Tuesday, June 21, 2016

TOOLBAG TUESDAY

After months of applying and waiting and proving she's a responsible adult and signing her name 5,000 times, my friend Aimee got approved for a loan to buy a house.

Her real estate agent, a cute, but married, guy named Hank, called her to tell her the good news.

Aimee and Hank had been in constant communication every day about the home buying and had developed a friendly relationship.

“We have to celebrate!” Hank texted her the day the news came in. 

“Meet me and my wife for drinks at the Pelican Bar after work tonight!”

Uhhhhh…

She wondered: Is it normally cool for married guys to buy a congratulatory drink for their hot, single lady clients on a Tuesday night?

The Pelican Bar was nowhere near where Aimee lived (or where she was about to live), but it was a bar she and Hank bonded over because even though it’s dingy and a hole in the wall, they both liked it.

Aimee had never met Hank's wife before, and hoped it wouldn’t be awkward.

LOL (foreshowing.)

Aimee assumed that since he invited his wife, it must be fine. She told herself she would even order a glass of champagne to celebrate the milestone.

But, when she got to the Pelican Bar, Hank was alone at the bar.

The bar. 

Not a three-person table.

“Cheers!” Hank said when he saw Aimee walk in the door. 

“Thanks,” Aimee said settling in. She figured his wife must still be on her way. It was the start of happy hour; she had just come from work herself.

An hour and three drinks later, Hank’s wife still didn’t show up. Aimee was having such a good time chatting with Hank, she didn’t think twice about it.

…Until his wife showed up.

OMG

“She came barreling into the bar making a huge scene,” Aimee recalls.

??????????????

Why would she make a scene when she was invited?

LOL

She came up to Hank, pointed at him and screamed, “I KNEW YOU’D BE HERE! “I KNEW you’d be here having drinks with a woman!” 

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OMG

Mortifying.

Obviously Hank’s “invitation” for his wife to join them was not received.

Or mailed.

Aimee tried to pipe in with, “Wait, no….he’s my realtor…” in response to her, “I’M HIS WIFE!!!”

OMG.

Hank got up and quickly escorted his wife outside.

…Leaving Aimee to stare wide-eyed at the bartender and the rest of the Pelican Bar patrons.

“What the hell?” Aimee asked Hank when he returned to the bar, alone.

What did he do with his wife???

“God, she just overreacts all the time,” Hank said. “She’s so dramatic!”

!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!

WHAT!!?!?!

People were still staring.

Aimee tried to make sense of the situation because she still had hope that he was innocent.

“Wait… why was she so confused about you being here? You said you invited her!” Aimee pointed out.

Hank waved the thought away as if it was meaningless and not a central and important fucking point.

“She just likes to overreact,” he said.

Uhhhhhhhhhhhhh

NO ONE IS BUYING THAT HOUSE STORY, HANK.

But Aimee pressed on.

“But wait….how did she ‘know’ you would be here? Do you come here a lot after work without telling her?”

Hank kept deflecting Aimee’s questions.

And then he asked her if she wanted another drink.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LOL

Creep.

Aimee told him no thanks and then excused herself from the bar.

Unlike her home loan, Hank’s story just didn’t add up.

These realtors never tell you about these unforeseen closing costs!!!!

LOL

Let’s just hope they get divorced, and his wife gets their house.

-Jenny

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