Tuesday, September 21, 2010

TOOLBAG TUESDAY

All Jessica wanted was a Coke Icee and a Hershey’s white chocolate bar from the gas station near her house. It was her favorite combination.

But, she didn’t feel good and didn’t want to leave the house. So she asked her boyfriend, Tommy, to buy them for her after he got out of class.

“Sure, no problem,” Tommy sad.
Jessica watched bad daytime TV and waited anxiously.

Tommy showed up an hour or so later, empty-handed.
“What the hell?” Jessica asked.

“The ICEE machine is broken,” Tommy said. (A regular problem with ICEE machines.)

“What about the Hershey’s bar?”

“No, they don’t make them anymore,” he said, “Can you believe it?”

“WHAT???” Jessica asked. “Not at all??”

“No, I guess people don’t like white chocolate that much,” he said. “I’m really sorry. Hope you feel better.”

Two weeks later, Jessica and Tommy were at WalMart when Jessica saw a big industrial-sized bag of the white chocolate bars on the shelf.

“OH MY GOD, LOOK!” Jessica screamed. “They’ve still got the white chocolate bars here! We should buy them all since they’re not making them anymore!”

She started flopping bag after bag into the cart, when she noticed Tommy smirking and laughing next to her.

“What’s so funny?” Jessica asked.
“They still make them,” Tommy said. “I never stopped at the gas station.”

This week’s Toolbag Tuesday is dedicated to liars. Lying to avoid a trip to the gas station is on the easy end.
At least he didn’t lie about being in high school.

Or pretend to be out of town one weekend so he could spend the weekend with another girl.
Which is exactly what Aaron did to my friend Hannah.

“Miss you babe,” he texted Hannah, supposedly from Alabama.

But, Aaron wasn’t super smart. He decided to HAVE A HOUSE PARTY that weekend.
I guess he didn’t think Hannah would drive by and notice 10 cars in the driveway of his one-bedroom apartment, when he was supposed to be three states away.

When Hannah drove by Aaron’s house (because she was already suspicious that he wasn’t out of town, and his apartment was almost sort-of on her way to the bar where she was meeting friends.)

Hannah glanced over and saw all of Aaron’s friends’ cars AND his car in the driveway.
His favorite college team was playing her favorite college team that night, and they had discussed watching it together.
His team’s flag was outside.

Hannah decided not to park and walk into Aaron’s house because that would be awkward and sad. Can you imagine? It would be like a record-scratch.
(Especially since it was also confirmed on Facebook that he was with another girl at that party.)

So, no, Hannah didn’t embarrass him, but she needed him to know that SHE knew he wasn’t in EFFING Alabama.
So, she texted his friend, who was at the house party.

It was something simple, something like “COOL HOUSE PARTY WHAT THE HELL” His friend never wrote her back, and he’s a big texter, so that was telling in itself.

Hannah heard from Aaron two days later, when he was supposed to be “getting back into town.”
He texted her saying that her team (who beat his team) “sucks,” and asked her if she was doing anything later.

That was two months ago. She still hasn’t responded.

Is there a lesson to be learned here about lying? Perhaps, don’t lie to the extreme?

I mean, just say they were out of the candy bar rather than say they stopped making it entirely. (Better yet, get your ass to the gas station and get your girl an ICEE).

Don’t say you’re 500 miles out of town, say you’re working or busy.

Because, in addition to being a complete toolbag, that’s the kind of bad karma that will plague someone’s favorite football team all season long.

-Jenny

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