If I had an extra thousand dollars lying around that wasn’t already designated for something totally boring like paying off credit card(s) and outstanding parking tickets, I’ll tell you what I wouldn’t do with it: I wouldn’t loan it to my boyfriend.
Especially if he wanted money for something completely unnecessary…like braces.
I’m totally serious. I learned recently that this deal actually happened to a friend of a friend.
This girl took out $2,500 in extra student loans for her now ex-boyfriend to straighten his teeth.
When I heard this, I had several questions. Did she require that his teeth be straighter? Was he in a fight and needed emergency dental work? (And I’m not just suggesting that because he works at Chili’s.)
The answer was no to both, this dude just wanted his teeth straighter and figured his girlfriend could just keep borrowing and borrowing with her gold mine student status.
The two have since broken up and he has yet to repay her for the braces, although the friend noted that he was recently at dinner with 10 or so people and picked up the entire tab.
And then he asked her AFTER they broke up if she would co-sign a car loan.
This isn’t an isolated incident. Chivalry is dead! Guys today have no problem using their moneybags girlfriends’ moneybags.*
Three of my own friends have loaned their boyfriends a significant amount of money and by significant amount of money I mean more than $500. (Speaking of…payday Friday hurry the eff UP!!)
-One friend paid off her boyfriend's credit card so they could get a better deal on a house she envisioned them buying together in the future
-Another loaned her boyfriend money to buy furniture.
-A third paid for her boyfriend's portion of the rent for several months because he couldn’t figure out how to save up a lump sum by the first of the month.
All three ended up breaking up, and two out of three friends haven’t seen a dime.
The third eventually got back the rent money she paid for him, but it wasn't fun being a nag and it came in sporadic $20 here, $45 there, here let me buy you five beers at the bar and take off another $25 – increments.
Beers I could live with. Other indebted boyfriends tried to make stupid deals in lieu of paying back actual cash.
Take my friend Sally. She and her boyfriend Daniel had just broken up and I was helping her move out of their shared apartment one Saturday morning.
“Do you think this desk is worth $200?” she asked. “Because Daniel said I could have it and take that much off the money he still owes me.”
It looked like a school desk I used in third grade, very short with synthetic wood and a half table that you slid in and out of. I didn’t even know they still made those.
“Um, HELL no,” I said. “That’s not worth $50. That’s a ridiculous deal.”
“Yea…” she said, walking over to the kitchen, looking at the furniture that once held so many hopes and dreams.
“He said I could have the kitchen table for $300 off his loan and we only bought it for $150.”
“Exactly. Don’t get hosed,” I said.
Of course Sally did end up getting hosed, because the majority of the money Daniel said he’d use to pay her back was his security deposit, and he wasn’t completely moved out by the 1st of the following month so the landlord kept it. TOOLBAG!
Now $800 isn’t anything to sneeze at, so Sally did what anyone would do: She called his mamma. (She still didn’t recover the money, but at least she got some sort of apology.)
Then, one day Sally figured out how she’d get him back for it. It wasn’t $800, but it would still hurt his wallet, and she’d benefit too.
She cancelled her cell phone contract before it was up, which was linked to his account.
(They had one of those shared minutes plan. Domestic bliss, right??)
“You know what, I don’t even want him to be able to see who I’m calling or texting anyway,” Sally said. She cancelled her plan and he was stuck having to pay for the $250 charge.
Sally fully expected Daniel to call her about it fuming mad, and I think she was kind of looking forward to her calculated (no pun intended) response about how this was JUST A DROP IN THE BUCKET, BUDDY.
But he never called.
Maybe he doesn’t know about the charge yet. Maybe he doesn’t care.
Maybe he’s looking for a new girlfriend with an excellent credit score to take care of the problem.
*Ok, yes I know some girls that also have no problem taking large amounts of money from their boyfriends, but it’s not as funny.
One girl I know let her boyfriend buy her a used car (that was much nicer than the one he drove) and he stupidly put it in HER name so when they broke up he couldn’t even get it back.
She reasoned that he put her through so much hell during their relationship that she “deserves it.”
Another friend bought his now ex-wife fake boobs and gets pissed off routinely thinking about other guys…um…enjoying them.
But, still. Not as funny as braces.