joke!” she pleaded to the owner. “Look, we used to date and that was something that we did…”

Silence.

“So you DID smack him on the backside,” the owner asked.

“Well, yea, but…” Kallie started to explain, but it was too late.

John had sunk to that level and found something to fire her over. A LOVE PAT.

IT WASN’T LIKE SHE WAS A STRANGER!! THEY USED TO TAKE SHOWERS TOGETHER FOR CHRIST’S SAKE!!!!

The owner then told Kallie she was fired and…OMG….

MADE HER SIGN A SHEET OF PAPER SAYING SHE WAS BEING FIRED FOR SEXUAL HARASSMENT.

!!!!

How mortifing!

John sat there the whole time, not at all embarrassed that he was firing his super hot ex-girlfriend for “sexually harassing” him.

OHH, LIKE, HE GOT HER ALL RIGHT??!!

“This is SUCH B.S.,” Kallie told the owner and stood up.

Once word got out about what John had done, all the other employees lost respect for him (haha) and Kallie’s friends started boycotting the place. 

I like to think karma will kick in and no female will ever touch him again.

ASS. Ha.

-Jenny


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