Last night, I told my roommate that for Mardi Gras day we should construct an egg out of paper mâché and wear outfits made out of condom material and be Lady Gaga at the Grammys.
Oh, I’ll incubate my ASS off.
Really, tell me, how hilarious would it be to dress up as a condom-egg and walk down Bourbon Street with a set of speakers?
They still sell those Dr. Evil flesh colored spandex hats, right??
OK, OK, so I got Mardi Gras fever last night. I’m feeling creative and irreverent.
It’s all LIVE THEATER’s fault, the six, 10-minute plays I saw, all with a Mardi Gras theme.
One of the plays hilariously discussed the importance of costuming on Mardi Gras day, and it reminded me that I need to come up with something perfect. I haven’t been to Mardi Gras in 3 years, after all.
If you’ve never seen Mardi Gras costumes before, think Halloween, only bigger, wilder and more offensive.
Ideally, I’d like to get a theme and have all my friends dress within the theme.
You know, like the five girls who dress up as slutty Ninja Turtles?
Like that, only less obvious with the sluttiness.
(Uhh, says the girl who’s considering wearing a spandex condom dress)
So, for the next few weeks I’ll be Google searching looking for a great idea. And I’m not scared of being political or pop culture-y or even butt ugly.
Basically, I just want to dress up so well that tourists stop and take pictures of me. I'm such a ham! (Hmmm...a ham...that might work...)
But, since my mind works BACKWARDS, I can’t think of anything AWESOME right now, but I can think of a ton of NON-AWESOME ideas:
The Bernstein Bears — My favorite childhood book series! Stern Papa Bear, compassionate Mama Bear and troublesome Brother and Sister Bear. Although charming, I don’t see how realistic it is to get bear outfits, and I don’t see how the bears are relevant, but that’s the first “group” I could come up with. Seriously. THE BERNSTEIN BEARS. I'm...special.
Howard Stern and crew — I love Howard and all, but there is not a single character that I could dress up as from the show: I’m not tall (Howard), or black (Robin, Beetlejuice), or have big teeth (Gary)…oh but I could get some big teeth…hmmm… The closest character I could be is Little Lupe, and my Spanish isn’t that bueno.
Harry Potter — Yes, I am a Harry Potter nerd, but I don’t see how Harry, Ron and Hermione could “Mardi Gras” themselves out. (Although I do still have my high school uniform…) We’d have to make clever signs with both Harry Potter and Mardi Gras references, like….THROW ME SOMETHIN’ SLYTHERIN….OR…SHOW ME YOUR SNAKE! Hahahahaha.
But, I don’t feel like being called a nerd all day. And I can’t think of a single friend that would join me in a Mudblood Mardi Gras (I’m now ducking from the tomatoes being thrown at me).
Glee — Really, WTF is Glee? If I were even to take a stab at it, I'd instruct everyone to dress as gay high school students. Fail.
Jersey Shore – First of awwwl, no one would know who we were, unless we literally painted our bodies orange and wore shirts that said “Snooki” and “The Situation,” and that’s a cop out. People look like them daily on Bourbon Street. And I can’t mimic that accent all day.
And I’d be confused about which character to be since my size screams Snooki, but my name screams J-Woww.
So, it’s back to the drawing board...and finding someone who knows how to make a paper mâché incubation egg.
This baby might be hatching March 8.