Put away the “age defying” moisturizer!! I found the secret to slowing down time: be in a long-distance relationship.
I really wasn’t prepared for how S-L-O-W time moves when you wait 30 days to see your boyfriend.
Case in point: My long-distance boyfriend Daniel left six days ago, but it feels like six months.
Maybe I’m unknowingly operating in lunar standard time, where 12 hours is actually 29 Earth days.
Of course, time is a sneaky bitch, because when we're together, time speeds up five times faster than usual, to make up for it moving five times slower the rest of the time.
So is life.
But, I’d rather have Daniel every 30 days than no days at all.
And if we were in the same city every single day, it would probably be a safety hazard to have my heart burst 24/7, so a monthly dose is about right, at this point in time anyway.
Just kidding. It sucks.
But now, since I have nothing better to do than drag around in my MOON SHOES for the next month, let’s remember the four seconds errr I mean four days we spent together for Labor Day.
First things first: My boyfriend drove 12 hours into a hurricane to see me.
Granted, Hurricane Hermione
(Granger) didn’t turn out
to be the disastrous hurricane it was predicted to be, but Daniel didn’t know
that as he made the 12-hour drive from New Orleans to the South Carolina beach town where I live.
He even took a non-Florida route, driving through tiny towns in Georgia with no cell phone signal, fully expecting to be driving through terrible, rainy weather.
He didn’t even entertain for a second the idea of staying overnight at a hotel inland. My hurricane hero.
Second: It was a family affair. Again.
I didn’t realize that to be my long-distance boyfriend, you will have to share me with my entire family because they also come visit for major holidays.
In fact, I left Daniel on the beach for four hours to go to a baby shower and he happily boogie-boarded in the ocean with my mom.
That’s not to say we didn’t have time alone.
In four days, we had a breakfast date, a dinner date and a movie date. We trespassed at a long dock overlooking a river.
I made him watch a terrible 90s romantic comedy on Netflix that I’m too embarrassed to mention by name. (Hint: It involves Christmas, Sandra Bullock and Bill Pullman.)
It started with breakfast.
We woke up post Hermione
to the most amazing sunny day and blue skies and we took my roommate’s golf
cart to a little breakfast spot and everyone at the restaurant got to check me
out with my boyfriend having quiche and a screwdriver. (It’s the little things.)
We then went to the beach, just the two of us, and I expertly put sunscreen on his back (certainly better than he did on his front) and we swam around in the ocean together and I repeatedly pointed out that if I didn't know him, I’d be checking him out in the surf.
That evening, the whole family went out on a harbor tour on a boat that my twin sister, Joy, and I expertly booked in advance and we saw dolphins and drank wine and took pictures in front of the sunset.
Our family then made a big production of where to eat dinner (as usual) and ended up eating outside at a new restaurant, and Daniel and I split entrees and appetizers and everyone at the restaurant got to check me out with my boyfriend having wine and mussels.
On Sunday, my parents, Daniel and I took the golf cart to see a lighthouse and even though Daniel wasn’t feeling well with a stuffy nose, he made the half-mile hike up a sandy hill to amuse me.
There were fireworks on the beach that night and Daniel bought me and my parents a huge pizza and we ate together before setting up chairs in the dark on the sand.
The stars were almost as impressive as the fireworks. The moon was hanging low, taunting me.
Monday Labor Day included more beach time, and more golf cart time, where we gave my friend’s 13-year-old daughter a golf cart driving lesson that involved a near miss with a house.
Neither Daniel nor I had ever taught anyone how to drive so it was a lesson in parenting, haha. (And property damage)
We then went on a cute date to a new BBQ restaurant and everyone at the restaurant got to check me out with my boyfriend eating ribs and drinking something called a Pain Killer, “pain” being that Daniel was leaving the next day.
Where on Earth did the time go?
We went to see a movie, Hell or High Water, the first movie we’ve seen together in a theater, and Daniel wasn’t even bothered by my questions and side commentary like some people (Joy).
And then before I knew it, my alarm was going off to go to work Tuesday morning and then as soon as he arrived, Daniel had to leave.
No surprise, he said the drive back took five times as long as the drive into the hurricane.
I’m constantly surprised how easy it is to be with Daniel.
I’ve been told I have a flair for the dramatic (Me?? Neurotic???) but I feel completely at ease when I’m with him. It’s a new, refreshing feeling, this miraculous balance of not being stressed, but also not bored, saying what I mean, meaning what I say.
Worrying less than usual about him deciding one day he doesn’t like me all of a sudden.
…Pretending I don’t know him so I can check him out on the beach as if he was a stranger.
But, alas, Labor Day feels like it was eight million years ago, so I’m surprised I can even remember any of these details.
Only that my heart hurts when I'm not with him.
And I have a whole new meaning of the phrase, love you to the moon and back.