Tuesday, March 8, 2016

TOOLBAG TUESDAY

Now, I’m not saying that giving a wedding speech is easy work, but someone with a remotely working brain can pull it off.

I mean, haven’t we all seen enough romantic comedies to know the DOs and DON'Ts by now????

1.) Don’t use the speech as an excuse to shit all over love and marriage.

2.) Don’t use the speech to overshadow the wedding and propose to someone.

3.) Don’t tell everyone that they both love the color green, like his eyes and her love of money. :)

Here’s a new rule: Don’t blindly copy and paste a speech off of the internet and then read it in front of 200 people.

(This is where the “remotely working brain” counts.)

Henry, a best man (well, in the context of a wedding…) decided to blindly copy and paste his speech off the internet and read it without thinking. 

...Without thinking about his girlfriend that is.

To everyone who attended the wedding of Jessica and Andy, Henry was very much taken. 

His date was a very pretty girl in a very pretty dress who was all over him. 

She draped her arms around him and kissed him a lot on the dance floor. There was no question that Henry was there with her, and that they were together.

…Which made his best man speech even more mortifying.

His opening line, in front of 200 people, was, “I hope one day I find someone as beautiful and kind as Jessica…”

ERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR (insert record scratch noise)

ONE DAY?!?!?!?

ONE DAY?!?!?!?!?

Everyone had seen his pretty girlfriend all over him, making out in the buffet line. 

LOL

She sat there next to him, mortified. 

MORTIFIED. 

When people started chuckling uncomfortably (OMG) Harry backtracked, bringing more attention to the situation for the people who hadn’t been listening in the first place.

“Errrr… I mean….I have found…ummmm….I have found someone….as…pretty….”

LOL
LOL
LOL

THIS IS WHY YOU DON’T PLAGIARIZE A WEDDING SPEECH FROM THE INTERNET, HARRY!!!! 

Or maybe have someone else proofread your speech before you decide to announce to everyone that your current date isn’t beautiful or kind enough to marry, but that you hope to meet that person in the future.

Seriously, I can’t think of anything more mortifying. 

What a dumbass.

No one really spoke about it afterwards (there was already too much speaking), but needless to say, all PDA between the two of them stopped for the rest of the reception.

LOL

I think Adam Sandler should play him in the romantic comedy movie version of this.

-Jenny

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