Tuesday, February 23, 2016

TOOLBAG TUESDAY

-“Clear message history” button
-“Clear internet search history” button
-Passwords in random number sequences

-Thumbprint passwords to unlock your phone that, just in case you were wondering, your identical twin can’t even unlock using her thumbprint. 

LOL

…It’s as if Steve Jobs didn’t want people snooping on their significant others!!!

It baffles me that people can still figure out how to get into their significant other’s phone and bust them for cheating given all these protections OR that the person cheating is so technologically-challenged they can’t properly cover their ass.

Greg, this guy my friend Monica lived with, wasn’t taking any chances.

He wasn’t going to trust passwords or the cloud or whatever, he was just never going to NOT physically be with his phone, ever.

LOL

Monica and Greg dated for four years and it was in year three when Greg began cheating on Monica with his co-worker.

COOL, GREG.

Greg suddenly became sketchy in the obvious ways that someone who is cheating on someone is sketchy (weird and standoffish, working late, disappearing to “get drinks” with friends for hours and be very vague about it) 

But no clue was as GLARING as the fact that all of a sudden, Greg was never physically separated from his phone.

It was never casually left on the coffee table or counter. Monica said Greg would hurry to put it back in his pocket when she entered the room. 

And then she noticed he started keeping it charged at night inside a SQUEAKY ASS bedtime table drawer! 

All of a sudden!!!

Did he think he was being smooth??

Who “drawers up” their phone at night???

(Ed note: How can you hear any of the five alarms you set for the morning that way???)

Monica answers: “There was just no way I could have opened that drawer to look at his phone and not woken him up,” she recalls.

The whole thing got really uncomfortable. When asked who he was texting, Greg always said he was texting his “guy friend,” but guys don’t text that much.

Then one night, he and Monica were watching a movie laying on the couch together and his phone in his pocket was jamming into her thigh.

“Can you take that out of your pocket?” Monica told him, shifting. “It’s hurting me.”

AND THEN…

OMG

“Don’t worry about it, I was going to take a shower anyway,” Greg said. 

And he immediately got up and went into the bathroom. 

With his phone! 

AND LOCKED THE DOOR!

Hahahahahahaha

SKETCH.

WHO BRINGS THEIR PHONE INTO THE BATHROOM AND LOCKS THE DOOR? 

Wait...WHO BRINGS THEIR PHONE INTO THE BATHROOM AND LOCKS THE DOOR WHO’S NOT HIDING SOMETHING FROM THEIR LIVE-IN GIRLFRIEND???

No one, that's who.

How long had he been doing this?? 

Monica confronted Greg the minute he came out of the shower, still wrapped in a towel.

“Why are you taking your phone into the bathroom?” she asked.

“What’s your problem?” he asked. 

Haha

“What’s my problem? You’re taking your phone into the bathroom and locking the door!!! Is there something on there that you don’t want me to see?”

“No.” he said, clutching the Otterbox.

LOL

“Let me see your phone.”

“No.”

Monica grabbed the phone from him but couldn’t crack his password because he had changed it from his birth date. 

LOL

They got into a huge fight about it and Monica left and when word got out, everyone started blabbing to her about how Greg and his co-worker had indeed been hooking up. 

Maybe in a shower, even!!!

(Sorry Monica, haha)

UGH

CLEAR MESSAGES.

CLEAR HISTORY.

DELETE.

-Jenny

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