Tuesday, February 16, 2016

TOOLBAG TUESDAY

I’ve heard of some pretty hilarious attempts at an ex trying to stay in touch after a breakup.

Like, sending an ex flowers on Valentine’s Day, like she DOESN’T have a new guy. (Haha)

Or…uhhhh….SENDING HER A TEXT MESSAGE THE MORNING OF HER WEDDING asking if she could “maybe get coffee sometime!??!?!” 

(I can’t even go there.)

But the most creative attempt I’ve heard in a while was from this guy Sam, who totally screwed over my friend Hillary. 

Sam was your standard 30-something toolbag who cheated on Hillary while she was in the process of moving in with him, who blamed it all on a "midlife crisis" and then got engaged to his side piece soon after.

Cool.

Hillary was distraught and embarrassed and never wanted to see Sam’s face ever again. She told him as much.

But Sam didn’t listen. He deliberately went into her favorite bar soon after their breakup on the night he knew she regularly met friends there.

And he came straight up to her and asked her if she’d donate to his “new charity.”

LOL

LOL

LOL

CHARITY?!?!?!?!

Charity!

WTF??!!

SHE needed charity!!!

This couldn’t have been more than two months after their bitter breakup. Hillary said she stood there dumbfounded and stunned.

What was she supposed to say???!?! “Sure, Sam. Tell me more about how you're a God damn saint."

UGH.

NO.

It was all so confusing. Was him helping kids with cancer supposed to make him less of a horrible person??

Did he really expect to her “donate” to this cause?

I MISS MY EX. I THINK I'LL GO AND HIT HER UP FOR MONEY.

Who possibly thinks this is a good idea????!?!?

Seriously.

Name an idea stupider than this.

Oh wait...

She should text him on his wedding day.

-Jenny

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