Tuesday, July 12, 2016

TOOLBAG TUESDAY

Job descriptions always talk about the unimportant things about working there, like "dental insurance," "flexible hours" and “leadership opportunities.”

They don’t mention the really important things, like how the job comes with resident office CREEPS, guys who you’ll have to put up with every day.

It wouldn’t kill employer XYZ to casually mention in the job description: “In addition to 15 days of paid vacation a year, you’ll be sitting at a very spacious corner desk with Phil, who likes to talk about how women should wear the highest heels possible, because he really likes calves.”

I used to work at a very large office years and years ago, and had the unfortunate luck to work with a very creepy IT guy who mistook my being impressed with his IT skills (uhhh…he figured out my forgotten password) as a green light to hack me.

HACK me.

...Because THAT’S what girls like.

One day he casually strolled by my desk and said, “You should really turn off your Bluetooth.”

I didn’t’ even know what Bluetooth was at the time.

“Why?”

“Because you leave yourself WIIIIIIDE open,” he said.

UM.

(Where's the escape button??)

“For example,” he continued. “I don’t want to know that you just checked UPS tracking to see when your new perfume shipment was coming.”

!!!!!!!!!!

I gulped wide-eyed. I had just done that. From my phone, from the privacy of my desk.

SINCE WHEN WAS THIS PART OF HIS JOB DESCRIPTION?

…AND WHY WASN’T THIS MENTIONED IN MY JOB DESCRIPTION?

"…Very competitive salary, plus an in-house technician that thoughtfully spies on you through your iPhone!”

“I don’t…want…you to know that either,” I said, feeling violated. But rather than pick up on my sarcasm, he cackled and walked away, thinking he did me some sort of favor.

Every day, there would be another creepy encounter that involved technology.

He “joked” that he was going to put cameras up in the hallway to the bathroom that only me and another female co-worker used. 

Seriously, we took out a broom and used the handle to push up the square ceiling tiles to make sure there wasn’t one hidden up there.

DEFINITELY NOT PART OF HIS JOB DESCRIPTION.

Then came the final straw.

He was troubleshooting a problem with me over the phone when he casually commented that I should “be careful” or else he’d HACK INTO MY COMPUTER'S CAMERA and watch me as I typed at the computer all day.

“Why…would you do that?” I asked. “I feel like I would need to 'OK’ that on my end.”

“Because I can!” he said, and then hung up.

I immediately put a Post-It note over the little dot on the camera and tried to shake off his creepy, slimy comment.

The next day, I found him sitting at my desk, at my computer, on the phone.

“Err….updating Adobe,” he said when I walked in, and then immediately got up.

It was fishy. I was using a bootleg copy of Adobe and it wasn't update-able. Even I knew that.

Then I saw it: The post-it note had disappeared. Of course.

That was it.

I went to our boss and told him how creeped out I was and asked to file a formal complaint.

“Wait…WHAT is he doing in the bathrooms???” the boss said.

I handed him the broom.

The next day, I was called back to the boss’ office.

He had spoken with the in-house creep/hacker who admitted he did all of those things and that it was a “joke.”

“Well, I told him that we don’t 'joke' like that here,” the boss told me, as if the matter was finished. 

“He’s just someone we all deal with, best to not let him think that you think these things are funny.”

!!!!!!!!!

My mouth dropped.

TWO TOOLBAGS!

It was the absolute worst job I ever had, and it had nothing to do with the actual work. 

No wonder they couldn't find quality employees! They had a creep on the payroll.

I quit a short time later, and haven’t heard from either person since (maybe because I turned off my Bluetooth.)

UGH. 

The silver lining, though, is that now employers think I’m really comprehensive when they ask me if I have any questions during a job interview.

Tell me about your IT department...

Also...where are your brooms located?

-Jenny

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